Just One Joey: life hacks

Showing posts with label life hacks. Show all posts

Monday, October 24, 2016

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Lewis Howes

I have been listening to Lewis Howes for about a year now on The School Of Greatness Podcast. It was refreshing to hear the questions turned on him. He lays out the framework for achievement in this interview. There is something all of us can learn from him, no matter where you are in your career.

I have taken his interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one they are on.

Please enjoy.

I Want To Do Something Big, But Where Do I Start?

I love this question, because this was me. I always knew I wanted to do something big. When things didn’t go the way I expected in my early 20’s, I was completely thrown off. I had to build everything from scratch, so I know exactly where you are.

Your first step needs to be your vision.

Who are you? What are you passionate about? What do you want out of life? Who is the real you?

I believe that we are all put here for a reason, but you need to figure out what that reason is. Go out, be by yourself, get out in to nature or whatever it is that allows you to clear your head and find yourself.

Once you have that vision, you can start taking action.

Set goals for yourself 3 months out, 6 months out, 12 months out. What do you want to create in that time? Do something that seems scary. Give yourself a challenge. What you will end up doing is backwards mapping towards that goal. You will find mentors that have information you need, build skills that help you reach that goal, and organize your days and weeks to build yourself up towards those goals.

I approach work similarly to how I approach sports. You have a season, a goal, practices, strategies, schedules, and games. People don’t create enough deadlines for themselves. They get so caught up in doing what they do they don’t step back and evaluate their progress, stress their comfort zones, make sure they are building effectively, or building at all.

Next, you create a structure to ensure productivity. It sounds counter-intuitive, but structure creates freedom. Setting your day up for success by having routines, building a team of mentors and accountability partners, and then working your butt off every day. Combine that with your short term goals, and you will be succeeding in no time.

Productivity is all about momentum. It is vital to start your day strong so you can carry that momentum with you all day. Sleep, meditation, gratitude exercises, healthy eating, and game plans in place are essential to my day to help not only start, but keep that momentum up.

How Do I Make Sure I Stay Level-Headed While Building Up?

It all starts with gratitude.

It’s hard to be angry, depressed, or mean when you are grateful. When I get in to a dark funk, I list off all the things I am grateful for and I feel better. This is structured too. I know when I feel down, the structure tells me to focus on gratitude, and it works.

Remember it is all about people.

We were born to connect. Put in the work to build relationships, make connecting a part of your structure, and appreciate those people in your life now and all along your journey.

Live a life of service. I don’t mean volunteer all day every day, but look at what you do and what you are trying to do and ask yourself: how can I help the maximum number of people? How can I have the biggest impact?

You add value for people, then you learn how to monetize it. But it is value first. Develop your skills, make the connections, and create the structure in order to give the most value.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Show them by giving them the most value in every situation.

Quotes

“Money will come when you are ready for it.”

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Lewis Howes Links

Chase Jarvis Links

Joey Links

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Discipline = Freedom

Jocko Willink (@jockowillink) says this. He is one of the biggest, most intense people I have ever seen, so I want to make sure I give him credit for the quote. He tweets pictures of pools of sweat on the ground from his workouts before I even wake up in the morning, and I get up at 5am.

The dude is a beast.

And more importantly, the dude is right.

Discipline, routine, schedules, they all allow freedom.

It sounds counter-intuitive, I know. I thought the same thing. For years, the more structure, the worse it sounded. I have ADHD. I could feel the walls closing in around me every time I heard the word: structure.

But guess what?

One little thing changed, and like dominoes, the walls fell down.

I had a purpose.

I had a Northern Star.

I had real, true to myself, goals.

And I fell in love with structure.

I think part of the reason we don’t like structure is we don’t give a s*** about what we are doing.

Work sucks. If we are more or less productive, who cares? We don’t like work anyways. Why would anyone want to get better at something they hate?

Think about that.

Find a focus you love, then apply everything else in this blog.

Come back later if you need to.

Don’t Reinvent The Wheel

The greatest asset that discipline and structure gives is not having to reinvent the wheel every time you need to be productive. It’s a routine.

Imagine that: productivity and creativity a routine? Meaning, you just do it? YES! You just do it.

I don’t have to wait for inspiration?

Nope.

Your routine brings you to the doorstep of creativity and productivity. All you have to do is walk in.

Sounds awesome, doesn’t it?

