30 Days Of Genius Blog: Lewis Howes

I have been listening to Lewis Howes for about a year now on The School Of Greatness Podcast. It was refreshing to hear the questions turned on him. He lays out the framework for achievement in this interview. There is something all of us can learn from him, no matter where you are in your career.

I have taken his interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one they are on.

Please enjoy.

I Want To Do Something Big, But Where Do I Start?

I love this question, because this was me. I always knew I wanted to do something big. When things didn’t go the way I expected in my early 20’s, I was completely thrown off. I had to build everything from scratch, so I know exactly where you are.

Your first step needs to be your vision.

Who are you? What are you passionate about? What do you want out of life? Who is the real you?

I believe that we are all put here for a reason, but you need to figure out what that reason is. Go out, be by yourself, get out in to nature or whatever it is that allows you to clear your head and find yourself.

Once you have that vision, you can start taking action.

Set goals for yourself 3 months out, 6 months out, 12 months out. What do you want to create in that time? Do something that seems scary. Give yourself a challenge. What you will end up doing is backwards mapping towards that goal. You will find mentors that have information you need, build skills that help you reach that goal, and organize your days and weeks to build yourself up towards those goals.

I approach work similarly to how I approach sports. You have a season, a goal, practices, strategies, schedules, and games. People don’t create enough deadlines for themselves. They get so caught up in doing what they do they don’t step back and evaluate their progress, stress their comfort zones, make sure they are building effectively, or building at all.

Next, you create a structure to ensure productivity. It sounds counter-intuitive, but structure creates freedom. Setting your day up for success by having routines, building a team of mentors and accountability partners, and then working your butt off every day. Combine that with your short term goals, and you will be succeeding in no time.

Productivity is all about momentum. It is vital to start your day strong so you can carry that momentum with you all day. Sleep, meditation, gratitude exercises, healthy eating, and game plans in place are essential to my day to help not only start, but keep that momentum up.

How Do I Make Sure I Stay Level-Headed While Building Up?

It all starts with gratitude.

It’s hard to be angry, depressed, or mean when you are grateful. When I get in to a dark funk, I list off all the things I am grateful for and I feel better. This is structured too. I know when I feel down, the structure tells me to focus on gratitude, and it works.

Remember it is all about people.

We were born to connect. Put in the work to build relationships, make connecting a part of your structure, and appreciate those people in your life now and all along your journey.

Live a life of service. I don’t mean volunteer all day every day, but look at what you do and what you are trying to do and ask yourself: how can I help the maximum number of people? How can I have the biggest impact?

You add value for people, then you learn how to monetize it. But it is value first. Develop your skills, make the connections, and create the structure in order to give the most value.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Show them by giving them the most value in every situation.

Quotes

“Money will come when you are ready for it.”

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Lewis Howes Links

Website

Book

Podcast

Toastmasters

Chase Jarvis Links

Website

Creative Live

iTunes Podcast Page

Joey Links

LinkedIn

Twitter

iTunes

YouTube

What Are You An Example Of?

Whether you like it or not, you are an example to someone.

What exactly are you an example of?

That’s a great question.

You tell me.

Biographies and Autobiographies

James Altucher says, “advice is autobiography.” I totally agree, but it is also biography. I can give advice based on other people’s stories, and I do. When I am answering questions on my podcast/vlog, Just Ask Joey, I only answer things that I know about. The only way I can know about anything is if I have lived it or seen it lived. Do my friends and family know I am talking about them? If they are self-aware enough they know. And to be honest, if they are self-aware I am probably saying good things about them. If they are not self-aware, I am probably saying something negative about them. Not in a gossipy sort of way, just a statement of fact.

So What Kind Of An Example Are You?

To make this easier, let’s look at the major aspects of your life: work, home, and friends.

Work:

What kind of an example are you there? What do people say about you? What would they say if they were asked?

Are you nice or mean? Hardworking or lazy? First to arrive and last to leave, or last to arrive and first to leave?

Be honest.

Are you the best, the worst, or somewhere in between?

