Just One Joey: happiness

Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Be A F***ing Weirdo

“Tetris taught me that trying to fit in will make you disappear.” — A Smart Person

I am weird.

That is not something I have ever admitted to anyone.

I don’t fit in.

I never have.

But I tried.

I’m glad I wasn’t able to.

Now I don’t have to worry about disappearing. I can embrace what makes me unique, be comfortable in my own skin, and just be a happy fucking weirdo.

Finally!

The Roller Coaster Ride

Man, I have been all over the place.

I’ve been loud, quiet, funny, a drunk, a rock star, an introvert, and extrovert, a loser, and a party animal.

I tried all the hats on, have done everything, and in the end, I just needed to be me.

Who Is Me?

A nerd. A boring, homebody. A dad that works every day of the week, who loves his job, and loves spending time with his family. Everything is scheduled. Everything has a place. Everything has a purpose. It is family TV night on Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday. I get up at 5am every day of the week. I have the same routine every single morning: water, meditate, journal, coffee, read, poop, run.

Then I work. I write, film, create, build, win, lose, learn, and repeat. All day. Every day.

I am boring.

In fact, I am the most boring person I know, and I am totally cool with it.

I don’t like going out. I am usually falling asleep on the couch at 830pm.

I have friends that I would do absolutely anything for, that I talk to once a month, if that, and see a couple times a year. Why? Because I don’t like hanging out. It feels unproductive to me. I get restless. I need action. I need productivity.

Instead of fighting it because it is something I am “supposed” to do, I just don’t.

Fuck it. I will just be me thank you very much.

I have two drinks a night, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and that’s it. Usually Guinness, or the discontinued Firestone Wookey Jack (R.I.P.) or a nice Cab (Ste. Michelle — WA).

That’s it.

See? I told you I was boring.

Be You. Be Happy.

Who are you?

Do you even know?

Not who you think you should be. Not who you think others think you should be.

You.

What do you hide?

What do you like that others don’t?

What makes you different?

Just for the record, I don’t really want to know if it’s some weird ass shit. This isn’t a sexual thing we are talking about. I mean, like, “A Bad Case of The Stripes” kind of weird. You know, lima beans.

Don’t go overboard my friend.

There are so many things that are not “The Norm.” Everyone should be x,y,z. The heroes have as much of a checklist as the antiheroes. If you a cool, there is a checklist. If you are a geek, there is a checklist. What if you are cool in some areas and a nerd in others? We’ve all seen Rudolf, right?

What if you are trapped in an elf’s outfit and you are really a dentist?

You have to be you.

Your happiness depends on it.

Brian Koppelman has a beautiful theory that when you suppress who you really are it turns in to a cancer. If you ignore who you are you (subconsciously or not) get mad at yourself and it starts manifesting itself in horrible ways. Anger, sadness, acting out, doing crazy things, all pulling yourself even further away from yourself.

What are you suppressing?

And why?

Are you giving people too much power? Or are you not giving yourself enough?

Find some heroes. Find people that are different and embraced it.

I wrote the blog for a Chase Jarvis series called 30 Days Of Genius. If you are looking to chart your own path, there are some amazing people he interviewed that would be a perfect starting point. Or just look people up. People like: Caterina Fake, Austin Kleon, Neil Strauss, James Altucher, Stephan Sagmeister, Ramit Sethi, and Brian Solis.

There are people out there that did it their own way, on their own path.

Connect with these people. If you take someone else’s path, you are only walking away from yourself.

There are weirdos out there, just like you, just like me. They embrace what makes them different.

They understand that fitting in is blending in is disappearing.

Do you want to disappear?

Be someone else?

Or would you rather be a beautiful, wonderful, happy, fucking weirdo?

Friday, February 3, 2017

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Gretchen Rubin

Our greatness is predicated on many things, but getting out of your own way may be the biggest. Gretchen Rubin offers insights and exercises to help you do just that, and create a life for yourself that is meaningful, exciting, and made just for you. An expert in happiness and habits, she will give everyone who reads this something to take with them to improve themselves. She is incredible.

I have taken her interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one there are on.

Please enjoy.

How Can I Be The Best Version Of Me?

I know what you want to hear, “just do what feels natural,” or “go with the flow,” and “let loose.”

