We Only See What We Want To

My daughter is 7.

Like thousands of other children all over the world, we have an Elf On The Shelf.

Our elf’s name is Osmond.

Every morning from December 1st until December 24th, Osmond picks a new spot around our house to watch my daughter and take notes back to Santa. You know, so he knows if she is naughty or nice.

My daughter loves Osmond.

This is a good place to point out that my daughter is a bright, 7 year old. She picks up all of the concepts in school very easily, reads voraciously, and is learning how to use all the equipment I use to create media for my clients.

She’s a sharp cookie.

But for the last couple of years, I keep expecting her to notice that this little plastic doll, that never moves, that has a tag sticking out from her butt, is just a toy, and not a real elf.

Why doesn’t she see it?

Because she doesn’t want to.

She wants that elf to be real so badly, she completely bypasses all common sense, quality questioning, and well, reality.

She has convinced herself that it is a real elf, no matter what she sees or thinks.

But, she is just a kid, right?

Then why do we do the same thing? (hopefully not with an elf).

So Simple, So Scary

Is it reality? Or what we think is reality?

What is reality?

Is it the actual story being told, or the story we tell?

Are you happy? Or should you be happy?

Have you ever met someone who is positive? Do they say negative things? Do negative people say positive things?

We have so much power. We can create the world around us.

Your World

What we need to realize is we can control the world around us by the thoughts in our head. I am not talking Inception type stuff. We aren’t going to be in the next X-Men. I mean how we see the world. If we think positive, if we train our brain to be positive, things will somehow always have a silver lining. If we take mental dumps on everything, guess what? Things will be sh***y (yes, the pun was very much intended).

It sounds a little foo foo hippy dippy, and it is, but wouldn’t you rather see a solution than a problem?

You can either see a wall or a door.

What sounds better to you?

What you are facing very well may be a wall, but you know what? If you see a door, I guarantee you will find a way over it, under it, or through it. Knowing that a situation can be managed, no matter how difficult, is a very powerful mindset to have. It separates the weak form the strong. The fighters from the flighters (not a real word, obviously, but it gets my point across).

What Do You Want To See?

It sounds so simple, but if you are honest with yourself, you will answer this question: what do you want to see?

When you get up in the morning, what do you want to see? What do you expect?

When you talk to your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, what do you see? What do you expect?

Work? Traffic? The store? Christmas? Hanukah? New Year’s? What do you see? What do you expect?

Choose Wisely

Like Indiana Jones at the end of The Last Crusade, you must choose wisely, or before you know it, you are dust and bones and everything is gone.

You control your world because you only see what you want to. If you see s***, you want to. If you see sadness, you want to. If you see happiness, you want to.

Am I saying nothing will happen to you? That you will be walking around with a force field protecting you from your daily life? Not at all. But with the right perspective, mindset, preparation, and outlook, big bumps become small, down days are minimized, and sadness can be cut short. Build the life around you that allows you to see what you want to see. Cut out the negative (things and people). Focus on the positive. Tell yourself wonderful things about, well, yourself. Think that you will do amazing things.

You will be happier. I promise.

Look at that goofy little elf, looking sideways all day every day, with a tag sticking out of her butt, saying nothing……..

What do you want to see?

Joey

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Lyrics & Your Brain

The psychological implication of words is enormous.

Words we hear in the morning can subconsciously guide our behavior throughout the rest of the day.

Happy song = good mood.

Sad song = bad mood.

Songs about anger, cheating, drinking, or drugs can take us somewhere we weren’t aware of, and probably don’t want to go.

Science & Stuff

Did you know that if you just looked at a list of negative words, it can dramatically affect your blood pressure and mood? It can increase anxiety, deepen depression, and release stress hormones in to not only your brain, but to the person speaking the words as well?

50% of you are saying, “oh wow.”

The other 50% are saying, “bulls***!”

Your brain can’t “not” think of something. When you are discussing things like: poverty, sadness, death, illness, they all cause our brains to react in a negative way. Just think about when you see a sad movie. Nothing happened to you, but you don’t feel great afterwards do you? No one walked out of Schindler’s List skipping and smiling (I hope).

Why does that happen? Because what we ingest with our eyes, and ears, the things we let come out of our mouths, have a huge impact on us.