If someone were writing the story of your company or your office, what character are you?

Are you the type of person that brings the office up or down? Is the quality of the work better when you are involved? Is the moral higher when you are on a team?

The big question is, when they are training a newbie, are you the example of what to do or what not to do?

Ask yourself that.

And if you are anywhere on that spectrum other than the top, why are you ok with that? Mediocrity, or laziness, sloppiness, never going the extra mile. How have you allowed yourself to be okay with that?

Recognize your example for what it is, and make it better.

Home:

What kind of a spouse are you?

What kind of a parent?

When your kids grow up, are they going to want to be like you, or the opposite of you? Where are you strong? Where are you weak?

If you don’t have kids this is even better. You can think about the type of parent you want to be. Are you going to be the example that your kids emulate? Or the opposite?

Look at your parents. Do you do the same thing as them or totally different? Why? What type of an example are you going to be for your kids?

These are the kinds of questions we need to ask ourselves.

This is an even bigger one to ask yourself: if you think you are a good example as a parent, would your kids and spouse feel the same way if they knew everything that they don’t know? The things you don’t tell them? That they don’t see?

This is a huge question, and one that many people get caught on. If they don’t know it can’t hurt them. That is poisonous thinking.

Everything effects everything, whether it is known or not.

Whatever you are hiding, either knock it off, or tell them so it forces you to knock it off (I suggest this, the truth really can set you free).

Friend:

Do your friends look at you as someone who adds to their life, or takes away?

I am not talking entertainment value, I am talking about real value.

What do you bring to the table?

Do you find yourself with the same friends as you always have, or do you cycle through friendships?

What does it mean to be a good friend?

Are you there for them?

Do you keep track of favors to make sure you don’t do too many without getting some in return?

Can they count on you?

Can you count on them?

Are they good people to have around? Are you good for them? Do you fight? Do you argue?

If they were making a list of the “best” (as in best person) friends, where you on that list?

Purpose

What I am taking the long way to say is, you need to live with purpose.

You need to audit the hell out of yourself to make sure you are actually living the life you think you are. Don’t fool yourself. Don’t ignore the questions because they are too hard to answer. Get in there. 

Clean out the wounds, and be stronger than ever.

Work with purpose.

Be a part of your family with purpose. Be a child with purpose. A spouse or partner with purpose. A parent with purpose.

Be a friend with purpose.

Any time you get in to a situation where you need to question what you are doing you can ask yourself, what example am I setting? Why? Because it is not only about you. Someone, somewhere is watching. They will either use you as an example to, or an example not to.

Choose to live better.

Choose to be better.

An example that we can all follow.

Joey

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iTunes

YouTube

Facebook

Blame Yourself, Be Happy

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“There was nothing you could do.”

Let’s throw all of these out the window and replace them with,

“It’s your fault.”

Actually, this needs to come from you so, technically

“It’s my fault.”

Ah.

Doesn’t that feel better?

Of course not, because you are not in the right mindset.

Where you need to be is in the mindset that when ANYTHING goes wrong, EVERYTHING is your 

fault.

Ouch.

Stick with me here people.

This is the only way to completely free yourself from victim mode, from the blame game, from 

everyone else’s fault.

When It’s Your Fault You Are In Control

Don’t like the outcome? Do it different next time.

Don’t like your team? Make them better.

Don’t like following? Great. Lead.

If you are on a team, or in a business, or on a project, and it does not live up to expectations, you are at fault. You could have done something better, something different, been more insightful, or asked better questions, something, anything, but you didn’t

When you take the blame, you take control.

Isn’t that beautiful?

Maybe you are working on a project right now and it’s not going great. Don’t pass the torch, don’t separate yourself from it because it will fall on someone else’s shoulders. This is the time to dig deep and really get in there. It’s trench time baby! This is where they separate the leaders from the losers. 

This is where you make a name for yourself.

Stand out, take charge, and take the blame.

If You Are Unhappy, Blame Yourself Right Now

This might sound cliché, but the first step to winning is admitting that you are losing.

So many people know this.