Those sound great, but those will most likely cause you to drift. That may be good or bad, but I would bet that it ends up bad more than good.

So, what the heck is drifting?

Exactly what it sounds like, you drift. The path of least resistance. Swept away with the tide. You don’t want to ask yourself hard questions, or you don’t want to risk conflict with someone you care about. Drifting means you are not making choices. You really are just going with the flow. When you do that, you are taking the chance that you end up somewhere you do not want to be.

This can come in the form of school, majors, minors, dating, marriage, minor purchases, major purchases, etc.

You need to ask yourself, why are you doing it?

You HAVE to know yourself. You HAVE to constantly ask questions, figure out how you are different from other people. What do YOU want? What makes YOU happy? Not what someone else wants, not what you THINK someone else wants. You, you, you.

Where Do I Start?

I think these three questions will get you on the right track.

1. Whom do you envy? When you make your list, realize that envy is wanting something someone else has. What do they have that you want?

2. What do you try to hide? If you are hiding something, then your life is not reflecting your values, or the values of those around you. It could be a good or bad, but things are not lining up. You need to figure out why.

3. Are you a marathoner or a sprinter? This is exactly what it sounds like. Do you function better with slow and steady, or are you better with adrenaline and deadlines? This question will allow you to set up your work/creative life to fit YOU, not those around you, not what you think you should be. It’s all about you.

After that, you can start digging deeper in to yourself. Asking yourself questions like: when have I succeeded in the past? When do I feel my best? Then you can distinguish your strengths and weaknesses and harness both. Build up your strengths and mitigate your weaknesses. This will allow you to make better choices, and put yourself in a position to win.

People are in denial. They don’t look at who they are. They don’t look at why they are doing things.

They just drift.

How Do I Keep From Drifting?

Habits.

Not someone else’s habits, your own habits. As in, you have goals, what things can you do every day that will help you reach those goals? Actually, let’s use milestones instead. Goals are great for reaching goals, but not so good for creating habits. Want to lose 20 lbs? Great. What happens once you have lost the 20 lbs? Exactly.

How do you get habits? Well, work. There is no magic list. Everyone is different. Can you try someone else’s to get started? Of course, but remember to ask yourself the tough questions. Is this me? Does this work for me? When you create your habits you need to know what is true about you and what kind of a person you are. You can’t prescribe a solution until you know who you are. When do you do your best work? What attracts you? When have you been successful in the past? It is about setting yourself up for action, not reaction. Success and productivity shouldn’t be hit and miss. It should at least be a lot more hit than miss.

No matter what your goals are, you need to remember that there is nothing keeping you from doing what you want. There are eyes and ears everywhere. You can build an audience anywhere. You can figure out what you want to do and how you want to do it with very low stakes investments.

Find your perfect day, then figure out how to have that day every day, and you will have habits that allow you to live the life you say you want. Habits are freeing and energizing because they make the decisions for you. You are free. Your days are frictionless.

As you get going, start looking for your loopholes. What keeps you from accomplishing your habits?

Once you figure those out, you avoid them so they don’t sabotage your habits. Before you know it you will be a machine!

Knowing yourself is the key to everything: your interests, values, tastes, temperament. You can expand but you can’t move the center of yourself. “People do best what comes naturally” — JFK.

Your best work should come form that central place.

What is your center?

What do you do in your spare time?

When are you at your best?

When are you at your worst?

When are you happiest?

When are you sad?

What are your goals? Your milestones?

Answer those, then focus on the next step, not the last. Take it a day at a time, piece by piece.

Quotes

Goals are a good way to reach a goal, not a way to create a habit.

“People do best what comes naturally” — JFK

Knowing yourself is the key to everything.

Gretchen Rubin Links

Chase Jarvis Links

Joey Links

Monday, December 19, 2016

The Christmas Test

For those of you that do not celebrate Christmas, just replace “Christmas” with “Birthday”, and you will get the same effect.

With the holiday season in full swing, I think this is the perfect time to share my theory.

Test Origins

This actually started as The Birthday Test in 2004, not coincidentally, on my birthday. As I thought about it more, I realized it was really a two part test, Birthday & Christmas.

My epiphany that birthday?

“This birthday sucks!“

That’s it.

Tada!!

Keep it simple.