This “wheel” that we are not reinventing every day will not develop overnight. It is a filtering and auditing system that takes out everything in your day that diverts your productivity and leaves, then adds to, things that increase productivity. I have been auditing myself for almost 2 years, and there are always little tweaks I can make to increase productivity, even if it’s just a little bit better, it’s still better than it was before. Everything counts.

There is a concept in the amazing book “The Art Of Learning” called: Making Smaller Circles. This is essentially what we are doing with our “wheel.” The things you need in order to get in to your productivity “space” start out very big. Over time, you are able to whittle them down without

compromising your productive and creative output.

Example: My original routine in the morning was: 20 minute meditation, coffee, exercise, warm up writing (usually a Quora answer or two), a couple Italian lessons (I am getting my dual citizenship with the hopes of creating media for companies abroad, giving me a reason to visit more often), then work.

I would start work in a great place mentally and physically, but that is a lot of time needed to get going.

Now, I leave in the meditation as a best practices, and the coffee (mostly because it helps the ol’ bowels get movin’), but I am ready to go in 25 minutes after getting up. In fact, on days when I need to be up at 5am and cranking right away, I can do it, because I have made small enough circles, that just sitting in my work space locks me in to work mode. I can bust out a 1500 word story or blog before breakfast. I mean done, not first draft.

Step One: Environmental Reciprocation

You purposefully create an environment that increases your motivation and creativity, and your environment will reciprocate. You build it up, and it helps build you up. Take control over your environment. Take the time to put things around you that help maximize your creativity. Quotes, pictures, goals, whatever. I have all of my goals on the wall behind my monitor. I have a stimulating wall of CD covers behind me. You can create an environment that allows you to feel like a plasma globe, a ball of energy.

Allow what works for you to be around you.

Step Two: Morning Routines

Start figuring out what works for you. What puts you in the best place mentally to start crushing it? If you are not already meditating, I highly suggest it. I listen to a lot of podcasts with top performers in a variety of disciplines and 90% of them meditate. If you are new to it, apps like Headspace and Calm are a great place to start. I listen to Tara Brach’s guided meditations on iTunes. Whatever works for you, but know that it works.

Mediation: reduces aging in the brain (more gray matter), improves concentration and attention, and reduces anxiety.

Convinced?

I hope so.

What do you eat? It better be healthy. No sugar. That will help you jump up in energy, but it is short lived, causes crashing after a few hours, and in the long run it will make you fat (just speaking the truth). Stick with healthy fats, eggs, veggies, water, and coffee. No artificial sweeteners. It tricks your system in to thinking it is sugar, so even though it doesn’t have the calories, your body reacts like it has sugar in it, so it stores fat regardless. It also breaks down your healthy gut flora in your stomach, which means you are not digesting correctly, which means you are not able to deliver necessary hormones to your system (because they are released in the intestines and colon) like endorphins (which make you happy). Sugar and fake sugar makes you sad and fat, which will then make you even more sad and even fatter. No bueno, all the way around.

Step Three: Rest Of The Day Routines

How do you keep yourself focused?

You are cranking when you start, but how do you take breaks? What things are too distracting? What doesn’t allow you to come back to work in an effective and productive way?

I leave my phone in the other room. It is hard on me, because 50% of my business is creation, and the other 50% is distribution, interaction, etc. But if I want to create content, I need to get that s*** away from me!

I have multiple projects going on at the same time and lists of things I need/can do. That allows me to bounce between projects in case I get stuck on any one thing. It keeps my spirits up and my thoughts clear.

I eat healthy throughout the day and work out in the late afternoon. That is either a great close to my day (not very often) or it is a good break to get the blood flowing, work my body the way my mind has been working all day, and then get back to work.

Step Four: Audit Audit Audit

What is working and what isn’t?

I would love to listen to punk rock, or country, or metal (weird mix I know) all day long, but it is distracting. I can’t write to it. I tried classical, but that is too emotional. Switching to the “Jazz” station on Pandora I found the perfect background music to work to. I have heard others’ use a movie on repeat. Because they are so familiar with the story, it keeps it somewhere in the background mentally, but still in their conscious. It’s funny how sometimes 90% focus is better than 100% on one thing.

Example: I hate cleaning the house, but I have a flood of ideas every time I do. It is similar to running, but I have a pen and pad to write down the ideas unlike running, where I will need to remember the good idea for 5, 6, or 10 miles. They don’t always make it.