Very few people do it.

You know them. They are your friends, your family. Drinking, drugs, women, men, gambling, under committing, over committing, lazy, fat, whatever. You know them, you’ve seen them, and you may be one of them.

If you are unhappy, you need to look yourself in the mirror and blame yourself for your unhappiness.

What will this do (besides make you depressed)?

Hopefully it will flip your “on” switch and you will start taking charge.

No one made you drink.

No one made you eat too much.

No one keeps you from working out.

No one made you bet on those games.

No one made you take drugs.

No one made you call her back, or him back, when you knew you shouldn’t.

You did that!!

All by yourself!!

You dug the hole, and you are still holding the shovel.

Fix It

Now that we got the harsh part out of the way, you can start changing your life. Stop taking the easy way out, find your fault in every situation you are unhappy with. Once you admit the mistake you can fix it. If you never admit it, you will always blame someone or something else, and everything will stay exactly the same.

If you are always pointing outward, you will always be a victim. You will be at the disposal of the world around you because you are giving up control on your life.

He was mean to me.

We are poor.

My boss is a d***

If you are saying any of those things, you are saying, “I’m helpless.”

We all know you’re not. We can see your potential. But you are going to have to get out of your own way.

Blame yourself. Take control. Be happy.

Joey

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Facebook

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Brene Brown

This interview has been the most difficult to write. There is so much tangible information I had a difficult time deciding what to leave out. Here is the link to the podcast. I pieced out the information for entrepreneurs specifically, but she has so much wisdom for life in general, you should do yourself a favor and check it out.

I have taken her interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one there are on.

Please enjoy.

How Do I Win?

The most important aspect of winning is making sure that you are not losing. Sabotaging is the easiest way to not only lose, but to feel like a loser.

You need to learn how to sift through your emotions, let go of the thoughts and feelings that are 

holding you back, and push through.

The sooner you push, the sooner you break through, the sooner you win.

Storytelling

This is not the kind of storytelling where you sit around in a circle and no matter what happens, everyone lives happily ever after. This is a conspiracy theory type of storytelling, and you are the main character. The good thing is, you are also the author of this story, and you are the one that chooses the ending.

There are two things that happen when we storytell: we get emotional, and we fill in information that we do not have. After that, we react to the situation where we filled in information as if it were fact, and it’s not.

See how that can work against you?

What was that look? What did they mean by that? Are they being sarcastic? They hate me. I’m not good enough. I suck.

Sound familiar?

It should. We all do it, until we learn not to.

Rising Strong

Remember this: You WILL fail.

Expecting something more positive?

I bet you did.

But I would rather be honest and realistic, because that is what is going to help you. If you are truly putting yourself out there, truly engaging in work and life, you will fail. If you are not failing, you are not trying hard enough.

I want you to have an honest and realistic perspective. You can get that by asking yourself a few tough questions: 1. What am I feeling? 2. What is the story I am telling myself? 3. What facts do I ACTUALLY have? 4. What information do I still need?

Turn directly to your storytelling self, listen to what you have to say, acknowledge the feelings, then look at the situation and the information you REALLY have.

After you ask yourself those questions, ask the people you are dealing with questions. Ask for clarification, maybe even go so far as to let them know you are telling yourself a story based on your interaction and you want clarification.

Show them you have the balls to ask tough questions.

They will have more respect for you because you are showing that you have respect for yourself. You will not allow yourself to storytell, you would rather know the truth. Bravo to you!

Dealing With Discomfort

One thing I found consistently with people that are able to recover faster and rise stronger are the ones that are able to endure discomfort the most.

Will it be uncomfortable clarifying a point with your boss? Probably.

When you don’t get the outcome you want at a business meeting, will it be uncomfortable to go back and possibly get beat up digging deeper in to where you went wrong? Absolutely.

But after those tough discussions, after the discomfort, you will have a crystal clear view of the situation and how to handle it. You will learn about them, you will learn about yourself, and you will be better for it.