Just for the record, it wasn’t in a spoiled brat kind of a way. Even when I look back on it now, 12 years later, it really was a bad birthday, mostly because I was in a bad place. I was single after being in a relationship for 4 years with a wonderful girl who just wasn’t right for me. I had just started my first career at the cost of smothering my passion, I was in a tug-of-war between myself and what I thought myself should be, and to avoid dealing with it all I was burying it in partying.

It was not who I was. It was not who I wanted to be.

Something had to change.

(this is a whole other essay in itself, but my changes were extreme, and stupid. Why? Because I wasn’t really dealing with what I was feeling or going through, so I just covered it up with what made sense, another relationship and doubling down on my career. #dummy).

You

Have you ever had a s*** birthday?

Have you ever had a s*** Christmas (or whatever you celebrate)?

**On a side note these tests will work with anyone except Jehovah’s Witnesses. You guys don’t celebrate anything, so, I don’t know what to say. Sorry for not having a test for you?

Anyways,

If you have ever had a s** birthday or Christmas, you have already taken the test, but you didn’t know it.

The Test

Christmas and birthdays are inherently happy occasions. Singing, lights, presents, candles, etc. They are fun, colorful, celebratory, great days. At least they should be.

So if you find yourself having a bad one, consider it a test.

There is only one question: What the hell is going on?

J/K, kind of.

The question is, how do I change so this doesn’t happen again next year?

Notice I didn’t say, “How does he change? or she change?” It is, how do I change?

This all starts and ends with you. As soon as you place the blame for your unhappiness on anyone else, you lose. This is all you baby! Own it!

Your life not being right will never be more apparent than on a special day like Christmas or your birthday.

Those days should bring a smile to your face, and happiness to your heart. If they don’t, it is time to make a change.

Audit Your Life

As hard as it is to be down on one of these special days, you will need to dig deeper. What is bringing you down? How have you let it get to this point? What can you do about it?

If it is just a general depression because you don’t like getting older, get over it. We all get older. Take really good care of yourself so you aren’t falling apart in your 40s. There are easier ways to get older, you just need to choose wisely.

So, what is the problem?

Relationships? Money? Weight? Health?

What is it?

How did you get here? What stories have you been telling yourself? How have you been justifying it?

This test is a slap in the face.

It will get your attention.

But you MUST deal with it appropriately.

What does that mean? You need to DEAL with it.

I have a good friend that just broke up with her boyfriend. What does she want to do to feel better?

Get a damn cat.

I am cool with pets (I’m more of a dog person myself), but filling a void when the “void” is fresh is the LAST thing you should do. You need to deal with what you are, well, dealing with. Feel the feelings, sift through your thoughts, and deal with it.

Filling a void is never filling the void, it is just covering the hole.

You may not see it, but it’s there. Others may not see it, but it’s there. You need to get down in there, clean it out, and start rebuilding. In medicine it’s called debriding. When you have a deep wound (and that’s what this test exposes), you need to basically cut to heal. Dig out all the rotten flesh, the bacteria, the stuff that will keep you from healing 100% and flush it all out. Once it is gone, the wound will heal good as new, maybe even better.

Isn’t that what you want?

Don’t you want to take the feelings you are having right now and remove them forever?

Not cover, but recover?

This bad Christmas of yours is a gift.

It may look like a box of s***, but it’s The Christmas Test.

Not the thing you asked for but the thing you need.

Isn’t that how it always works out?

You don’t get what you want, you get what you need.

Well you have what you need.

Take the test.

Ace it.

And have a Happy Holiday.

To all of you who find yourselves searching this holiday season and New Year’s, keep going. Everything you need is out there. You find it with hard work and honesty with yourself. I am here if you have any questions, and there are authors/podcasters out there that can help you: Tim Ferriss, James Altucher, Tony Robbins, Jordan Harbinger, Brian Koppelman, Gary Vaynerchuk, Lewis Howes, and many more.

Keep pushing, keep look, keep asking questions, and keep being honest. It will all work out.

Friday, October 14, 2016

How You Will Most Likely F*** Yourself

I see this all the time.

If I am going to create a blog/vlog/podcast about helping people, the more the better, right?

Being in my late 30s, I am starting to see patterns of people around me in my age bracket. One of those patterns is how they are completely f***ing themselves.

