Just One Joey: self reflection

Showing posts with label self reflection. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Brene Brown

This interview has been the most difficult to write. There is so much tangible information I had a difficult time deciding what to leave out. Here is the link to the podcast. I pieced out the information for entrepreneurs specifically, but she has so much wisdom for life in general, you should do yourself a favor and check it out.

I have taken her interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one there are on.

Please enjoy.

How Do I Win?

The most important aspect of winning is making sure that you are not losing. Sabotaging is the easiest way to not only lose, but to feel like a loser.

You need to learn how to sift through your emotions, let go of the thoughts and feelings that are

holding you back, and push through.

The sooner you push, the sooner you break through, the sooner you win.

Storytelling

This is not the kind of storytelling where you sit around in a circle and no matter what happens, everyone lives happily ever after. This is a conspiracy theory type of storytelling, and you are the main character. The good thing is, you are also the author of this story, and you are the one that chooses the ending.

There are two things that happen when we storytell: we get emotional, and we fill in information that we do not have. After that, we react to the situation where we filled in information as if it were fact, and it’s not.

See how that can work against you?

What was that look? What did they mean by that? Are they being sarcastic? They hate me. I’m not good enough. I suck.

Sound familiar?

It should. We all do it, until we learn not to.

Rising Strong

Remember this: You WILL fail.

Expecting something more positive?

I bet you did.

But I would rather be honest and realistic, because that is what is going to help you. If you are truly putting yourself out there, truly engaging in work and life, you will fail. If you are not failing, you are not trying hard enough.

I want you to have an honest and realistic perspective. You can get that by asking yourself a few tough questions: 1. What am I feeling? 2. What is the story I am telling myself? 3. What facts do I ACTUALLY have? 4. What information do I still need?

Turn directly to your storytelling self, listen to what you have to say, acknowledge the feelings, then look at the situation and the information you REALLY have.

After you ask yourself those questions, ask the people you are dealing with questions. Ask for clarification, maybe even go so far as to let them know you are telling yourself a story based on your interaction and you want clarification.

Show them you have the balls to ask tough questions.

They will have more respect for you because you are showing that you have respect for yourself. You will not allow yourself to storytell, you would rather know the truth. Bravo to you!

Dealing With Discomfort

One thing I found consistently with people that are able to recover faster and rise stronger are the ones that are able to endure discomfort the most.

Will it be uncomfortable clarifying a point with your boss? Probably.

When you don’t get the outcome you want at a business meeting, will it be uncomfortable to go back and possibly get beat up digging deeper in to where you went wrong? Absolutely.

But after those tough discussions, after the discomfort, you will have a crystal clear view of the situation and how to handle it. You will learn about them, you will learn about yourself, and you will be better for it.

Keep reminding yourself that it will be ok. You will get through it. How do I know? Because when you keep pushing through the darkness you eventually get to the light, every time. Think back on other difficult times in your life, other difficult situations. How did you feel at the beginning? Awful, I am sure. Well guess what? You are still here. And you will be after the next one. It will be hard, but you keep pushing. That’s how you win.

Quotes

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt

“Unused creativity. Creativity that has been disowned, is not benign. It’s painful, it metastasizes and turns in to dangerous things.”

“When you own the story, you get to write the ending.”

“Your ability to rise should never be predicated on other people.”

Brene Brown Links

Webpage

TedTalk

Author Page

Chase Jarvis Links

Joey Links

Happy Anniversary

Every day, I think about the day you chose me.

The day you saw through the mess. Sifted through the ashes. Dug down to the core, and chose me.

You knew me before I ever even knew myself.

Our 8 years together have been a rollercoaster. Let’s be honest, I am the rollercoaster, you were just along for the ride. When people got off, you stayed on. You knew. You could see past the turmoil.

You knew me, even when I didn’t know myself.

Thank you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you from the deepest part of my soul.

I still can’t believe you are the very first and last thing I see every single day.

I recognize it, I appreciate it, and I value it above everything else.

My drive and ambition is to show you every day that you were right. I am worth it. I am not defined by my mistake. I have something amazing inside me that needs to come out, that gets a chance to come out every single day, because of you. That’s why I work as hard as I do, to build my business, myself, and our life. You ask me to take a day off, to take it slow, but you know I can’t. There is too much to do, and you absolutely understand that. You know my dreams, you know they are going to materialize, and you believe in me.

Now I know myself.

I know my strengths.

I know my weaknesses.

I know my purpose.

But you knew me first, and you are the driving force behind everything I do. You are my power. I spend my days proving you right. Letting you know you made the right decision. Letting the world know you made the right decision. You chose correctly when it would have been so much easier to walk away. I am in awe of your strength and resilience. There is no me without you.

As we enter in to our 9th year of matrimony, know that it is only going to get better. We have big dreams, and every single one of them is going to come true. We are a machine. Running stronger than ever. Nothing can stop us.