Keep reminding yourself that it will be ok. You will get through it. How do I know? Because when you keep pushing through the darkness you eventually get to the light, every time. Think back on other difficult times in your life, other difficult situations. How did you feel at the beginning? Awful, I am sure. Well guess what? You are still here. And you will be after the next one. It will be hard, but you keep pushing. That’s how you win.

Quotes

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

“Unused creativity. Creativity that has been disowned, is not benign. It’s painful, it metastasizes and turns in to dangerous things.”

“When you own the story, you get to write the ending.”

“Your ability to rise should never be predicated on other people.”

Brene Brown Links

Webpage

TedTalk

Author Page

Chase Jarvis Links

Website

Creative Live

iTunes Podcast Page

Joey Links

LinkedIn

Twitter

iTunes

YouTube

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Seth Godin

There is something about listening to Seth Godin that makes you feel like you can do anything. All of his interviews are filled with such vast amounts of wisdom, it is hard to contain it to a single interview.

Once again, the focus of the 30 Days Of Genius Blog is to extract the information that can help you get to where you want to go. I use the interviews with the amazing Chase Jarvis to answer questions that can help you as an individual, a person searching for answers.

I hope you enjoy.

How Do I Deal With Fear?

Believe it or not, we all walk around with a genius inside of us. I think you know that. At least you know it about yourself. You know there is something big inside of you, something special, but it won’t come out.

Why not?

Because you won’t let it out.

And why would I do that?

Because you are scared.

Admit it.

In your mind, it would be better to keep that genius a secret, keep what makes you special and unique to yourself, than risk failing. Because you will fail. I guarantee it. Why? Because that is life. That is what happens when you put yourself out there, when you try something new, something special. You fail.

And that’s where you give up.

You don’t think about all the times you are going to get back on your feet, try again, and keep pushing until you build something special, create something memorable.

You are letting fear stop you when you should be using it as a compass to guide you.

If you are being honest, you know you hover near the middle, right in the eye of the tornado where it is safe, where it is secure. Why would you do something people may react negatively to? That is scary. So you put out the safe content, take the safe pictures, and work the safe job. Tapping in to your genius isn’t even an option for you. That would mean allowing yourself to be uncomfortable, or worse, failing, facing ridicule, and answering questions.

No thank you.

Some of you try to fool yourselves in to thinking you are not hiding. You search for writing hacks, creativity hacks, who uses which pencil, what writer uses the same moleskin, has the same keyboard. Who cares about any of that? That’s their outlet. That’s their process. Why do you want it to be yours? Because that keeps you from having to figure out your own. Figuring myself out? My own recipe for success? No thank you. You don’t even ask yourself the questions: Does their moleskin even work for you? Do you even like that pencil? Or does it make you feel like you are doing something to have a particular item, or a strategy, or a process that you read about? Does that bring you closer to putting yourself out there? Probably not. But you are tricking yourself in to thinking you are doing something.

You’re not.

Be honest with yourself.

Once you figure out that you have a genius inside of you. Once you figure out that you need to find your own process, your own strategies, your own favorite pencil or keyboard, you will need to understand the power of now.

Now?

Yes.

It has never been easier to follow your heart than right now.

You want to be a writer? You are. Now write something and self-publish it, or blog it. Congratulations, you’re a writer. Do you know how hard it was to be a writer when Hemingway was starting out? You don’t even have an excuse for not being a writer today if that’s what you truly want to be.

You want to be a musician? Great. You are a musician. Record your songs and put them online, sell your MP3s, maybe press a record, go for the nostalgia crowd. You can do anything you want. Why? Because now is the moment in history where you can be anything you want, as long as you work past the fear.

If you can see yourself the way you really are. If you can see the world how it really is, not how you want it to be, it is exponentially easier to tap in to your genius.

The truth is you don’t need to be picked anymore. You just need to pick yourself.

How Can I Be More Effective?

The best way to answer this question is with another question: What is it for?

Once you answer that, you can piece through any and everything you are doing.

Does the work you are doing match the goal you are trying to reach?

Here is a tough one, would you hire yourself? Seriously. Would you? Or would you hire someone else because they are better than you? Would the people around you say all the good things about you that you are saying about yourself?