Time

Give yourself time. It is simple but not easy (as is everything important in life).

You will know it is something that needs to be remedied when you get mad at yourself for the 30 minutes you wasted. Feel it, embrace it, then change it. It’s as simple as that.

Audit the s*** out of yourself, all the time.

I am going on 24 months of auditing.

There is always something that can be better, more efficient, more productive.

Take the time to find it.

Then start crushing.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

The 60 Second Recharge

Need a little boost in your day?

Don’t have enough energy?

Feeling a little down?

I have a 60 second light switch.

Start your day with it. Use it after the gym. Use it before a meeting. Use it if you have a little too much “funk” in you day. It is almost a universal remedy.

I use it every day, twice a day. In the morning to start the workday on the right foot (along with meditation and coffee), and after my workouts, to reset my system.

What it this magic remedy?

A Cold Shower

That’s it?

Yup.

But that is so easy! I have a shower at home! One at the gym! One at work!

I know! That’s the best part! It’s accessible. It’s cheap. It’s effective!

It’s perfect!

A List Of Benefits

1. It Will Make You Happy: Cold water activates the sympathetic nervous system and increases the blood of beta-endorphins. What do endorphins do? They make you happy! They allow you to feel pleasure and a sense of satisfaction. Want to know something really crazy? Of course you do!! You know all those drugs that people take, then they get addicted, then they fall apart and it ruins their life? Heroin, codeine (sizzurp), morphine, oxy? They are all basically endorphin releasing agents! Crazy, huh? A cold shower will allow your body to release endorphins in your body the same way hardcore, addictive drugs can! Without your life falling apart!! Yipee!!

2. Increases Blood Flow: When your body is cold (specifically for this article, when you are standing in a freezing ass shower), your body redirects blood to your vital organs. Why? It thinks you may be dying (April Fool’s body!! I’m not really dying! Gotcha!). But you aren’t, obviously. It forces your heart to pump more efficiently, pushing blood harder through your vessels to make sure your “guts” are protected. The increase in blood flow also means you are getting oxygen and nutrients pushed throughout your body, and more importantly, to vital parts. Increased circulation means a healthier body. Already workout? Good for you, then this is just another way to make you even better. An increase in blood flow will help you with: fatigue, headaches, high blood pressure, and in extreme cases, heart attacks and strokes.

Are you in the shower yet?

Need more?

Jeez Louise.

3. A Reset Button: Remember the “reset” buttons on the old Nintendo? Am I dating myself too much? Dang it. Anyways. If I am being honest, the only time I would ever use that button is when things were not going very well for me in: Super Mario Bros (1–3), Contra, Bases Loaded, or Tecmo Bowl. It was a gutless move, especially when I was playing someone else. They never appreciated it. Oh well. But if you are in a funk, there is no shame in hitting the reset button. Forget tomorrow is another day, you can flip that switch and change everything in the next few minutes. Cold showers reset your nervous system. Actually, the shock turns on your autonomic nervous system (fight or flight), then your parasympathetic nervous system kicks back in afterwards, relaxing your nervous system.

Are you sold now?

Some other benefits to cold showers, besides recharging your body: tightens skin, pushes out toxins in the body because your body constricts in cold water, pushing them out, activates fat burning, increases testosterone and fertility, improves hair and skin heath, and increases your immunity!

What else do you need?

Happy showering!

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Brene Brown

This interview has been the most difficult to write. There is so much tangible information I had a difficult time deciding what to leave out. Here is the link to the podcast. I pieced out the information for entrepreneurs specifically, but she has so much wisdom for life in general, you should do yourself a favor and check it out.

I have taken her interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one there are on.

Please enjoy.

How Do I Win?

The most important aspect of winning is making sure that you are not losing. Sabotaging is the easiest way to not only lose, but to feel like a loser.

You need to learn how to sift through your emotions, let go of the thoughts and feelings that are

holding you back, and push through.

The sooner you push, the sooner you break through, the sooner you win.

Storytelling

This is not the kind of storytelling where you sit around in a circle and no matter what happens, everyone lives happily ever after. This is a conspiracy theory type of storytelling, and you are the main character. The good thing is, you are also the author of this story, and you are the one that chooses the ending.

There are two things that happen when we storytell: we get emotional, and we fill in information that we do not have. After that, we react to the situation where we filled in information as if it were fact, and it’s not.