Me and you. You and me.

Forever and ever.

Love,

Joey

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

The Scriptures Of My Journey

Those of you that follow me know I have had some serious ups and downs.

In reality, it was one major, multiple year “down,” and it has been a steady climb ever since.

So, to be more accurate, I have had my up and down, or my down and up.

Doesn’t exactly have the same ring to it, but it is more representative of the situation.

I have been getting a lot of questions about my favorite Bible verses, or the ones that helped pull me through the toughest times. They are hoping the ones that helped me can help them too.

For a more holistic view of the situation, I thought my answer would be better suited if I covered all of the important Bible verses from my experience.

If you would like to read all the juicy details, please read my book: Prison Diary(a) — A San Quentin Comedy, Kinda

The Beginning

I was not raised a Christian. We went to church a few times. If I had to call myself anything it would be Christian, but even that was a stretch. I was a nothing. I always believed in God, but couldn’t get in to the whole “church” thing.

Fast forward 25 years and my life is falling apart.

I am a cheater.

I am on the verge of destroying my family.

Losing an amazing wife.

Breaking up the family of my amazing little girl.

All by myself.

I was an idiot.

(More on that here: Secrets Will Ruin Your Life)

No one knew my secrets. I wasn’t exactly broadcasting them. I knew I was a piece of shit, so I just

tried to bury it, never really dealing with it, allowing it to slowly unravel my heart, my mind, and my sanity.

I didn’t know what to do.

So I prayed.

And prayed.

To who? God? Allah? Santa Claus?

I didn’t care, to anyone who could help, or who would listen.

What happened? He answered. Loud and clear.

I admitted my affair.

And Shit got REAL after that.

I had no idea why I was cheating. I wasn’t bored. I wasn’t unhappy. She is smart and beautiful. A wonderful wife and mother. Basically, she was so amazing, I knew it was me. I couldn’t pin it on her.

Even if I wanted to I couldn’t blame her for my indiscretions. It was all me.

But I didn’t know what it was. What the fuck was wrong with me.

That was actually the first thing I said to my therapist.

Him — “Why are you here?”

Me — “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

See? Just like I said.

Anyways.

Along with therapy, I also started going to church. He got me out of my own way, and cleaned my closet (mostly), maybe I should give this whole “church” thing a shot.

I started attending every Sunday, the church had a new fireball for a Pastor, and I was locked in.

I was even baptized on Easter Sunday, 2011.

Then my world blew up. One month to the day of getting baptized.

I thought things were supposed to get better after finding God?

James 1:2–4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

It sounds weird, but when I was arrested, I knew what it was. I was being cleansed. He was completely clearing out my closet so I could rebuild my life with a solid foundation. My indiscretions had finally caught up to me, and BOOM goes the dynamite.

I deserved it.

I messed up.

And I rested on James 1 all the way through the trial, the media coverage, the embarrassment, the humiliation, the job loss, the creditors (hard to pay bills without a job), and ultimately prison.

I KNEW He was making me stronger. I KNEW I had to go through this.

I was completely broken on the inside, but I knew deep down, I would be stronger in the end.

To be honest, I thought this would be the only scripture I would rest on until I was in San Quentin,

looking for the lesson in my sentence, when I read:

Deuteronomy 8:1–5

1 Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

I knew this was it.

I was in the desert, but I could see the Promise Land, 9/21/14. I actually had a little San Quentin calendar that I would mark each day off, so the end date seemed like a lifetime, but at least I could see it.

It was over for me. The trials and tribulations were over as soon as I walked out of prison.

He had been protecting me at San Quentin, with chaos all around me.

He was there with me.

I was going to take everything I had learned, everything I had gone through, and use it to thrive in my new life. Nothing would be as it was, because I was not who I was.

F*** the old me.

I hate him.

More Insight

I had been in therapy for almost two years at this point, so I knew what my deal was. I had ADHD, and I was not channeling it. I was living with no intentionality. My life was like a boat in the ocean, going wherever the waves wanted.

I had a good paying job, a wonderful wife, and a beautiful baby girl. My checklist was complete.

Because I never looked at ways that it could all go away, I never planned for it. Why would I jeopardize all this? That would be crazy. But that is exactly what I did.

I can’t find the Tony Robbins quote, or I would put it right here, but it is something to the effect of, the thing you never think will take you down is the one that actually will. Basically, you need to plan out your own failures. Recognize where you could possibly lose, and plan for it so it doesn’t happen.

I was a cheater.

That was where I could be taken down.

What did I do instead? Told myself excuses.

I am not looking for it. No one will find out, no one is getting hurt. It will never happen again (and again).

I was an idiot. That’s clear, right?

I had no intentionality in my life. I did not have a clear identity.