Tough questions, but vital to your effectiveness.

Align yourself. Align your thoughts. Align your work.

Focus on what helps you reach the goal, stop doing the stuff that does not.

Simple.

Not easy.

You need to be honest with yourself. No more hiding.

What is the change you are trying to make? Are you reaching the people you are trying to impact? What are they saying about you? What do you want them to say about you? How do you want them to react? What is your narrative? Would they notice you if you were gone? Why or why not?

You have to answer these difficult questions because you have a goal, remember? The best way to be where you want to be in 5 or 10 years is to do something today. Answering these questions is a great place to start, then you get back to work, pushing hard. Nothing worth doing is ever easy.

How Does The World Work?

In relationship to creating or building something, ideas that spread win. Whatever you are “architecting,” you can build sharing in to it. Focus on making a change. A real change, not a new version of something else. Focus on people leaving your project different than they came to it. Can you make that kind of a change happen? If you can, you really have something. If you can’t, there is still time to figure it out.

After all, now is the best time to work on what gets you to tomorrow.

Quotes

“The secret is there is no secret.”

“Create a life where you bound out of bed in the morning, excited to work.”

Seth Godin Links

Seth himself

The Alt MBA

Chase Jarvis Links

Website

Creative Live

iTunes Podcast Page

Joey Links

Twitter

iTunes

YouTube

LinkedIn

How Do I Become More Creative?

Is there anything more important in business than creativity?

Grit?

Perseverance?

I actually think creativity is limited without grit and perseverance, and I think grit and perseverance are counterproductive without creativity. You know people that are always busy but never getting anything done? That’s a lack of creativity (and self-awareness if we are being honest, and, well, self-aware).

So here is my list of important traits to have in business (I am even ranking them):

1. Self-awareness

2. Creativity

3. Grit/Perseverance

With these three things, I guarantee you will be successful. I also guarantee if you think you have all of these things and you are not successful, you should focus on self-awareness because something is obviously off there.

Let’s focus on #2 today. I will hit the other ones in upcoming blogs.

I am a writer (obviously), but I am also a songwriter (sort of). I am going to reference those two mediums but the strategies can be applied to any and everything. It’s all about ideas, right? Finding ways to have better ideas, more frequently? This can be applied to absolutely ANYTHING: money, writing, video, podcasts, sports, bogs, management, and whatever else I didn’t mention.

Here we go.

This is the key:

Attack From All Angles

This is vital!!!

Don’t wait for inspiration, just do it, and do it often.

I used to wait for inspiration.

No songs, no stories, no nothing unless I was inspired.

Problem?

No inspiration = zero productivity.

Not the best formula, but I was an artist, I needed to be inspired (said like a hippie), until I didn’t.

Isn’t that the way it always is? Impossible until it isn’t? Remember that.

Before I wrote my book: Prison Diary(a) — A San Quentin Comedy, Kinda (on Amazon, iTunes, Audible) I was writing songs. I made a life decision to focus on things that I loved. Things I would be willing to grind at all day every day, learn about, develop my craft, and music and writing were two of those things.

But I was only writing when I was inspired.

You know what that means?

I was not writing very much.

So I decided to write every single day, whether I had an idea or not.

I still noted everything that came up sporadically (my inspired moments), when I was in the shower, when I was cleaning the house, when I was out running. I took down notes for everything, but I forced myself to sit down for 4–5 hours a day and just write something, anything.

It started out easy. I had a handful of ideas, and just focused on those. But then I ran out of ideas. The inspiration was gone. What did I have left? Riffs that went nowhere. Single lines of lyrics. And not much else.

This is where you become creative.

This is how you become creative.

When you are out of ideas, and you need to actually create.

You are stretching your brain.

You are pushing beyond your limits.

It’s painful.

It’s scary.

But it’s how you grow.

And it’s how you get better.

This is the best position to be in.

I was forced to find new ways to write. I forced myself to force myself. Make sense? Strain your brain! That should be the slogan for this article: Strain Your Brian.