See how that can work against you?

What was that look? What did they mean by that? Are they being sarcastic? They hate me. I’m not good enough. I suck.

Sound familiar?

It should. We all do it, until we learn not to.

Rising Strong

Remember this: You WILL fail.

Expecting something more positive?

I bet you did.

But I would rather be honest and realistic, because that is what is going to help you. If you are truly putting yourself out there, truly engaging in work and life, you will fail. If you are not failing, you are not trying hard enough.

I want you to have an honest and realistic perspective. You can get that by asking yourself a few tough questions: 1. What am I feeling? 2. What is the story I am telling myself? 3. What facts do I ACTUALLY have? 4. What information do I still need?

Turn directly to your storytelling self, listen to what you have to say, acknowledge the feelings, then look at the situation and the information you REALLY have.

After you ask yourself those questions, ask the people you are dealing with questions. Ask for clarification, maybe even go so far as to let them know you are telling yourself a story based on your interaction and you want clarification.

Show them you have the balls to ask tough questions.

They will have more respect for you because you are showing that you have respect for yourself. You will not allow yourself to storytell, you would rather know the truth. Bravo to you!

Dealing With Discomfort

One thing I found consistently with people that are able to recover faster and rise stronger are the ones that are able to endure discomfort the most.

Will it be uncomfortable clarifying a point with your boss? Probably.

When you don’t get the outcome you want at a business meeting, will it be uncomfortable to go back and possibly get beat up digging deeper in to where you went wrong? Absolutely.

But after those tough discussions, after the discomfort, you will have a crystal clear view of the situation and how to handle it. You will learn about them, you will learn about yourself, and you will be better for it.

Keep reminding yourself that it will be ok. You will get through it. How do I know? Because when you keep pushing through the darkness you eventually get to the light, every time. Think back on other difficult times in your life, other difficult situations. How did you feel at the beginning? Awful, I am sure. Well guess what? You are still here. And you will be after the next one. It will be hard, but you keep pushing. That’s how you win.

Quotes

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

“Unused creativity. Creativity that has been disowned, is not benign. It’s painful, it metastasizes and turns in to dangerous things.”

“When you own the story, you get to write the ending.”

“Your ability to rise should never be predicated on other people.”

Brene Brown Links

Webpage

TedTalk

Author Page

Chase Jarvis Links

Joey Links

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Overcome You Fears & Live Your Dream

Everyone has dreams, but not everyone recognizes the fear that is holding them back.

We make excuses why we aren’t doing what we really want to: time, access, money, reality, etc.

If we were to apply The 5 Whys, number 4 or 5 would inevitably be fear.

Obviously I am not talking fear of snakes and spiders, I mean: fear of failure, fear of failing in front people, fear of not being as good as we think we are, and a general fear of the unknown. Emotional fear, just as paralyzing as the snake and spider, but more manageable.

For those of you unfamiliar with The 5 Whys, it is exactly what it sounds like. Take an issue you are having, for instance, why am I not a fill-in-the-blank yet? Then ask yourself, “why?” and keep asking yourself why until you get to the root of the problem. Money, reality, time, blah blah blah, will all work itself in there, but if you are honest, it will come down to fear. Maybe you are scared you will lose the money you invest in yourself, which means you are scared you won’t be good enough. If you don’t believe you are good enough, you are beating yourself before you even start. Either by not putting in the time at all, or working on your project with the feelings of eventual failure at every step. It will come through in your work, it will seep out during your sales pitch, and you will fail. A self-fulfilling prophecy. Killing your own dream.

The most important thing to recognize is each dream has steps. Do not look at the finished product and think of it as too big. Think of it as a collection of next steps, just out of your reach, attainable at every turn. If this is really your dream, you will be willing to put in some serious time to realize it. I am not talking days and weeks, I am talking years and years. No big deal. No pressure.

Like Tony Robbins says, “People overestimate what they can do in a week and underestimate what they can do in a year.”

This three step approach is designed to give you a comfortable space to work in. The key to it all is W-O-R-K. Without really going for it, putting in some major blood sweat at tears, your dream will just be sitting there, waiting for some attention, for the rest of your life. Give it and yourself the respect it deserves and get after it in the way you should.

Baby Steps

Dream living is a new thing for you. It will be hard to just jump right in 100% unless you are already working in the field you are “dreaming” in.

Plan out your attack. Set a schedule. Do something every day.