That all punched me in the face one day in San Quentin when I read:

Matthew 5:37

37 Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no. Anything more than this comes from the evil one.

That’s how I would get pulled in to f***ed situations. I knew they were bad, or could lead to something bad, but I didn’t slam the door.

When you leave a little crack, say no, but with a hint of yes, the door eventually flies open.

In my new life, when it’s a no, it will be a f***no.

When it is a yes, it will be a f*** yes.

(Article: The Best Piece Of Advice For Anyone, Anywhere)

That’s it. No in-between, no questions. F*** yes or f*** no.

I have a clean identity, I am living with intention and purpose, so I will no longer be tossed around by the waves, pushed with the wind.

I am a mother f***ing rock.

My New Life

The scripture I focus on most now is called The Parable Of Gold Coins. It is what I think about when I am tired, or scared of failure.

We all have gifts, and we can all either use them or deny them.

Everything we need is available to us, but we need to work.

Sitting around waiting for God to do something He has already equipped us to do is ridiculous. He works where we can’t.

Is He able to do it all? Absolutely.

But we gain more by doing it ourselves, with the gifts He has given us.

Read this next time you are praying for Him to move, and ask: what else can I do?

Stop waiting for miracles and pay attention to all the miracles He has surrounded you with.

You have things to do.

Stop talking about it and get to it.

Matthew 25:14–30

The Parable of the Bags of Gold

14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags.

29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Mark Cuban

Who doesn’t want to get advice from Mark Cuban? This blog is designed to answer common questions with the spirit of Mark Cuban, using answers given to Chase Jarvis during his 30 Days Of Genius series. I went through the interview, pulled out the nuggets, and am serving them on a silver platter for you. Cutting out the stuff you don’t need (because it takes up time, and you will read the time is THE most valuable commodity), and I am handing you the gems.

Look for a blog for all 30 Days of Genius episodes as they are being released on iTunes.

Enjoy!

What should I do for a living?

Make sure it is something you love to do, and something you are actually good at. You can love basketball, but if you are short or can’t shoot, it’s time to find a new sport.

The best place to start looking is where you are already spending your time. What do you spend most of your time on? What “itch” do you need to scratch? What do you enjoy learning about? A very important thing to understand is that you need to LOVE learning. The worst situation to be in is when you are in a meeting and someone knows more about your industry and your company than you do. If that happens, you lose, or you will soon. Business is cutthroat. Everyone is out to kick your ass. If you don’t love learning about a particular industry, that is a sure fire way to know it is not the industry for you. Business is the ultimate sport. It is 24–7, 365, and extremely competitive. There is no off-season. You have to be driven in whatever you choose to do, or you will lose. A lack of drive in your particular industry is a red flag. Be self-aware enough to recognize that. Don’t fall in love with someone else’s story, write you own. You may not be Michael Jordan, but you could be Magic Johnson.

Please don’t try to be the next Mark Cuban, or the next Zucks, you need to be the next you. YOU are already spending time on things YOU enjoy. YOU know what you are good at. YOU know what you suck at. YOU know how you think, and YOU know how you work. Focus on what you are good at and then team up with people who compliment your strengths with their strengths. Again, be self-aware enough to recognize that.

Everyone talks about passion. Don’t follow your passion, follow your effort. Get out there and do things, work hard. There are things you may be great at that you don’t even know about because you haven’t tried yet. Get your hardhat on and start grinding. I didn’t love computers until I started coding, and that is the foundation of everything I have done. What if I hadn’t sat down to figure that out? What are you missing out on?

As you learn, and continue to learn, you will start to see combinations of things, new ways of doing things, and that’s when you know you have something good. You will combine everything you are learning and crunch it together with everything you already know to make something new or better. I am always looking for what I already do, and how I can combine that with businesses I bring in to create something bigger or better.

All of this learning and hard work is molding you and helping you discover what you are wired to do, and that’s the goal isn’t it? Putting yourself in the best position to win? That’s what I thought. After you figure out what you are wired to do, you can stop lying to yourself about whatever story you have been tell yourself, and that’s when you can really sell yourself. You will know what you are good at, and you will know what you can sell. You were wired to do A, B or C, and you can get paid to do it.

Being in this position will help you be successful because: you are already drawn to it, you are busting your ass, and those things are vital to success because you have to be able to work tired. You have to be able to go the extra mile in meetings, in learning, in preparing, and in delivering. Being wired for it means all of those things are just a little bit easier for you than the person who isn’t.

Necessary Traits

Remember this formula: Learning + Hustle/Grinding/Hardwork = Success.

Because you work hard, you will out work the competition. Because you are learning, you will out create the competition. That’s what it is all about. Either you want to win, or you don’t. If you’re napping, I am going to kick your ass. And everyone else out there is looking for a way to kick your ass. Always remember that. Always be working. Always be grinding. Because when you aren’t, someone else is.

