Kill The Mouse

How many times have you made a situation worse by dragging it out?

You want a certain outcome, you know it is going to happen eventually, but you don’t want to be the bad guy, or the bad girl.

You want to break up with him, but you don’t want to be mean, so you drag it out. You justify it to yourself because you aren’t being really mean (say, a 9 out of 10), you are being less mean (a 5 out of 10), but for a longer period of time. Hoping he gets tired of your consistent “5” and breaks up with you. Whew! Not the bad guy!

Makes sense, right?

You want to say no, but you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and end up making it worse.

You don’t want to do the job, but you don’t want to be mean, so you do it, but you do a s****y job. 

At least you did it, right?

There are so many times in our lives, (and let’s be blunt), because we are pussies, that we make a situation worse by not getting it over with, saying no, saying yes, or walking away.

What the hell does this have to do with a mouse?

Everything.

Kill The Mouse

We had a rat in our attic, garage, basically everywhere he wanted to go.

Why is it called Kill The Mouse if I had a rat? It’s called marketing. If I called it Kill The Rat I couldn’t use Mickey’s recognizable face. Click bait.

But no mouse, a rat.

We had been leaving poising out for him for months. I even bought a shock box. Basically, you put food at one end, and as it goes in the box to get it, ZAP!! Fried mouse, er, rat.

I wanted this thing dead. I could hear it in the attic, it was getting in to the dog food in the garage, and leaving little rat turds all over the place.

Death to the rat!!!

An Opportunity

This is what we want, right? An opportunity to reach our desired outcome. I had been leaving booby-traps for months, hoping to kill this rat in a horrible manner, poison or electrocution, but this would be quicker, faster, and more effective.

I saw him in my driveway in the middle of the day this past weekend.

I could have easily killed it.

He was moving a little slow, and during the day, so you know something was wrong with him.

I had a shovel sitting right there. All I had to do was pick it up and smash that little bastard. 

Bada-boombada-bing. No more rat.

Here is my chance.

What I have been waiting for.

But do I really want to smash a little rat with a shovel in my driveway? Crush his little brain? Squirt blood all over the place?

Eh. Not really.

Trust me, I felt like such a pussy (being blunt, remember?) during this whole thought process.

What did I do instead of smashing it? I chased him across the street.

I am the girl that is mean instead of just breaking up with the dude.

I am the passive aggressive employee that smiles and makes it look they are going to do it, but they 

don’t.

But I justified it, just like we all do.

No more rat? No more problems. And I didn’t have to kill it.

But he came back.

In fact, the little shit walked right by me.

He basically said, “I know you aren’t going to do shit, so let’s stop the charade. I am going to chill over here by the washing machine, and you keep working out.”

How dare he?

In my garage? Right by me?

Son-of-a-bitch.

This means war!!

What Did I Do?

What any red-blooded American would do in a situation where you want one outcome but are too pussy to pull the trigger, I dragged it out.

How?

I got a flashlight, called for my wife and daughter to come look at the rat, and named him Micelangelo.

I still wanted him to die, but I didn’t want to be the bad guy (directly).

How was I “not” the bad guy?

I put peanut butter on poison and watched little Micelangelo eat it. This poison disrupts the rats neurological function. Basically, I am giving this rat fast moving MS.

Reflecting on it as I was doing it, I was willing to torture this poor thing, but not put it out of its misery quickly, and humanely.

This allowed me to not be the bad guy.

You may not be dealing with a rat, but what are you making worse by trying to make yourself feel better, or keep your hands “clean”?

Over the next 48 hours, I would check and see if Micelangelo was still in the garage. My daughter wanted to see him, she thought he was cute. We called him by his name. My wife said I adopted a damn rat. She’s wrong, I wanted to kill him, I was just doing it in a round-a-bout way. Passive aggressive. The pussy way.

I was doing laundry Monday night when Micelangelo came out to say hi. He was headed in the direction of the washing machine. I didn’t want to smash him, but I didn’t want to hang out with him either, so I tried to chase him the other direction. He hid behind a box. I thought if I shifted the box he would move, but he didn’t. I thought it would scare him, but it didn’t.

So I went to bed.

In the morning I came out to get some dog food (and check on Micelangelo). I had my flashlight, I looked around, and found him in the same spot I had left him in the night before.