If you are about to take a test, or have a big interview, you will do worse if you tell yourself to not fail, don’t screw it up, don’t be an idiot. Why? Because how does your brain interpret not failing? Not screwing up? Not being an idiot? It doesn’t! It locks in on: failing, screwing up, and idiocy. Guess what? You just f***ed up that meeting or test!

Now that we have some background, let’s get to the point.

Music

It’s important to know what you are taking in. From food to music. Good in, good out.

I absolutely believe we can change the outcomes of our days by what we take in. I am going to focus on music because it is such a huge part of our lives.

Can what we listen to truly affect us?

If so, what are we listening to? What is our music setting us up for?

Let’s find out.

I am going to look up the top 5 songs on iTunes for today (9/19/16) and I am going to pull out the “power” words from the lyrics. Let’s see how they will be guiding our brains after listening to them.

Disclaimer: This is no reflection on the lyrics themselves. Most of these have beautiful words and wording. This is just about thoughts and reactions.

5. I Hate You, I Love You by gnash. This song is about cheating. When you listen to it, you are going to be put in to a cycle of thoughts about people you shouldn’t have messed around with and did, people you shouldn’t be messing around with and are, or people you haven’t messed around with but want to. How do you think that’s is going to go for you? Starting the day thinking about cheating? Or, thinking about being cheated on? All the pain that comes from that. Hell, that can get you worked up whether or not you have ever been cheated on. There is nothing beautiful about cheating. It’s ugly. Done in the dark, on the low, out of the light, ugliness.

You take what you hear, and what you see, and your body and mind react. Is this what you want to react to? Cheating? Destroying trust? Breaking hearts? Turmoil? Pain?

4. Gold by Kiiara. Full disclaimer, I had to look these lyrics up. I had no idea what the hell she was saying. And even “fuller” disclaimer, I read the lyrics and I still don’t really know what the hell she is talking about. Anyhoo, I have the general idea, I think. She is going out with an a**hole. What does that do for you? Makes you think about all the a**holes you went out with. It might get you angry all over again. You might look at your current relationship and think they are an a**hole! Maybe they would tell you if the “roof was burning,” but maybe they didn’t tell you something else. Now you are mad. Gold teeth? Tasting like money? I don’t know, but it sounds tacky and ugly, so now you are thinking about tacky ugly stuff. Let’s not skip the fact that she humped the dudes’ brother. He was a “good replacement for you.” Now you are listening to a cheater, in a bad relationship, and she can’t let him go. Have a good day!!

We have only done two songs, and both are talking about being in s*** relationships and sticking with them. Empowering? Uplifting? Me thinks no.

3. My Way, by Calvin Harris. “You were the one thing in my way.” This sounds empowering. He uses the word “were,” as in, not any more. But, he says that he made his move, it was all about the other person, and now he is far removed from everything. That’s no bueno. We are now 3 for 3 on love being stupid. Loving the wrong person, love not working out, etc. Is there any wonder why the divorce rate is so high? The first 3 songs are about s*** relationships. 2 of them involving cheating. Yikes!!

These are all seeds being planted in our brains. Whether you know it or not, these are affecting your relationships. They are digging up old, painful memories. Honestly, there are no good memories or imagery that can come from any of these songs. Calvin’s is close, but he is basically saying following his heart F’ed him over.

What are we doing to ourselves?

2. Heathens, by twenty one pilots. I just imagine someone listening to this on the subway, on the way to work in the morning. “You’ll never know the freakshow/psycholpath/murderer next to you.” What a great way to say good morning!! Paranoia! Being wary of groups that you don’t belong to. With all the attacks by groups around the world, this isn’t exactly reassuring. This song creates feelings of tension, anxiety and fear. I am sure it would be great with your buddies on Friday, but this is a F everyone else kind of song when you are by yourself. Everyone is the enemy. Everyone is suspicious. I am dangerous. I am not to be f’ed with. And all of this, with your morning coffee. Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.

1. Closer, by The Chainsmokers. You don’t need the girl. She spends more than she makes, which means she is superficial and focused on her image. She is a thief, she is an ex, but they still bang. Again, bad relationship. People being used. People taking themselves too lightly, lacking values. People living with a general disrespect of themselves, and you are taking it all in. Their words, their thoughts, become your thoughts, potentially your words, and your actions.