In the beginning, you may not even know what in the hell to do. That’s ok. If you have time set aside for your dreams, you can research people in your field, steps they took, or things you should be working on. Every piece of knowledge that you pick up will help. Everything you do in those hours must be something that will help you reach your goal. If it’s not, you need to stop doing it right now. What you will find is the more time you put in, the more clarity you will receive on the steps you need to take. Think of your time investment as earning compound interest. Pretty soon you won’t need a schedule, you won’t need to research anything, because you will be humming 7 days a week.

Start with baby steps, every single day, and make sure it all is focused on something that will allow you to reach your goal. Everything else needs to be put on hold.

Mitigate Your Risk

You need to be 100% on your dreams if you want them to happen, but you don’t need to sell the farm to do it. If you are working, then work on your dream before and after work, on the weekends. Get the 9–5, 5 days a week thing out of your head right now. You know who works 9–5 and then shuts down? No one who is trying to actually get something worthwhile done. If you want to be a cog in the machine, stop reading this right now. If you are willing to go 7 days a week, some on stuff you love, some on stuff you don’t like to do but it allows you to do the stuff you love, keep reading.

Don’t quit your job.

Don’t pee in the boss’s planter and tell that secretary you don’t like to F off, keep working. The less financial pressure you have on yourself, the more clarity you will have to approach and attack problems. Desperation is ugly and it will hijack your dreams. The less desperation the better. No desperation is best, obviously.

If it is going to cost some money, cut back on household expenses: eat out less, don’t use so much data on your phone, cut out some of the movie channels, or don’t buy so much expensive wine. Remember, you are going to be working your ass off. You will not have time for some of the extra-curriculars you have come accustomed to enjoying anyways.

This is a huge test for you: are you willing to give up your “fun” time in order to pursue your dreams?

If the answer is no, you need to make sure it is really your dream. Then make sure you understand what it is going to take.

The answer, by the way, should always be yes. Of course you are willing to cut out some “fun” for your dream. Why? Because the pursuit of your dream should be fun already!

Do you think Casey Neistat (@CaseyNeistat) hangs out with friends all the time?

You think Gary Vaynerchuk (@GaryVee) is going out to dinner and partying on the weekends?

The answer to both is hell no.

Take care of your dreams and your family. That’s it. You don’t want compromise your family or your dreams, so don’t.

Dreams are fun. Family is fun.

Remember that.

Change Your Mindset

What is winning, and what is failing?

Forget everything you know, or think you know.

From now on, winning is: learning, gaining a new skill that can be applied later through a project that doesn’t “go anywhere”(I call this failing up), taking a step in the right direction, doing something better than the day before, learning from mistakes because you know it is all part of the learning process, and finally, doing it all again tomorrow.

On the flipside, failing is: not in your vocabulary anymore.

Adios.

Ciao.

Hasta la bye-bye.

You can’t fail. It is not an option because it is not possible. Let’s put our Thomas Edison hat on. From now on when you don’t get the result you want you have just found another way it didn’t work.

That’s it. Move on.

You are on a journey.

The path is not important, it’s the destination that is.

As long as you are still moving in the right direction, you are winning every single day.

Don’t forget that. You are winning every day you do something towards your goal.

You are a winner.

You are winning.

Congratulations.

You should be proud of yourself.

Down Days

You are going to have days that are harder than others. If this is truly your dream you will figure out ways to get through them.

Here is my vlog on what I do when I have s*** days. (What To Do When You Are Having A S*** Day) I know I am all “ra-ra-go-team!” but I can get in to a funk too. I have things in place to make sure they don’t last longer than they need to. Hopefully some of those techniques can work for you

too.

You know it’s a dream when you are willing to take some lumps along the way. It will get hard. You will get down. You will not be as far as you wished you were. It’s going to happen. It happened to me yesterday. Boo hoo. Get over it and get back on the horse.

Keep in mind that this is a journey, this is a lifetime. Get the calendar out of here, don’t put a time limit on it, you shouldn’t even be thinking of it like that.

Your time is up the day you die.

It’s time to stop dreaming, and start doing.

You have wasted every day up to this point by not following your dream.

The good news is, you never have to waste another day again.

So don’t.

Monday, June 27, 2016

How To Deal With Assholes

Let’s get straight to the point: Just avoid them.

Easy, huh?

Just kidding. You can’t. They are everywhere.