I as forced to write songs with music and no lyrics. I was forced to write a songs with lyrics and no music. I had melodies and nothing else. I even had to start songs with nothing. I played a chord, found a note I wanted to start the melody with, and went from there. Completely from scratch.

Know what happened? I started getting more ideas. I had more riffs, more melodies, more lyrics, and when I sat down, because I had practiced “squeezing blood from a rock,” I wasn’t blocking the creative process with anxiety. It took time, but it was awesome.

That is when I really started seeing gains in my abilities. I would start the day with nothing but a G chord, and finish the day with a whole song, great melody, and written about a topic that wasn’t even on my radar.

You know what that feels like?

Like an out-of-body experience. Like magic. It’s fantastic.

It is the same thing with writing. I write about things I know a lot about. I write about things I know nothing about and need to research. I write personal pieces. I write sports. I look at what I need to practice and I start writing about that. I need to work on writing stories based on interviews, so I took on writing a blog for Chase Jarvis’ 30 Days Of Genius series. I was sh***ing my pants yesterday. Why? Because I have never written anything from an interview, and I was doing it for Chase F’ing Jarvis! I was nervous. But I will keep writing, I will get better, and then I will have another way to “attack.”

The more avenues of attack, the easier it is to conquer.

Boo-ya!!

This can be applied to anything. You look for the different angles. You don’t allow for a cookie cutter approach. Any football fans out there? The Patriots are constantly looking at different angles to attack. That’s why they have been successful for so long. You have an idea of what they are going to do, but you aren’t positive. They can attack you from so many different angles.

Entrepreneurs out there? Look at Mark Cuban. He advises cookie companies!! The tech billionaire? Advising cookie companies? WTF? He is able to do that because he looks at all angles of business. He constantly develops his craft by taking on new challenges, and scanning for new opportunities. Because of that, when one of his companies (even if it’s a cookie company) needs a shift in strategy, he can analyze and strategies efficiently and effectively.

That’s what you need to do. Understand all the routes. Know the ins and outs. It will make you more versatile, which will make you more successful. You will have opportunities to make something work that a less creative person will miss, because you have more strategies.

Just Do It

This is not a Nike slogan. I mean it is, but I am not using it like one. Unless they want to sponsor me, then I will use the s*** out of it. Just saying. I love the state of Oregon.

The best way to become more creative is to just do it. It’s practice. The first time you create something or figure something out out of thin air, it will feel like magic. You will have stretched your brain to it’s capacity, and in that moment of “something from nothing” you will truly become creative, an artist in your craft. It is at that moment where everything changes for you, then you just keep going. You have developed a new neural pathway. One that you can come back to later. One you didn’t have before. A new angle. A new strategy. Greater creativity.

Attack from all angles, then all of those avenues become a part of your repertoire, and you become a creative machine. Like James Altucher says, an idea machine. Flex those muscles. Pump that iron. Hans and Franz time for your brain.

Health

I will make this brief, but I have to put it in here. The healthier you are, the better your body works, the better your brain works. The less inflamed, the less crap is running through your system, the more energy you will have, the clearer your thinking, the better your output will be. Are there people who are extremely creative and totally unhealthy? Yes. But imagine what they would be if they actually took care of themselves?

What are they leaving on the table?

What are you leaving on the table?

What could you be?

Think about that.

If you truly care about your craft, your business, your productivity, you will take care of your mind and body, because that is what gets it done. Help you, help you. Does that make sense? Because it seems a little shaky…… and I wrote it. But it’s the most concise way to put it.

Let’s See What You Can Do

Put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Stretch your brain. Create new pathways of problem solving. It will be hard. It will be frustrating at times. And then it will be awesome.

Good luck.

Joey

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YouTube

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

How To Deal With Assholes

Let’s get straight to the point: Just avoid them.

Easy, huh?

Just kidding. You can’t. They are everywhere.

At work. In traffic. At the grocery store. In your family. And probably in your house. You might be one too. Let’s be honest, you are at least sometimes. I know I am.