With all the learning, and all the grinding, you will be more prepared, and preparation is what allows you to mitigate your risk. Being an entrepreneur (a successful one) is not about taking risks. It’s about going all in and working your ass off. It is about having goals, then putting things that help you reach those goals on the top of your list, and discarding the rest. Self-awareness, once again, is key. Time is the one thing you can never own. Make sure you are spending your time on things that matter: your family, your business, your knowledge, your health. All the other stuff is taking away time from your goals. You can never get back yesterday. You can’t re-do right now. Make the difference while you can right now.

Money and Small Businesses

Avoid raising money at all costs. I know it sounds crazy, but if you are taking money you are already failing because you aren’t able to do it on your own. Live like a student. Work lean. Stay Hungry, Stay Smart. You don’t need to be a $100 millionaire, you need to reach your goals.

You focus should be, in this order: sweat equity, customer equity, Kickstarter (some other fundraiser) equity, then venture capital money. People walk away from great businesses all the time with very little because of the fundraising. It is better to work lean, live lean, and build slow, then take on money, take on people you need to listen to, and lose your company.

Remember, venture capital money = failure.

I know what you are going to ask, how do I know when I am on the something? When I first started streaming, I got a call from the Aleutian Islands. When people are calling from a place you can’t even find on a map, that’s when you know you have something.

Fun Facts About Mark Cuban

Mark owns a lifetime pass on American Airlines at the cost of $250,000. You can’t buy them anymore.

He is a dad first.

His best friends are the same ones he had in college.

He is a bad piano player,

a bad singer,

and he is horrified of heights.

Quote

“Out work. Out last. Out hustle.”

Mark Cuban Links

Alyssa’s Healthy Cookies

Cyberdust

AXSTV

Dallas Mavericks

Chase Jarvis Links

Joey Links

Monday, July 4, 2016

What Is The Upside To Failure?

Losing sucks.

Winning feels good.

Worse than losing is being a loser, or feeling like it.

I felt like the biggest piece of s*** loser for a long time, and still do on some occasions.

It’s no fun.

The good thing is there is a huge upside to f’ing up.

Clarity.

With every mistake, every failure, is the clarity of what went wrong. To be specific, where YOU went wrong. We don’t blame failure on anyone but ourselves ‘round these parts. If you want to stay, you are going to have to suck it up and dig deep. We are about fixing ourselves here. No excuses.

Failure does not mean an instant clarification on where you went wrong, but it is the beginning of an opportunity for you to find out what went wrong. I hope you use it wisely.

Why did you make that decision?

Start at “ground zero,” then work your way backwards. As soon as you start blaming other people, you need to stop and re-evaluate. Even if you think other people had a hand in your failure, you need to find how you allowed them to have a hand in your failure. i.e. it’s still your failure bucko.

There is a root to everything. You now have the opportunity to find it.

There is a weakness in you, in all of us. We are susceptible to do some pretty stupid stuff. Tony Robbins says that if you don’t plan for what can take you down, you will inevitably be taken down. You need to plan for the worst. In doing that, you will have already played out the “failure” scenario and you will be able to navigate through it without taking a huge dump on yourself.

Isn’t it easier not to make the mistake in the first place? Uh, yeah. But we don’t have that option now, do we?

You didn’t exactly listen to Tony Robbins and navigate your failure did ya?

So we move forward.

Past mistakes will tell you what you need to work on. The fact that you even have past mistakes means there are things you need some work. Would it have been better to have a stronger sense of character, more self-discipline, self-awareness? Uh, yeah. But it is better to get that now then continue to make mistakes over and over again.

With all this new-fangled clarity you can look at your mess honestly. If it’s a big enough failure, everyone you know will be able to look at it with you. Not great, but now you have no place to hide. There are no more excuses, or fibs, or major lies depending on what your failure was. You have is your bare ass out in the wide open, and it’s surprisingly refreshing. Not comfortable, but not as bad as you thought, little chilly, not bad. But now you can deal with it honestly, break free from your shackles of deceit, and live your life out in the open (which feels amazing).

Damn that’s a relief.

Not a great relief, but you are starting to see the upside.

You can rebuild from the ground up, planning for your weaknesses, with a better understanding of who you are, where you want to be, and more importantly, where you don’t want to be, and more importantly than that, where you could possibly be if you are not careful, smarter, and honest.

You think two out of the three pigs built their house with straw and twigs the next time? Hell no, and neither will you. You can be a house of bricks if you work on it. This will take time, but you can use the desire to never want to fail again to succeed this time.

You will be a better version of you than you have ever been, because you are able to cut out the failure and rebuild stronger than ever.

“Failure Isn’t Final.”

Remember that.

Keep pushing.

Joey

My Story Of Failure And How I Came Back Better Than Ever

iTunes or Soundcloud