Oops.

I shifted the box and he didn’t move.

I took a different angle so I could see him clearly.

He was still breathing, still alive, but barely.

I guess when I was moving the box I trapped his head between the corner of the box and the wall.

I basically trapped him for 12 hours by the neck.

Micelangelo’s time of death was roughly 930am, Tuesday, November 22. RIP little buddy.

The “Easy” Way Out

He was going to die. It was a matter of time.

You were going to break up with him, it was a matter of time.

You were going to get out of that job, it was a matter of time.

What we do when we avoid the inevitable is make it worse for the other person involved. This person (or mouse) we are trying to avoid inflicting an intense, singular pain on, we end up dragging the pain out over time, deliberately, tortuously, inhumanely.

To make them feel better?

Or to make us feel better?

We know it’s the latter, if we are honest.

Instead of “biting the bullet,” “pulling the trigger,” or whatever other cliché you want to use, I made it much worse for little Micelangelo.

Instead of smacking him with a shovel and making it quick and painless, I inflicted more pain. Being poisoned, trapped, and being held by the neck overnight, dying slowly and probably painfully.

I made it worse for him, but easier on me (other than feeling bad for the little guy after I realized what I did).

What is your mouse?

What is your rat?

What are you dragging out? Making worse? Treating someone or something inhumanely?

Get it over with.

If you really care about their feelings, make it quick and painless.

Kill the mouse.

Joey

Twitter

Snapchat

iTunes

YouTube

Facebook

The Hardest Thing To Teach

Part of the reason why I write is to force myself to lay out my philosophies on life for my daughter. 

Not to be morbid, but we are all going to die one day. When that is, no one knows. The more I write, the more she will have for later, (if we don’t get the chance to do it while I am still here).

That’s it.

That’s my big secret.

This is all so she has everything in writing. All the advice I want to give her, but might never get the chance.

One Thing

There are certain things I want to teach her, qualities I want her to have. Things I know will allow her to be an awesome adult. Kill it at work, be a great mother, a wonderful wife, and a good human being. Things like: grit, hard work, humility, compassion, insight, reflection, etc. Like any parent, I want my daughter to be amazing.

The thing I want her to learn the most, the one that will allow her to open up all of those other qualities is, I think, the hardest one to accomplish: Not caring what other people think. I mean ZERO regard for what other people think.

Why is this so hard?

Because it is a precarious balance between self-awareness, humility and ego.

She has to be able to not care what people think because she is so self-aware, so observant, so well-thought-out, so intentional, and so sure of herself, that she know exactly what she is doing and why she is doing it, even if it doesn’t necessarily make sense to other people.

Not worry about others’ perception at all.

But it has to come from a place of power not weakness.

Three Types Of Not Caring

1. The Egomaniac

2. The Pre-Emptive Defensive

3. The Rock

The first two are extreme examples. I think most of us fall in to a combination of the two, which usually manifests itself as ego. We shoot ourselves in the foot by acting either too big or too small in a given situation. We are either blindly over-confident or feeble in our abilities, and that eventually bites us in the a**. We either don’t try at all, don’t take the chance when we have the opportunity, don’t speak up when we should, or get in to something we have no business being in and getting b**** slapped. Not literally of course. Well, maybe literally in some cases.

The Egomaniac: You all know people like this. They think they are always right (in a bad way), they can’t handle hearing no, they remove people from their lives that disagree with them, they are narcissistic, probably run through friends regularly, always mad at someone, generally not fun to be around. It’s all about them, all the time.

Being an egomaniac is not synonymous with failing, but how you win is just as important as winning. If you win because you are a prick, and don’t listen to anyone else, you may be successful, but I guarantee you will not be as successful as you could be. These people, generally not self-reflective, not great listeners, which means they are not good collaborators, have a ceiling. They can only go so high because of their ego.

The Pre-Emptive Defensive: The best way I can describe this is the gothic punk rocker in the movie Big Daddy. He walks around in all black, sticking out like a sore thumb, confidence in his stride like he gets it and no one else does, but as soon as Sandler’s character calls him on it, “you’re mad at your father, you’re not mad at me,” his whole façade crumbles in to a pile of tears.

