This may be the most important thing you ever read from me.
This may be the defining moment in your life where everything starts to turn around.
Maybe it was good before. Well, it’s going to be GREAT now.
I will be considered a genius.
Or I would have been, if I came up with this on my own.
But I didn’t.
What
I did do is hear virtually the same thing from three different places,
and they are all equally powerful. You can decide which origin works
best for you. If you want to use me, I am okay with that too.
So what is this end-all-be-all pieces of advice?
“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37 (that’s in the Bible by the way. I want to make sure we are all on the same page.)
Not a churchgoer?
How about,
“If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.” — James Altucher (@jaltucher)
Want more flash? More pizazz?
“If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a no” — Derek Sivers (@sivers)
They all work the same, they are all equally powerful. You pick which one sinks in the most.
How It Works
This basically comes down to commitment.
You
are either in or out. The times we find ourselves in trouble are when
we are in the middle. We say “yes”, but there is a lot of “no.” Or we
say “no,” but we leave some room for “yes.”
This
can be applied to anything!!! Jobs, assignments, relationships, tasks,
chores, and most importantly, things that can get your ass in trouble!
How
many times have you been in trouble for something you knew you
shouldn’t be doing in the first place? Let me guess, every time you have
ever been in trouble? EVER? Why don’t we listen to our guts? They let
us know when things are not right. Do we discount them because we can’t
process exactly what the bad feeling is? Everyone else is doing it so I
must be weird or whatever else we tell ourselves. We say yes, but we
mean no.
How
about the times when we say no, because we know it is bad, but we don’t
definitively slam the door? Guess what? 99.9% closed is still .01% open.
Guess what happens with that little itty bitty opening? Soon it’s 5%,
then 12%, then it’s wide the F*** open and you don’t even know what
happened.
I do.
Your
“no” wasn’t “no” enough. You didn’t slam that door. Were you trying to
be nice? Trying to not make the situation worse? Trying not to hurt
feelings? Why did you leave the door open? Now look at you. Idiot.
This
can happen in ALL situations, ALL walks of life: cheating, stealing,
drugs, alcohol, drink driving, violence, etc. I guarantee in EVERY
SINGLE ONE of these situations, there was a no, but too much yes (and by
too much, I mean any), the door flung open, and you found yourself in a
total mess.
Tell me I’m wrong!
That’s what I thought.
I hate being right, but I know I am. Why? Because my “no” wasn’t “no” enough. I realized that too late.
When You Say No To Others, You Say Yes To Yourself
Holy
crap. This is a big time blog today. You are getting all kinds of good
stuff. See what happens when you listen to someone who has messed up and
learned? I’ve been there, and I got out. I do this to show you that you
can too.
When
you focus on what you truly want to do, there are going to be “no’s.”
There have to be, because you need time for your “yes’s.” Don’t worry
about missing out on things. Don’t worry about the money you could have
made, you are happier, there will be other opportunities because you are
focusing on what you REALLY want to do, not what you think you have to
do, not what someone else wants you to do.
When
you learn to: listen to, love, and know yourself, you can do this
easily. That doesn’t mean make drastic decisions. You may need to sit on
an idea for a couple of days to know if it is truly a “hell yes” or
not. One thing you will know, is don’t commit to it when it looks like a
“no.” That will only make you miserable, or worse, get your stupid,
non-listening, ass in trouble.
Can you see how valuable this is?
Think back to every single mistake you have ever made in your life. There was a lot of gray in the decision making wasn’t there?
Now
think to everything that was a “hell yes” or a “hell no” (substitute
the “hell” for “F” if that is what works better for you). You either did
something that you loved, or you avoided a disaster, but you were
better for it. Now apply that to everything in your life.
Some Potential Issues
If
you don’t know yourself well enough, and even when your decisions are
definitive they mess you up, then you need help. Not in a mean way, in
a, ”Please get help” sort of way. Or, if you can look at the things you
really want to do, you are an absolute “hell yes” but all of those
decisions are stupid, like: cheating, hurting, stealing, dealing,
abandoning kids, spouses, not paying bills, etc. then you need help as
well. Just being honest. Like anything else, there are upsides and
downsides. We need to learn about ourselves before we can move forward
in life. Give yourself a chance. Self-reflection is key.
Apply It ASAP
Start
this today. Just for practice, look at your day today. What are you
“hell yes” about and what are you “hell no” about? Hopefully you have
more “yes” than “no.” Don’t get down if it doesn’t look so hot,
realization is the first step. Then audit the shit out of your day.
This
life is a constant evolution. Always be refining yourself, getting
better every day, living smarter, appreciating more, being a better
person, a healthier person. We have something beautiful at our
fingertips. Hold on to it instead of letting it slip away.
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