I thought I should share it with you.

Stuff

That’s it.

People f*** themselves with stuff.

Houses, cars, clothes, etc.

Stuff.

None of these things are inherently bad.

Then how do they f*** you?

If you are not careful, each “stuff” you purchase is a handcuff, a link in a chain wrapped around your wrists, then your ankles, and then your throat. Then you are f***ed.

The more you buy, the more you are committed to, the more you have to maintain, the more weight on your shoulders, the more pressure to perform, the more pressure to focus on money over happiness, the more you are f***ed.

What I Hear Too Often

“I am not happy.”

“I hate my job.”

“I am never home with my kids.”

But…..

“If I change jobs, I won’t be making as much, I can’t afford the house, the day care, the car, etc.”

Trapped.

Stuck.

F***ed.

You know what happens when you are unhappy? You make everyone unhappy around you. That house becomes your enemy. The bills are your enemy, then the people you are paying the bills for are your enemy. Your family, the thing you are maintaining all this “stuff” for, becomes your enemy.

Is that really where you want to be?

I hope not.

From what I see and hear, it is an awful place to be.

No one wants to be stuck.

No one wants to be trapped.

I hear the same thing every single time, “How in the f*** did I get here?”

We have the best intentions, we are thinking positively, it is what we are supposed to do: get the good job, buy the nice car, and buy the nice house.

The next thing we know, all that “stuff” is a brick in a wall that we have built up around us.

We would never want to be there.

But we do it ALL the time.

How To Avoid All Of This

Purchase as if you made less.

You may have $250,000 household income, but purchase as if you only had $150,000, or even better, $125,000.

Save the rest, but more importantly, don’t lock up the rest in “stuff.”

“Stuff” won’t make you happy.

As soon as you feel trapped, all that “stuff” makes you unhappy. After all, it is the stuff that is trapping you in the first place.

Use your credit cards to build credit, but pay it off each month. Spend what you have, not what you wish you had.

Buy the car that gets you from A to B comfortably, but there is no reason to go overboard. You work hard, you deserve a nice car, but you don’t want to have to work for the car. The car should work for you.

You don’t need to get the biggest house you can afford. Sure you qualify for a $1,000,000 loan, but why not buy a house for $600,000? Maybe it is a foreclosure, so you will make money right after you sign the paper? Or you wait to buy when there is a dip in the market and it will be easier for the property to appreciate in value?

You need to learn how to make money, but you also need to learn how to save money, and how to make money work for you.

Mindset

Look at your job as if you HAD to do it. Would you marry your job? This sounds stupid, but if you had to marry it, would you? And I don’t mean 50% divorce rate marry, I mean old skool, Catholic, you are married until you die, kind of marriage.

Would you do it then?

No flexibility. No new career. No “I’ve always wanted to try this.” Nothing. Just you and that job.

Till death do you part.

Will that work for you?

It wouldn’t work for me.

It doesn’t seem to be working for a large percentage of my age bracket.

It’s time to stop and think before we spend. Before we put those handcuffs on. Before we have to in order to maintain.

Give yourself a buffer, a little bit of breathing room.

So you can exhale.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Blame Yourself, Be Happy

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“There was nothing you could do.”

Let’s throw all of these out the window and replace them with,

“It’s your fault.”

Actually, this needs to come from you so, technically

“It’s my fault.”

Ah.

Doesn’t that feel better?

Of course not, because you are not in the right mindset.

Where you need to be is in the mindset that when ANYTHING goes wrong, EVERYTHING is your

fault.

Ouch.

Stick with me here people.

This is the only way to completely free yourself from victim mode, from the blame game, from

everyone else’s fault.

When It’s Your Fault You Are In Control

Don’t like the outcome? Do it different next time.

Don’t like your team? Make them better.

Don’t like following? Great. Lead.

If you are on a team, or in a business, or on a project, and it does not live up to expectations, you are at fault. You could have done something better, something different, been more insightful, or asked better questions, something, anything, but you didn’t

When you take the blame, you take control.

Isn’t that beautiful?

Maybe you are working on a project right now and it’s not going great. Don’t pass the torch, don’t separate yourself from it because it will fall on someone else’s shoulders. This is the time to dig deep and really get in there. It’s trench time baby! This is where they separate the leaders from the losers.