There are people that are confident and really don’t care what you think, and there people that try to push you away at the beginning because they care about what you think so much, they don’t want to have an honest evaluation. This comes in the form of how you dress, like a “gutter” punk for instance, or how you act. The person that always says something inappropriate and then acts like they are too abrasive for the room is doing the same thing as the person with the Mohawk and studded jacket. Push you away so you can’t evaluate them honestly. They don’t want to take the risk of putting themselves out there and being rejected.

Again, a little more difficult to tell that the egomaniac, but if you keep an eye on them you will understand if it comes from confidence or insecurity. One thing that I look at with punk rockers, if you really are an individual and don’t care what people think, why are you dressing exactly like all the other “anti” establishment punk rockers? I want my punks to look like Bad Religion and NOFX. They could be filling your gas tank, building a computer, or teaching at UC Berkeley. You can’t tell because they aren’t wearing a uniform. Or, they have confidence.

The Rock: This is where we all should aspire to be. This is where I want my daughter. This is all about knowing you strengths and weaknesses. You work from your strengths and bring in people to offset your weaknesses. You know exactly who you are. You have a strong moral character, you understand the work involved in success and are willing to do it, you pick a profession that actually fits you not one that sounds good or looks good, and you put yourself in a place of learning and openness to receive the goodness that is coming your way.

Bottom line is you know who you are. This allows you to connect with things that fit you and to pass on things that don’t. You aren’t swayed by the wind or pushed by the ocean because you are a rock. 

You are not going anywhere.

You can listen, evaluate, push away, say no, adjust, learn, respect, and grind. That is a winning combination in any arena.

The Start

It all starts with confidence.

True confidence.

One that is earned through self-reflection, evaluation, discipline, hard work, love, and respect.

One that is earned by taking people and yourself head on, asking the difficult questions, making the difficult sacrifices, and coming out better in the end.

Wouldn’t we all be better because of this?

Shouldn’t we want this for ourselves?

Shouldn’t we want this for our kids?

Then let’s learn it for us so we can give it to them.

It may be the greatest gift you can ever give them: confidence.

Joey

Twitter

Snapchat

iTunes

YouTube

Facebook

What Are You An Example Of?

Whether you like it or not, you are an example to someone.

What exactly are you an example of?

That’s a great question.

You tell me.

Biographies and Autobiographies

James Altucher says, “advice is autobiography.” I totally agree, but it is also biography. I can give advice based on other people’s stories, and I do. When I am answering questions on my podcast/vlog, Just Ask Joey, I only answer things that I know about. The only way I can know about anything is if I have lived it or seen it lived. Do my friends and family know I am talking about them? If they are self-aware enough they know. And to be honest, if they are self-aware I am probably saying good things about them. If they are not self-aware, I am probably saying something negative about them. Not in a gossipy sort of way, just a statement of fact.

So What Kind Of An Example Are You?

To make this easier, let’s look at the major aspects of your life: work, home, and friends.

Work:

What kind of an example are you there? What do people say about you? What would they say if they were asked?

Are you nice or mean? Hardworking or lazy? First to arrive and last to leave, or last to arrive and first to leave?

Be honest.

Are you the best, the worst, or somewhere in between?

If someone were writing the story of your company or your office, what character are you?

Are you the type of person that brings the office up or down? Is the quality of the work better when you are involved? Is the moral higher when you are on a team?

The big question is, when they are training a newbie, are you the example of what to do or what not to do?

Ask yourself that.

And if you are anywhere on that spectrum other than the top, why are you ok with that? Mediocrity, or laziness, sloppiness, never going the extra mile. How have you allowed yourself to be okay with that?

Recognize your example for what it is, and make it better.

Home:

What kind of a spouse are you?

What kind of a parent?

When your kids grow up, are they going to want to be like you, or the opposite of you? Where are you strong? Where are you weak?

If you don’t have kids this is even better. You can think about the type of parent you want to be. Are you going to be the example that your kids emulate? Or the opposite?

Look at your parents. Do you do the same thing as them or totally different? Why? What type of an example are you going to be for your kids?

These are the kinds of questions we need to ask ourselves.

This is an even bigger one to ask yourself: if you think you are a good example as a parent, would your kids and spouse feel the same way if they knew everything that they don’t know? The things you don’t tell them? That they don’t see?