Each time your hear something bad, you become more and more immune to it. It can be drinking, cheating, drugs, anything. You hear it and become desensitized to it. If you are desensitized hearing it, you are desensitized seeing it, then thinking it, then sooner or later you are doing it. You are what you consume, who you are around, the things you take in through your eyes and ears. Think about that. It’s time to listen with more of a purpose.

What Does This All Mean?

I don’t think that any of you reading this are like any of the people in these songs. That being said, these songs inject the thought process of these people, who are not like you, in to your head. That’s where I see the issue arising.

The scariest part is it’s cyclical.

If you are sad and you listen to Counting Crows (circa 1994), there is no way you will feel better. Again, amazing lyrics, beautiful songs, but you are not coming out of that funk with Mr. Duritz and company. Hell, even if you aren’t sad, CC is bringing you down. You feed your brain what it eventually produces. It hears and sees sad, it produces sad. Make sense?

Example:

I am white as f***. But when I was riding around in 1998 listening to DMX, you would have thought I was a damn Ruff Rider. Saying crazy s***. Doing crazy s***. I was an idiot. Talking tougher than I was. Repping my “hood” like I wasn’t from the damn suburbs in Silicon Valley. It was ridiculous looking back on it. Just to be clear, I was not one of those white boys that dropped the N word because I listened to DMX, Busta Rhymes or Andre Nickatina. Always hated those idiots that did that. But I was still an idiot. The words came in, they looked around, made themselves and home, and settled down.

Music Has So Much Power

What we take in through our eyes and ears has so much influence over us.

It’s a vicious cycle if we allow it.

We take it in, we think about it, and before we know it, it is coming out of our mouths, it is seeping through our actions. We are it and it is us.

Think about your music. Rap, country, pop, whatever. What are they talking about? What are they putting in your brain? What are you allowing to put in your brain? Drugs? Drug dealing? Drinking? Cheating? Good relationships? Bad relationships? Violence? Fear?

You are what you eat.

You are what you watch.

You are what you listen to.

It’s time to do all of those things with purpose. So we can become who we want.

Joey

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Porn

this article contains graphic language

It is ironic that Pamela Anderson is launching a new campaign against porn.

She was my “gateway drug” to the media genre, even before the sex tape.

If it weren’t for her no one would have ever given a s*** about Paris Hilton, and Kim Kardashian would just be some chick in LA.

Thanks Pam!

Even though her fame trajectory took off the less and less clothes she wore, she might be the perfect spokesperson for this movement. She knows porn from the inside out (no pun intended, well, maybe a little).

My General Thoughts On Porn

I don’t even understand how porn exists. Honestly. I mean, I get why people watch it and look at it, hot women, naked, fulfilling fantasies, blah blah blah, etc. I just don’t understand how in the world you can talk a woman in to doing any of that stuff on camera in the first place.

Half the stuff they do in porn you can’t talk the woman in to doing in private, let alone for the entire “interwebs” to see.

I know the money is good (at least I hope), but holy s***. You are taking the most intimate thing you can do with another person (or two depending on the style of porn you are in to), and putting a camera right up in there, in the middle of all the action, and then putting it all over the web.

To me, that’s crazy!

It’s insane!

Just understanding the mindset of the girls the first time they do it would be fascinating.

Obviously after the first time, they keep doing it because that way they can tell themselves that it’s not that bad, so they don’t s*** on themselves for their poor choices in life. But that first time? You know that never goes away, right? Google is forever ladies.

I don’t get it.

Sucking d*** on camera?

Sucking two or three d***s at the same time on camera?

WTF are you thinking?

Even for the dudes.

What does your resume look like after being in porn? Craziness.

Even if you get paid, there is no honor in being a whore.

The same way there is no honor in being a drug dealer.

How you make your money is more important than how much money you make.

Use your brains and the gifts God gave you, not just the holes. (too graphic? Sorry).

The Serious Side Effects Of Porn

This may sound crazy.

You may be thinking,

“What’s wrong with looking at some titties every once in a while?”

“It’s safe, it’s better than cheating.”

“I still come home to my wife (or insert whatever your living situation is here)”

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

It is not safe, at all.