This is where you make a name for yourself.

Stand out, take charge, and take the blame.

If You Are Unhappy, Blame Yourself Right Now

This might sound cliché, but the first step to winning is admitting that you are losing.

So many people know this.

Very few people do it.

You know them. They are your friends, your family. Drinking, drugs, women, men, gambling, under committing, over committing, lazy, fat, whatever. You know them, you’ve seen them, and you may be one of them.

If you are unhappy, you need to look yourself in the mirror and blame yourself for your unhappiness.

What will this do (besides make you depressed)?

Hopefully it will flip your “on” switch and you will start taking charge.

No one made you drink.

No one made you eat too much.

No one keeps you from working out.

No one made you bet on those games.

No one made you take drugs.

No one made you call her back, or him back, when you knew you shouldn’t.

You did that!!

All by yourself!!

You dug the hole, and you are still holding the shovel.

Fix It

Now that we got the harsh part out of the way, you can start changing your life. Stop taking the easy way out, find your fault in every situation you are unhappy with. Once you admit the mistake you can fix it. If you never admit it, you will always blame someone or something else, and everything will stay exactly the same.

If you are always pointing outward, you will always be a victim. You will be at the disposal of the world around you because you are giving up control on your life.

He was mean to me.

We are poor.

My boss is a d***

If you are saying any of those things, you are saying, “I’m helpless.”

We all know you’re not. We can see your potential. But you are going to have to get out of your own way.

Blame yourself. Take control. Be happy.

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

The 60 Second Recharge

Need a little boost in your day?

Don’t have enough energy?

Feeling a little down?

I have a 60 second light switch.

Start your day with it. Use it after the gym. Use it before a meeting. Use it if you have a little too much “funk” in you day. It is almost a universal remedy.

I use it every day, twice a day. In the morning to start the workday on the right foot (along with meditation and coffee), and after my workouts, to reset my system.

What it this magic remedy?

A Cold Shower

That’s it?

Yup.

But that is so easy! I have a shower at home! One at the gym! One at work!

I know! That’s the best part! It’s accessible. It’s cheap. It’s effective!

It’s perfect!

A List Of Benefits

1. It Will Make You Happy: Cold water activates the sympathetic nervous system and increases the blood of beta-endorphins. What do endorphins do? They make you happy! They allow you to feel pleasure and a sense of satisfaction. Want to know something really crazy? Of course you do!! You know all those drugs that people take, then they get addicted, then they fall apart and it ruins their life? Heroin, codeine (sizzurp), morphine, oxy? They are all basically endorphin releasing agents! Crazy, huh? A cold shower will allow your body to release endorphins in your body the same way hardcore, addictive drugs can! Without your life falling apart!! Yipee!!

2. Increases Blood Flow: When your body is cold (specifically for this article, when you are standing in a freezing ass shower), your body redirects blood to your vital organs. Why? It thinks you may be dying (April Fool’s body!! I’m not really dying! Gotcha!). But you aren’t, obviously. It forces your heart to pump more efficiently, pushing blood harder through your vessels to make sure your “guts” are protected. The increase in blood flow also means you are getting oxygen and nutrients pushed throughout your body, and more importantly, to vital parts. Increased circulation means a healthier body. Already workout? Good for you, then this is just another way to make you even better. An increase in blood flow will help you with: fatigue, headaches, high blood pressure, and in extreme cases, heart attacks and strokes.

Are you in the shower yet?

Need more?

Jeez Louise.

3. A Reset Button: Remember the “reset” buttons on the old Nintendo? Am I dating myself too much? Dang it. Anyways. If I am being honest, the only time I would ever use that button is when things were not going very well for me in: Super Mario Bros (1–3), Contra, Bases Loaded, or Tecmo Bowl. It was a gutless move, especially when I was playing someone else. They never appreciated it. Oh well. But if you are in a funk, there is no shame in hitting the reset button. Forget tomorrow is another day, you can flip that switch and change everything in the next few minutes. Cold showers reset your nervous system. Actually, the shock turns on your autonomic nervous system (fight or flight), then your parasympathetic nervous system kicks back in afterwards, relaxing your nervous system.

Are you sold now?