This is a huge question, and one that many people get caught on. If they don’t know it can’t hurt them. That is poisonous thinking.

Everything effects everything, whether it is known or not.

Whatever you are hiding, either knock it off, or tell them so it forces you to knock it off (I suggest this, the truth really can set you free).

Friend:

Do your friends look at you as someone who adds to their life, or takes away?

I am not talking entertainment value, I am talking about real value.

What do you bring to the table?

Do you find yourself with the same friends as you always have, or do you cycle through friendships?

What does it mean to be a good friend?

Are you there for them?

Do you keep track of favors to make sure you don’t do too many without getting some in return?

Can they count on you?

Can you count on them?

Are they good people to have around? Are you good for them? Do you fight? Do you argue?

If they were making a list of the “best” (as in best person) friends, where you on that list?

Purpose

What I am taking the long way to say is, you need to live with purpose.

You need to audit the hell out of yourself to make sure you are actually living the life you think you are. Don’t fool yourself. Don’t ignore the questions because they are too hard to answer. Get in there. 

Clean out the wounds, and be stronger than ever.

Work with purpose.

Be a part of your family with purpose. Be a child with purpose. A spouse or partner with purpose. A parent with purpose.

Be a friend with purpose.

Any time you get in to a situation where you need to question what you are doing you can ask yourself, what example am I setting? Why? Because it is not only about you. Someone, somewhere is watching. They will either use you as an example to, or an example not to.

Choose to live better.

Choose to be better.

An example that we can all follow.

Joey

Twitter

Snapchat

iTunes

YouTube

Facebook

Happy Anniversary

Every day, I think about the day you chose me.

The day you saw through the mess. Sifted through the ashes. Dug down to the core, and chose me.

You knew me before I ever even knew myself.

Our 8 years together have been a rollercoaster. Let’s be honest, I am the rollercoaster, you were just along for the ride. When people got off, you stayed on. You knew. You could see past the turmoil. 

You knew me, even when I didn’t know myself.

Thank you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you from the deepest part of my soul.

I still can’t believe you are the very first and last thing I see every single day.

I recognize it, I appreciate it, and I value it above everything else.

My drive and ambition is to show you every day that you were right. I am worth it. I am not defined by my mistake. I have something amazing inside me that needs to come out, that gets a chance to come out every single day, because of you. That’s why I work as hard as I do, to build my business, myself, and our life. You ask me to take a day off, to take it slow, but you know I can’t. There is too much to do, and you absolutely understand that. You know my dreams, you know they are going to materialize, and you believe in me.

Now I know myself.

I know my strengths.

I know my weaknesses.

 I know my purpose.

But you knew me first, and you are the driving force behind everything I do. You are my power. I spend my days proving you right. Letting you know you made the right decision. Letting the world know you made the right decision. You chose correctly when it would have been so much easier to walk away. I am in awe of your strength and resilience. There is no me without you.

As we enter in to our 9th year of matrimony, know that it is only going to get better. We have big dreams, and every single one of them is going to come true. We are a machine. Running stronger than ever. Nothing can stop us.

Me and you. You and me.

Forever and ever.

Love,

Joey

Instagram

Snapchat

Twitter

iTunes/Soundcloud

YouTube

What Is The Upside To Failure?

Losing sucks.

Winning feels good.

Worse than losing is being a loser, or feeling like it.

I felt like the biggest piece of s*** loser for a long time, and still do on some occasions.

It’s no fun.

The good thing is there is a huge upside to f’ing up.

Clarity.

With every mistake, every failure, is the clarity of what went wrong. To be specific, where YOU went wrong. We don’t blame failure on anyone but ourselves ‘round these parts. If you want to stay, you are going to have to suck it up and dig deep. We are about fixing ourselves here. No excuses.

Failure does not mean an instant clarification on where you went wrong, but it is the beginning of an opportunity for you to find out what went wrong. I hope you use it wisely.

Why did you make that decision?

Start at “ground zero,” then work your way backwards. As soon as you start blaming other people, you need to stop and re-evaluate. Even if you think other people had a hand in your failure, you need to find how you allowed them to have a hand in your failure. i.e. it’s still your failure bucko.

There is a root to everything. You now have the opportunity to find it.