At work. In traffic. At the grocery store. In your family. And probably in your house. You might be one too. Let’s be honest, you are at least sometimes. I know I am.

Strategy Time

I truly believe that you can’t let someone get under your skin unless you let them get under your skin. What I mean is, you can’t get angry unless you let yourself get angry. Not unless you give them the power to control your mood and your happiness.

Did you honestly think I wasn’t going to make this a “you” problem? I am and the King Of Self-Awareness baby! All problems are your problems. It’s time to get on board! Toot toot!

All kidding aside (even though I am not kidding about it being your problemo), there are different strategies based on who you are dealing with. There is: The Stranger Approach to Assholes, and the Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes.

#1 The Stranger Approach To Assholes

Do you really walk out your door and get surprised that you run in to assholes? Seriously? You know you are going to drive next to them. You know they are going to be in front of you at Costco. You know they are going to be on the train or the bus. You should be prepared for this the second you walk out the door each day.

Here is a quote from Marcus Aurelius. This should go through your head every day:

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own — not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”

The truth is, you have no idea what someone else is going through that day. Just like they don’t know what you are going through. We all have bad days. We all have perspectives and points of view. That’s what makes us so interesting. It is also what makes us so irritating. We don’t walk through our days thinking about everyone we come across, we think about ourselves. That is why you are so mad when they cut you off.

How dare they!! Don’t they know you have places to go!?!

It’s not about you.

It’s not about me.

You need to prepare yourself every day to deal with people that do not have the same agenda as you at the same time. Not everyone is late for work. Not everyone takes their job as seriously as you. The world is not here to please you. So when you walk out that door, understand that you are just a piece of the puzzle. Some pieces fit and some don’t, but there is a place for everyone.

So when someone cuts you off. When (one of my favorites) someone at the grocery store is oblivious to the fact that there are other people in the aisles, when your waitress is rude, or when that dummy is playing his completely inappropriate music out loud in a crowded space for everyone to listen to instead of having some headphones (another one of my favorites), you can just say, “Wow. That person has a lot going on today.” And move on.

Simple. Effective.

Now for the hard one.

#2 Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes

This is basically designed for people you work with and family members.

It is really hard, I know.

Lazy, rude, sloppy, stupid, the list goes on and on. You can’t fire them, unless you are the boss, then go ahead. But you can’t fire your family. You can’t ignore them, or “unfriend” them. You are bound by blood, and you are stuck.

So you have to make it work in both instances.

My only suggestion is to flip the script on them, make light of the thing that irritates you the most.

Get to the root of their assholeness. Really get in there.

That sounds weird, even in context.

Better put, use their stuff against them.

If you are a Metallica fan, fight fire with fire.

If they are negative, joke around about their negativity.

If they are rude, make a joke about saying please and thank you.

Tell them it is a pleasure to see them in such a good mood.

Whatever your strategy, don’t let it build up. When it builds up you explode. When it builds up you gossip. You talk about them behind their back, that means you are getting worked up about them even when they are not directly irritating you, then you are an asshole too. Be straight forward with people. If you have to tell them they suck at their job, do it. If they are a family member that does something you don’t like, tell them. Joke with it, or go straight at it, but holding it inside is the worst thing you can do when you are dealing with this type of an asshole. Holding it in ruins your day, your week, your month, your year. On top of that, if you bring it home (assuming the person is not in your home) you are ruining your house too. Look how much power you are giving this person. This asshole.

Seems silly doesn’t it?

The Bottom Line

It all comes down to anticipation. You should be anticipating dealing with assholes. You may not know how, but you can anticipate that something will get you irritated. The anticipation allows you to let it bounce off of you because you were expecting it. Instead of being surprised, you can be prepared.

The same anticipation you use to go out in the world is the same anticipation you can use to deal with the Frequent Interaction Asshole. If you know Betty is going to be a bitch at work, for whatever reason, if that ruins your day, it’s your fault. Work around it. Absorb it, ignore it. Whatever you need to do to block it out. You have the ability to block it, so use it. You know it’s there, so you should never be surprised by it. It’s all about the game plan.

You have more power than you know. It’s time to utilize it.

Stay strong my people.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

The Best Piece Of Advice For Anyone, Ever

This may be the most important thing you ever read from me.

This may be the defining moment in your life where everything starts to turn around.

Maybe it was good before. Well, it’s going to be GREAT now.