Strategy Time

I truly believe that you can’t let someone get under your skin unless you let them get under your skin. What I mean is, you can’t get angry unless you let yourself get angry. Not unless you give them the power to control your mood and your happiness.

Did you honestly think I wasn’t going to make this a “you” problem? I am and the King Of Self-Awareness baby! All problems are your problems. It’s time to get on board! Toot toot!

All kidding aside (even though I am not kidding about it being your problemo), there are different strategies based on who you are dealing with. There is: The Stranger Approach to Assholes, and the Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes.

#1 The Stranger Approach To Assholes

Do you really walk out your door and get surprised that you run in to assholes? Seriously? You know you are going to drive next to them. You know they are going to be in front of you at Costco. You know they are going to be on the train or the bus. You should be prepared for this the second you walk out the door each day.

Here is a quote from Marcus Aurelius. This should go through your head every day:

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own — not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”

The truth is, you have no idea what someone else is going through that day. Just like they don’t know what you are going through. We all have bad days. We all have perspectives and points of view. That’s what makes us so interesting. It is also what makes us so irritating. We don’t walk through our days thinking about everyone we come across, we think about ourselves. That is why you are so mad when they cut you off.

How dare they!! Don’t they know you have places to go!?!

It’s not about you.

It’s not about me.

You need to prepare yourself every day to deal with people that do not have the same agenda as you at the same time. Not everyone is late for work. Not everyone takes their job as seriously as you. The world is not here to please you. So when you walk out that door, understand that you are just a piece of the puzzle. Some pieces fit and some don’t, but there is a place for everyone.

So when someone cuts you off. When (one of my favorites) someone at the grocery store is oblivious to the fact that there are other people in the aisles, when your waitress is rude, or when that dummy is playing his completely inappropriate music out loud in a crowded space for everyone to listen to instead of having some headphones (another one of my favorites), you can just say, “Wow. That person has a lot going on today.” And move on.

Simple. Effective.

Now for the hard one.

#2 Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes

This is basically designed for people you work with and family members.

It is really hard, I know.

Lazy, rude, sloppy, stupid, the list goes on and on. You can’t fire them, unless you are the boss, then go ahead. But you can’t fire your family. You can’t ignore them, or “unfriend” them. You are bound by blood, and you are stuck.

So you have to make it work in both instances.

My only suggestion is to flip the script on them, make light of the thing that irritates you the most.

Get to the root of their assholeness. Really get in there.

That sounds weird, even in context.

Better put, use their stuff against them.

If you are a Metallica fan, fight fire with fire.

If they are negative, joke around about their negativity.

If they are rude, make a joke about saying please and thank you.

Tell them it is a pleasure to see them in such a good mood.

Whatever your strategy, don’t let it build up. When it builds up you explode. When it builds up you gossip. You talk about them behind their back, that means you are getting worked up about them even when they are not directly irritating you, then you are an asshole too. Be straight forward with people. If you have to tell them they suck at their job, do it. If they are a family member that does something you don’t like, tell them. Joke with it, or go straight at it, but holding it inside is the worst thing you can do when you are dealing with this type of an asshole. Holding it in ruins your day, your week, your month, your year. On top of that, if you bring it home (assuming the person is not in your home) you are ruining your house too. Look how much power you are giving this person. This asshole.

Seems silly doesn’t it?

The Bottom Line

It all comes down to anticipation. You should be anticipating dealing with assholes. You may not know how, but you can anticipate that something will get you irritated. The anticipation allows you to let it bounce off of you because you were expecting it. Instead of being surprised, you can be prepared.

The same anticipation you use to go out in the world is the same anticipation you can use to deal with the Frequent Interaction Asshole. If you know Betty is going to be a bitch at work, for whatever reason, if that ruins your day, it’s your fault. Work around it. Absorb it, ignore it. Whatever you need to do to block it out. You have the ability to block it, so use it. You know it’s there, so you should never be surprised by it. It’s all about the game plan.

You have more power than you know. It’s time to utilize it.

Stay strong my people.

Joey

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