There is a weakness in you, in all of us. We are susceptible to do some pretty stupid stuff. Tony Robbins says that if you don’t plan for what can take you down, you will inevitably be taken down. You need to plan for the worst. In doing that, you will have already played out the “failure” scenario and you will be able to navigate through it without taking a huge dump on yourself.

Isn’t it easier not to make the mistake in the first place? Uh, yeah. But we don’t have that option now, do we?

You didn’t exactly listen to Tony Robbins and navigate your failure did ya?

So we move forward.

Past mistakes will tell you what you need to work on. The fact that you even have past mistakes means there are things you need some work. Would it have been better to have a stronger sense of character, more self-discipline, self-awareness? Uh, yeah. But it is better to get that now then continue to make mistakes over and over again.

With all this new-fangled clarity you can look at your mess honestly. If it’s a big enough failure, everyone you know will be able to look at it with you. Not great, but now you have no place to hide. There are no more excuses, or fibs, or major lies depending on what your failure was. You have is your bare ass out in the wide open, and it’s surprisingly refreshing. Not comfortable, but not as bad as you thought, little chilly, not bad. But now you can deal with it honestly, break free from your shackles of deceit, and live your life out in the open (which feels amazing).

Damn that’s a relief.

Not a great relief, but you are starting to see the upside.

You can rebuild from the ground up, planning for your weaknesses, with a better understanding of who you are, where you want to be, and more importantly, where you don’t want to be, and more importantly than that, where you could possibly be if you are not careful, smarter, and honest.

You think two out of the three pigs built their house with straw and twigs the next time? Hell no, and neither will you. You can be a house of bricks if you work on it. This will take time, but you can use the desire to never want to fail again to succeed this time.

You will be a better version of you than you have ever been, because you are able to cut out the failure and rebuild stronger than ever.

“Failure Isn’t Final.”

Remember that.

Keep pushing.

Joey

My Story Of Failure And How I Came Back Better Than Ever

Snapchat

Twitter

YouTube

iTunes or Soundcloud

Facebook

Instagram

LinkedIn

The Best Piece Of Advice For Anyone, Ever

This may be the most important thing you ever read from me.

This may be the defining moment in your life where everything starts to turn around.

Maybe it was good before. Well, it’s going to be GREAT now.

I will be considered a genius.

Or I would have been, if I came up with this on my own.

But I didn’t.

What I did do is hear virtually the same thing from three different places, and they are all equally powerful. You can decide which origin works best for you. If you want to use me, I am okay with that too.

So what is this end-all-be-all pieces of advice?

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37 (that’s in the Bible by the way. I want to make sure we are all on the same page.)

Not a churchgoer?

How about,

“If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.” — James Altucher (@jaltucher)

Want more flash? More pizazz?

“If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a no” — Derek Sivers (@sivers)

They all work the same, they are all equally powerful. You pick which one sinks in the most.

How It Works

This basically comes down to commitment.

You are either in or out. The times we find ourselves in trouble are when we are in the middle. We say “yes”, but there is a lot of “no.” Or we say “no,” but we leave some room for “yes.”

This can be applied to anything!!! Jobs, assignments, relationships, tasks, chores, and most importantly, things that can get your ass in trouble!

How many times have you been in trouble for something you knew you shouldn’t be doing in the first place? Let me guess, every time you have ever been in trouble? EVER? Why don’t we listen to our guts? They let us know when things are not right. Do we discount them because we can’t process exactly what the bad feeling is? Everyone else is doing it so I must be weird or whatever else we tell ourselves. We say yes, but we mean no.

How about the times when we say no, because we know it is bad, but we don’t definitively slam the door? Guess what? 99.9% closed is still .01% open. Guess what happens with that little itty bitty opening? Soon it’s 5%, then 12%, then it’s wide the F*** open and you don’t even know what happened.

I do.

Your “no” wasn’t “no” enough. You didn’t slam that door. Were you trying to be nice? Trying to not make the situation worse? Trying not to hurt feelings? Why did you leave the door open? Now look at you. Idiot.

This can happen in ALL situations, ALL walks of life: cheating, stealing, drugs, alcohol, drink driving, violence, etc. I guarantee in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these situations, there was a no, but too much yes (and by too much, I mean any), the door flung open, and you found yourself in a total mess.

Tell me I’m wrong!

That’s what I thought.