I will be considered a genius.

Or I would have been, if I came up with this on my own.

But I didn’t.

What I did do is hear virtually the same thing from three different places, and they are all equally powerful. You can decide which origin works best for you. If you want to use me, I am okay with that too.

So what is this end-all-be-all pieces of advice?

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37 (that’s in the Bible by the way. I want to make sure we are all on the same page.)

Not a churchgoer?

How about,

“If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.” — James Altucher (@jaltucher)

Want more flash? More pizazz?

“If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a no” — Derek Sivers (@sivers)

They all work the same, they are all equally powerful. You pick which one sinks in the most.

How It Works

This basically comes down to commitment.

You are either in or out. The times we find ourselves in trouble are when we are in the middle. We say “yes”, but there is a lot of “no.” Or we say “no,” but we leave some room for “yes.”

This can be applied to anything!!! Jobs, assignments, relationships, tasks, chores, and most importantly, things that can get your ass in trouble!

How many times have you been in trouble for something you knew you shouldn’t be doing in the first place? Let me guess, every time you have ever been in trouble? EVER? Why don’t we listen to our guts? They let us know when things are not right. Do we discount them because we can’t process exactly what the bad feeling is? Everyone else is doing it so I must be weird or whatever else we tell ourselves. We say yes, but we mean no.

How about the times when we say no, because we know it is bad, but we don’t definitively slam the door? Guess what? 99.9% closed is still .01% open. Guess what happens with that little itty bitty opening? Soon it’s 5%, then 12%, then it’s wide the F*** open and you don’t even know what happened.

I do.

Your “no” wasn’t “no” enough. You didn’t slam that door. Were you trying to be nice? Trying to not make the situation worse? Trying not to hurt feelings? Why did you leave the door open? Now look at you. Idiot.

This can happen in ALL situations, ALL walks of life: cheating, stealing, drugs, alcohol, drink driving, violence, etc. I guarantee in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these situations, there was a no, but too much yes (and by too much, I mean any), the door flung open, and you found yourself in a total mess.

Tell me I’m wrong!

That’s what I thought.

I hate being right, but I know I am. Why? Because my “no” wasn’t “no” enough. I realized that too late.

When You Say No To Others, You Say Yes To Yourself

Holy crap. This is a big time blog today. You are getting all kinds of good stuff. See what happens when you listen to someone who has messed up and learned? I’ve been there, and I got out. I do this to show you that you can too.

When you focus on what you truly want to do, there are going to be “no’s.” There have to be, because you need time for your “yes’s.” Don’t worry about missing out on things. Don’t worry about the money you could have made, you are happier, there will be other opportunities because you are focusing on what you REALLY want to do, not what you think you have to do, not what someone else wants you to do.

When you learn to: listen to, love, and know yourself, you can do this easily. That doesn’t mean make drastic decisions. You may need to sit on an idea for a couple of days to know if it is truly a “hell yes” or not. One thing you will know, is don’t commit to it when it looks like a “no.” That will only make you miserable, or worse, get your stupid, non-listening, ass in trouble.

Can you see how valuable this is?

Think back to every single mistake you have ever made in your life. There was a lot of gray in the decision making wasn’t there?

Now think to everything that was a “hell yes” or a “hell no” (substitute the “hell” for “F” if that is what works better for you). You either did something that you loved, or you avoided a disaster, but you were better for it. Now apply that to everything in your life.

Some Potential Issues

If you don’t know yourself well enough, and even when your decisions are definitive they mess you up, then you need help. Not in a mean way, in a, ”Please get help” sort of way. Or, if you can look at the things you really want to do, you are an absolute “hell yes” but all of those decisions are stupid, like: cheating, hurting, stealing, dealing, abandoning kids, spouses, not paying bills, etc. then you need help as well. Just being honest. Like anything else, there are upsides and downsides. We need to learn about ourselves before we can move forward in life. Give yourself a chance. Self-reflection is key.

Apply It ASAP

Start this today. Just for practice, look at your day today. What are you “hell yes” about and what are you “hell no” about? Hopefully you have more “yes” than “no.” Don’t get down if it doesn’t look so hot, realization is the first step. Then audit the shit out of your day.

This life is a constant evolution. Always be refining yourself, getting better every day, living smarter, appreciating more, being a better person, a healthier person. We have something beautiful at our fingertips. Hold on to it instead of letting it slip away.