Just One Joey: How To Deal With Assholes

Let’s get straight to the point: Just avoid them.

Easy, huh?

Just kidding. You can’t. They are everywhere.

At work. In traffic. At the grocery store. In your family. And probably in your house. You might be one too. Let’s be honest, you are at least sometimes. I know I am.

Strategy Time

I truly believe that you can’t let someone get under your skin unless you let them get under your skin. What I mean is, you can’t get angry unless you let yourself get angry. Not unless you give them the power to control your mood and your happiness.

Did you honestly think I wasn’t going to make this a “you” problem? I am and the King Of Self-Awareness baby! All problems are your problems. It’s time to get on board! Toot toot!

All kidding aside (even though I am not kidding about it being your problemo), there are different strategies based on who you are dealing with. There is: The Stranger Approach to Assholes, and the Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes.

#1 The Stranger Approach To Assholes

Do you really walk out your door and get surprised that you run in to assholes? Seriously? You know you are going to drive next to them. You know they are going to be in front of you at Costco. You know they are going to be on the train or the bus. You should be prepared for this the second you walk out the door each day.

Here is a quote from Marcus Aurelius. This should go through your head every day:

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own — not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”

The truth is, you have no idea what someone else is going through that day. Just like they don’t know what you are going through. We all have bad days. We all have perspectives and points of view. That’s what makes us so interesting. It is also what makes us so irritating. We don’t walk through our days thinking about everyone we come across, we think about ourselves. That is why you are so mad when they cut you off.

How dare they!! Don’t they know you have places to go!?!

It’s not about you.

It’s not about me.

You need to prepare yourself every day to deal with people that do not have the same agenda as you at the same time. Not everyone is late for work. Not everyone takes their job as seriously as you. The world is not here to please you. So when you walk out that door, understand that you are just a piece of the puzzle. Some pieces fit and some don’t, but there is a place for everyone.

So when someone cuts you off. When (one of my favorites) someone at the grocery store is oblivious to the fact that there are other people in the aisles, when your waitress is rude, or when that dummy is playing his completely inappropriate music out loud in a crowded space for everyone to listen to instead of having some headphones (another one of my favorites), you can just say, “Wow. That person has a lot going on today.” And move on.

Simple. Effective.

Now for the hard one.

#2 Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes

This is basically designed for people you work with and family members.

It is really hard, I know.

Lazy, rude, sloppy, stupid, the list goes on and on. You can’t fire them, unless you are the boss, then go ahead. But you can’t fire your family. You can’t ignore them, or “unfriend” them. You are bound by blood, and you are stuck.

So you have to make it work in both instances.

My only suggestion is to flip the script on them, make light of the thing that irritates you the most.

Get to the root of their assholeness. Really get in there.

That sounds weird, even in context.

Better put, use their stuff against them.

If you are a Metallica fan, fight fire with fire.

If they are negative, joke around about their negativity.

If they are rude, make a joke about saying please and thank you.

Tell them it is a pleasure to see them in such a good mood.

Whatever your strategy, don’t let it build up. When it builds up you explode. When it builds up you gossip. You talk about them behind their back, that means you are getting worked up about them even when they are not directly irritating you, then you are an asshole too. Be straight forward with people. If you have to tell them they suck at their job, do it. If they are a family member that does something you don’t like, tell them. Joke with it, or go straight at it, but holding it inside is the worst thing you can do when you are dealing with this type of an asshole. Holding it in ruins your day, your week, your month, your year. On top of that, if you bring it home (assuming the person is not in your home) you are ruining your house too. Look how much power you are giving this person. This asshole.

Seems silly doesn’t it?

The Bottom Line

It all comes down to anticipation. You should be anticipating dealing with assholes. You may not know how, but you can anticipate that something will get you irritated. The anticipation allows you to let it bounce off of you because you were expecting it. Instead of being surprised, you can be prepared.

The same anticipation you use to go out in the world is the same anticipation you can use to deal with the Frequent Interaction Asshole. If you know Betty is going to be a bitch at work, for whatever reason, if that ruins your day, it’s your fault. Work around it. Absorb it, ignore it. Whatever you need to do to block it out. You have the ability to block it, so use it. You know it’s there, so you should never be surprised by it. It’s all about the game plan.

You have more power than you know. It’s time to utilize it.

Stay strong my people.