I hate being right, but I know I am. Why? Because my “no” wasn’t “no” enough. I realized that too late.

When You Say No To Others, You Say Yes To Yourself

Holy crap. This is a big time blog today. You are getting all kinds of good stuff. See what happens when you listen to someone who has messed up and learned? I’ve been there, and I got out. I do this to show you that you can too.

When you focus on what you truly want to do, there are going to be “no’s.” There have to be, because you need time for your “yes’s.” Don’t worry about missing out on things. Don’t worry about the money you could have made, you are happier, there will be other opportunities because you are focusing on what you REALLY want to do, not what you think you have to do, not what someone else wants you to do.

When you learn to: listen to, love, and know yourself, you can do this easily. That doesn’t mean make drastic decisions. You may need to sit on an idea for a couple of days to know if it is truly a “hell yes” or not. One thing you will know, is don’t commit to it when it looks like a “no.” That will only make you miserable, or worse, get your stupid, non-listening, ass in trouble.

Can you see how valuable this is?

Think back to every single mistake you have ever made in your life. There was a lot of gray in the decision making wasn’t there?

Now think to everything that was a “hell yes” or a “hell no” (substitute the “hell” for “F” if that is what works better for you). You either did something that you loved, or you avoided a disaster, but you were better for it. Now apply that to everything in your life.

Some Potential Issues

If you don’t know yourself well enough, and even when your decisions are definitive they mess you up, then you need help. Not in a mean way, in a, ”Please get help” sort of way. Or, if you can look at the things you really want to do, you are an absolute “hell yes” but all of those decisions are stupid, like: cheating, hurting, stealing, dealing, abandoning kids, spouses, not paying bills, etc. then you need help as well. Just being honest. Like anything else, there are upsides and downsides. We need to learn about ourselves before we can move forward in life. Give yourself a chance. Self-reflection is key.

Apply It ASAP

Start this today. Just for practice, look at your day today. What are you “hell yes” about and what are you “hell no” about? Hopefully you have more “yes” than “no.” Don’t get down if it doesn’t look so hot, realization is the first step. Then audit the shit out of your day.

This life is a constant evolution. Always be refining yourself, getting better every day, living smarter, appreciating more, being a better person, a healthier person. We have something beautiful at our fingertips. Hold on to it instead of letting it slip away.

Joey

Snapchat

Twitter

YouTube

iTunes

Instagram

LinkedIn

The Accidental Stoic Pt. 3 - Live A Life Of Character

(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcome Adversity, Live A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there! 

I find the best way to allow yourself permission to be teachable is either acknowledging the desire and need to learn or finding yourself in stories about other people and applying it to your own life.

3. Live A Life Of Character:

• Recognize the power of your gestures.
• Do not compromise.
• Practice: humility, honesty, and awareness.
• Think about your thinking.
• Learn from others’ experiences.
• What do you spend most of your time on? Is it important?
• Be steadfast, strong, in control, and always learning.

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” (Mat. 5:37)

This one was a bitch slap right in my face ………

If Mike Tyson was the one bitch slapping me ……

In 1988.

Not 1988 me, 1988 him.

(Why would Iron Mike bitch slap and 8-year-old?)

Yeah.

Ouch.

We all think we are good people.

If we didn’t we would change, right?

What we fail to recognize is it really doesn’t matter if you are a good person, if you do bad things. Barry Bonds is the greatest hitter of all times, but if he didn’t get a hit what would he be? Exactly, a should-have-been. That’s what we do to ourselves when we don’t live a life of character. We are should-have-beens.

They are great, but.

Without character, you are a “but” head. Just imagine Biff Tannen walking around with you all day:

“What are you doing butthead?”

“You sure you want to do that butthead?”

“Are you thinking about your family butthead?

“Are you thinking about your legacy butthead?

We operate in the shadows. If people don’t see it, it doesn’t count, right? That’s a negative Ghost Rider. It counts even more, because it means you are lacking character. You are a phony. You are a fake. You present one thing, you say one thing, then you turn around and do another. You are like a famous comedian that preaches family values, goes after other comedians publicly, then gives chicks drugs and humps them. Are those family values? We have an emergency Dr. Huxtable!

If no one knows, does it count?

If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?

The answer is: FUCK YES IT DOES!!