You think it’s just effecting you and your box of tissues, but it is actually re-wiring your brain.

Now there is good rewiring and bad rewiring.

How do you decipher between good and bad rewiring? Well, when the thing that is rewiring your brain is naked, or humping, or seems physically impossible while naked and or humping, on top of the fact that you don’t want people to know you are watching it, it’s bad rewiring.

Are we all on the same page?

Good.

Let’s get to the meat and potatoes.

Science Time

Porn releases dopamine, and endorphins in to your brain. Your brain then connects those happy, dopamine, chemicals to porn. Essentially creating a pathway in your brain called “porn makes you happy.” It also releases norepinephrine, which enhances your focus. Now you are telling your brain to pay attention, that what you are doing is important. Porn has now been engrained in your brain as an important, happy making device.

Let’s dig a little deeper.

When you ejaculate, oxytocin and serotonin are released. What you just watched and did made you feel calm, relaxed, and happy. You basically just did heroin by watching porn and jacking off.

Seriously, make this connection: Watching porn does similar things to your system that heroin does.

Well, it’s better than heroin, right?

Please stop trying to talk your way in to more porn!

It’s bad. It’s all bad. Drugs and porn. Porn and drugs.

Relationships

Instead of experiencing all of those wonderful chemical releases with your spouse or significant other, you are experiencing them with Big Titty Tina, or Little Anal Annie, or whatever person you are “viewing” that day.

This is also what happens with cheating. You are putting yourself in to a situation when you are releasing a rush of high potent, mood shifting, focus driving, chemicals in to your system with someone other than the person you should be releasing them with. That, combined with the chemicals released from doing “something bad”, creates a chemical hormone bomb. You are basically training yourself to be a piece of s***. Nice work.

Once these chemicals get locked in (neural pathways created) to a person, event or place other than your spouse or significant other, the pathways are set. You have just created a paved road to straight to Not Good Town in your brain. This is something VERY difficult to undo.

Your Brain On Drugs, Any Questions?

A more comfortable example of the way pathways can be created in the brain is with sugar. The way your brain connects energy and alertness with sugar, which means when you are tired you have cravings for s*** food, because your brain knows it gives you quick energy, you are connecting a physical and mental high with porn. When you want to feel better, when you want to relax, when you want to feel the dopamine levels spike, you turn to porn. You turn to millions and millions of pages, photos, and videos of porn, all right at your fingertips. Thousands of different women doing thousands of different things. When you get tired of one there is another one right around the corner to keep those dopamine levels high. It is quicksand, and you are walking right in to it.

Have you seen The Princess Bride? You are in The Fire Swamp, but Wesley is not there to jump in after you.

Just like drugs and alcohol, if you keep coming back to this “high” your brain will stop producing as much dopamine. Just like the heroin or cocaine addict, you start needing more to get the same high you did before. More porn, more intense porn, different types of porn, who knows? But it effects all aspects of your life. Because your dopamine receptors are not as active, regular, day-to-day things that used to make you happy or excited don’t anymore. Your dopamine receptors don’t distinguish between boobies and baseball. All they know is they don’t need to respond as much anymore. You are frying your happiness the way someone who took too much ecstasy does. Now you are like a heroin, cocaine and ecstasy addict. Happy Monday!

Addiction damages the brain!!

Do you believe me yet?

Look at Antony Weiner, talk about an addicted dude. Get help mother f***er!!

That’s what we can turn ourselves in to by not taking this as seriously as we do drugs. His “high” is sexting. Others are just porn, or just movies, or whatever. But it manifests itself in to your daily life. I bet Mr. Weiner (which ironically sounds like a great porn name) started out watching porn. Just jacking off in his room or whatever, then it got less stimulating, he was releasing less dopamine, it didn’t feel as good or exciting, so he stepped it up. Viola!! Sexting!

He is an addict.

But just like with drugs, he trained himself in to being an addict by walking down a road he never should have been on.

And boom goes the dynamite.

The Challenge

How many days can you go without watching porn?

I don’t mean you don’t look at the crazy stuff you used and switch it softcore, or lingerie models instead, I mean cold turkey.

Think you can do 30 days?

Try it.

No porn, no lingerie ads, no swimsuit editions, no jacking off, no nothing.