Some other benefits to cold showers, besides recharging your body: tightens skin, pushes out toxins in the body because your body constricts in cold water, pushing them out, activates fat burning, increases testosterone and fertility, improves hair and skin heath, and increases your immunity!

What else do you need?

Happy showering!

Monday, June 20, 2016

Steps To Find Your Northern Star

This may not work for everyone, but it worked for me.

I found my Northern Star. Looking back, I always knew what it was, but I let the “real world” talk me out of it. It was just a hobby. You can’t do that for a living. Music? Who does that? What are the chances of you making it? Get a “real” job, and then do “your little music thing” on the weekend and after hours., where it belongs.

Ok. So I got a real job.

And how did I interpret my interpretation of a job? 1. Jobs suck, but you have to do them. 2. Love and passion are for hobbies. 3. Now you need to find a job that gives you time to do what you really love, but make enough money so you aren’t a loser.

And that was the beginning of The War With Myself. World War Joey.

It was a fight to fit in. A fight to do what I thought I was supposed to do.

I knew I didn’t really want to do it, but this was the real world. Right? Suck it up and do what you gotta do.

I allowed the “real world” to cage me in, to neglect my passion, to trap me, and I didn’t even know it.

My life view was so limited, I didn’t see my own potential.

Looking back, the slow decay is obvious. The rust was eating away at me, oxidizing my dreams, breaking down my armor, and I just sat there, like a dummy.

Why wasn’t I doing what I knew I wanted to be doing? Did I even know what I wanted to be doing?

Lesson #1 — Reflect, Reflect, Reflect

I have no idea how old you are. I was 32 when I started reflecting. Never too late, right?

Because I was in the middle of a life implosion, I was looking for any kind of clarity. 1. When was I more focused? 2. When did I have a stronger sense of self? I was looking for the point in my life where I would have kicked the shit out of myself for being where I was today. When was that?

For me? College.

Ages 18–22. San Diego, CA

What did I love then?

Music. Running. Learning. All three were things that would pop up at different points of my life, like they were a part of me. Music is in my blood, running is in my blood (I found out later I loved running because it allowed my ADHD brain to work correctly. Yay!), and I love learning about new things, analyzing them, taking bits and pieces so I can apply them to other aspects/projects in my life.

Make sense?

Like I said, this is my journey. Focus on the lessons, not what I found out about myself. This is a custom job. Pimp My Life. Sorry, too old of a TV show? What’s a TV show you ask? Dang.

Now it’s your turn. Look back over your life. 1. What are things you love (even if they don’t seem like they could be a source of income)? Reading? Writing? Socializing? It can be anything. 2. Where are you most comfortable? 3. When are you your happiest? It doesn’t necessarily have to be a thing, like poetry or cycling, just think of times when you were at your best, your happiest. What were you doing?

Start there.

WARNING: If you say you are your happiest when you are out drinking and smoking with your friends, STOP. That sounds like a quick trip to Loserville, population You. Unless you and your friends do something inherently constructive, hanging out, drinking and getting high are not avenues to explore you purpose in life (unless it is so epic you can start a vlog, but even then, you need a videographer, equipment, creativity, vision, etc. and that may be the real passion, not the partying).

Can you think of something? Start looking between the ages of 14–22. What did you love? What do you look back on fondly?

What didn’t you focus on those as a career back then?

Because you were scared.

Lesson #2 — Don’t Be Scared

The only reason you would be scared is because you don’t think you are good enough at what you are passionate about to do it for a living. Failing at the thing you love the most? Uh, no thank you. I will just daydream and never put myself out there. Better safe than sorry. Better to “what if?” than “oh, I suck.”

Don’t be a pussy (cat).

The magic of your passion is, because you love it, you can take the hits, you can allow yourself the opportunity to fail because you love it so much you will rebound and learn from it. You have to. It’s your passion! You may not be good enough yet, you probably aren’t, but that comes with time. That comes from commitment. It needs to be deliberate, and it needs to be A LOT!!! So…….

Lesson #3 — Put In The Time

Nothing worth doing is going to be easy. If it’s easy it’s not pushing you, it’s not stretching your capabilities, it’s not allowing you to grow, which means you are stagnant, just floating in the same place. If you are going to grow and get better, get to a place where you can take something you love and embrace it as a career you need to be damn good, and you need to be a hard ass worker.

Think you are too lazy?