You think it is all about you? If YOU didn’t see it? If YOU didn’t hear it? Whether you see it happen or not, the repercussions of a fallen tree will still be there: a shattered trunk, crushed trees around it, years of growth and stability gone, homes of little woodland creatures destroyed. Poor squirrels.

And what do you say? But I didn’t see it. Maybe it didn’t happen.

Go fuck yourself you jerk-off.

I am a good person. Really I am. I care about people. I hate when I hurt people’s feelings. I love my wife. I love my daughters. I love all my friends and family. But if a tree falls in the woods ……..

We spin the shitty situations we put ourselves in so we don’t have to feel bad.

If we held a mirror up to our actions, or if we let other people see the stupid shit we are doing, we would puke. Instead, we tell ourselves it’s not that bad. We don’t tell anyone the bullshit we are doing, and we keep doing it. Better than feeling bad, right? Why bring yourself down? That’s no fun.

Bring yourself down.

Trust me.

There is an unbelievable freedom in living a life of character. No secrets? The feeling of knowing you are doing everything the right way? Not just by your biased standards, but by those around you? Holy shit. It is amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It’s freedom. It’s freedom within the freedom. Like uber freedom!! (not the app).

We all have freedom to do pretty much whatever we want. Most people choose poorly: they eat like shit, work like shit, fill their minds with shit like bad TV, bullshit web searching, porn, treating their bodies bad, and treating their relationships bad. We have all the freedom in the world, and we shackle ourselves with the decisions we make EVERY SINGLE DAY.

There are a lot of losers out there.

You may be one of them.

Are you?

I was.

You may think I am still one, but I don’t care, because I know I’m not. Why? How? Because I live a life of character. I have no secrets, I do everything with integrity, I audit my time and my interactions with people both personally and professionally, and I am grateful for everything I have. I am cool. Joe Cool. Or Joey Cool (don’t want to piss off Snoopy).

You need to audit yourself consistently to make sure you are living a life of character. Check all the time. We are creatures of habit, creatures of conditioning. You can condition yourself right in to and right out of just about anything, good or bad. If you don’t audit, you could be going off in a direction you wouldn’t or shouldn’t. Reflection is key. Evaluate perspectives. Adjust. Tweak. Get better. Be better. Consistently.

If things in your life are not the way you want, or envisioned, audit. Audit everything! Don’t have the marriage you want? Audit yourself. Messed up kids? Audit yourself. Not enough time in the day? Audit.

Not enough money? Audit! Fix you, then you can fix IT.

You may need to really sit down and evaluate who you are. You may not know. I didn’t. My wife was the first relationship that allowed me to be me. The problem was, I didn’t know who I was. I always thought relationships were the ebb and flow of who you are to keep the peace. What if you could be 100% all the time? Holy shit. New concept. Maybe that’s why they say good relationships are easy. You can just be you. That’s seems pretty easy. But what if you don’t know who you are? What if part of you is an asshole? Then you need to fix it. Audit yourself.

Once you audit, you NEVER compromise. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. When you leave a crack in the door, it’s much easier to blow right open. If you close it all the way, it stays shut. That’s where I really messed up. My no’s ended up being maybes because I left the door slightly open. I didn’t slam it shut when I should have, and it became a yes. It slowly opens, a little wider, then a little bit more, then all of a sudden, shit, it’s open, it’s a yes. Damnit. But I’m a good person! Well, not right now you aren’t.

Actions speak louder than words.

How do you live a life of character?              

I’m glad you asked.

Do what is in the best interest of you (the good you, not the selfish dickhead you), do what is best for

your family, do what is best for your friends, your company, your clients, the random person walking down the street. That’s character. That’s integrity. NEVER compromise. You will be better for it. Your loved ones will be better for it. Everything will be better! Your LIFE will be better. You can walk around with your head held high because the sunlight feels so damn good!

Shadows are cold.

Darkness is lonely.

Step out and let the rays of light warm you, energize you, and show you what the world can be, and should be.

I wish I had this knowledge 20 years ago. Instead, I learned it the hard way. You don’t have to have the same regrets I do. You can learn from my mistakes, my experiences. Change is good. Live A Life Of

Character.

Joey

Instagram

Twitter

Facebook

Snapchat: JustOneJoey