Don’t worry, you have just conditioned yourself to be lazy. All you have to do is un-condition yourself. Sound hard? It is, sort of, but just start with a 24 hour audit of your life: 1. How do you spend your time? 2. When you are most productive? 3. What things do you need to do/have to be your most productive? This is not something you can sit down with and write out in 10 minutes. Start working, then audit yourself along the way. In no time, you will be more efficient, producing better whatever-it-is you are doing. But you HAVE to put in the time. Work ethic is EVERYTHING once you have your direction. You will never get there just looking at it.

Lesson #4 — Remember It Is A Direction, Not A Path

People fall in love with paths.

I did.

Paths are so easy.

When you are 22, just graduating college, the world is wide open. You can do anything, be anything, and go anywhere. What do you do? You look for a path. You try to find the, A + B = C. Ambiguity is not comforting, so you look for the certificates that lead to specific jobs, the degrees that lead to specific jobs, staying in school because you want more degrees, you know, the things you are familiar with. Why? Because they are comfortable. You do what your dad does, or what you mom does. Why? Because it’s a path, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to walk on a path than head in a general direction (even if your dreams are that way). It may be perfect for you, maybe your direction and path are smooshed together, but I would bet it is just an easy way out. It allows you to tell yourself you are doing the right thing.

“I know exactly what I am doing. Look at this path I am on.”

But really, you are just being lead. Handing in your individuality, your potential, the thing that makes you special, because it is a big ‘ol scary world with too many possibilities. Have you seen Room? The kid wants to go back to Room. Why? Because it is familiar, and small, and safe (sort of).

Don’t be lead astray my friend. You can just as easily get lost on a path.

When you follow your Northern Star you know where you are going, but you don’t necessarily know how you are going to get there. That’s okay, because you know every move in THAT direction is progress, and that’s what you need to do, make progress, every single day. Big steps. Baby steps.

Who cares? Just keep stepping.

What also becomes clear while following your Northern Star are the things that are definitely NOT on the path. A job offer, a trip, a friendship, a lunch, relationship, whatever. You can see it for what it is, and you can avoid it.

Something else happens as well, you start picking up things along the way that you can use later. You may not be sure how, but you know you will recognize it eventually along your journey.

Lesson #5 — Only Do The Things You Need To Be Better Once You Get There

This is the most amazing lesson.

Learn all the aspects of your Northern Star and you will be amazed at where it can take you.

All I can do is explain my story. I will bullet point it so it’s not too daunting. There was a huge surprise along the way as well. (I will get to that later.)

My Northern Star: Music

1. Learn how to record my music (first on GarageBand, then Ableton Live and Ozone)

New Skill: Producer, Audio Engineer

2. Need to deal with my past so I can move forward with my music (write a book)

New Skill: Author, Editor, E-Book Editor, Audio Book Producer, Distributor, Story-Teller

3. Need to promote myself and the book more, create more online presence, build an audience

New Skill: Social Media Marketer, Content Creator, Blogger, Vlogger, Video Editor, Photographer, Videographer

4. Need a website to promote the book

New Skill: Web Designer, Graphic Artist, Media Creator

5. Need to be on top of my game all the time

New Skill: Nutritionist, Sleep Consultant, Personal Trainer, Chef

6. Expand my reach as an author, writer, blogger, vlogger, designer, creative

New Skill: Social Media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, etc.

That is all from just heading in a direction, the right direction. As things came up, I learned them. I added certain things that would be helpful to fulfill my purpose, I discarded the ones I knew wouldn’t. Now that I know how to do them for myself, I can do them for anybody, and I enjoy doing it.

This lead to my biggest surprise: I love music, but it is the creativity involved in music that I love the most. I love creating. I love making things awesome. As I learned new skills, I realized that I just like creating, period. My Northern Star is creating, having a vision and seeing it through, but I found it through music. I followed my Northern Star until I realized what my Northern Star truly was.

Now my options are wide open. Look at all the skills I gained? That can be applied all over the

world, to anyone!

I went from not knowing what the hell to do to having more options than I know what to do with, all by listening to myself, and following My Northern Star.

Please take a second and be quiet.

Just listen.

What are you saying to yourself?

Listen.

Now follow.

Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the happiness. Never stop pushing. You will get there.