For the next 30 days, you are porn free.

Have sex with your spouse or significant other as much as you want.

But no porn.

Can you do it?

Of course you will say yes now, but how about tonight, or tomorrow? What about in a few days?

That’s when you know if you have an issue or not, when you can’t do it.

Seen the Seinfeld episode?

How long can you last?

Try to go 30 days, and take notice of the effects. I bet your relationship will be better. I bet your sleep will be better. I know your sex will be better. It will feel better. Not only mentally but physically. You de-sensitize your gear when you “tie one off.” Sex will feel better.

How could it feel any better?

By not jacking off!

30 days.

If you make the whole 30 days I would love to hear from you.

If you don’t make it at all I would love to hear from you.

Have Skype? Come on my podcast, lets talk about it. Let’s help other people (mostly men) get over 

this, help them make their lives better.

This issue is as serious as drugs.

It’s so serious, one of the drugs (Pamela Anderson) is turning on the other drugs.

Marijuana is telling on Coke (not a-cola), H, and X.

It’s time to take notice.

Joey

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What Are You An Example Of?

Whether you like it or not, you are an example to someone.

What exactly are you an example of?

That’s a great question.

You tell me.

Biographies and Autobiographies

James Altucher says, “advice is autobiography.” I totally agree, but it is also biography. I can give advice based on other people’s stories, and I do. When I am answering questions on my podcast/vlog, Just Ask Joey, I only answer things that I know about. The only way I can know about anything is if I have lived it or seen it lived. Do my friends and family know I am talking about them? If they are self-aware enough they know. And to be honest, if they are self-aware I am probably saying good things about them. If they are not self-aware, I am probably saying something negative about them. Not in a gossipy sort of way, just a statement of fact.

So What Kind Of An Example Are You?

To make this easier, let’s look at the major aspects of your life: work, home, and friends.

Work:

What kind of an example are you there? What do people say about you? What would they say if they were asked?

Are you nice or mean? Hardworking or lazy? First to arrive and last to leave, or last to arrive and first to leave?

Be honest.

Are you the best, the worst, or somewhere in between?

If someone were writing the story of your company or your office, what character are you?

Are you the type of person that brings the office up or down? Is the quality of the work better when you are involved? Is the moral higher when you are on a team?

The big question is, when they are training a newbie, are you the example of what to do or what not to do?

Ask yourself that.

And if you are anywhere on that spectrum other than the top, why are you ok with that? Mediocrity, or laziness, sloppiness, never going the extra mile. How have you allowed yourself to be okay with that?

Recognize your example for what it is, and make it better.

Home:

What kind of a spouse are you?

What kind of a parent?

When your kids grow up, are they going to want to be like you, or the opposite of you? Where are you strong? Where are you weak?

If you don’t have kids this is even better. You can think about the type of parent you want to be. Are you going to be the example that your kids emulate? Or the opposite?

Look at your parents. Do you do the same thing as them or totally different? Why? What type of an example are you going to be for your kids?

These are the kinds of questions we need to ask ourselves.

This is an even bigger one to ask yourself: if you think you are a good example as a parent, would your kids and spouse feel the same way if they knew everything that they don’t know? The things you don’t tell them? That they don’t see?

This is a huge question, and one that many people get caught on. If they don’t know it can’t hurt them. That is poisonous thinking.

Everything effects everything, whether it is known or not.

Whatever you are hiding, either knock it off, or tell them so it forces you to knock it off (I suggest this, the truth really can set you free).

Friend:

Do your friends look at you as someone who adds to their life, or takes away?

I am not talking entertainment value, I am talking about real value.

What do you bring to the table?

Do you find yourself with the same friends as you always have, or do you cycle through friendships?

What does it mean to be a good friend?

Are you there for them?

Do you keep track of favors to make sure you don’t do too many without getting some in return?

Can they count on you?

Can you count on them?

Are they good people to have around? Are you good for them? Do you fight? Do you argue?

If they were making a list of the “best” (as in best person) friends, where you on that list?

Purpose

What I am taking the long way to say is, you need to live with purpose.

You need to audit the hell out of yourself to make sure you are actually living the life you think you are. Don’t fool yourself. Don’t ignore the questions because they are too hard to answer. Get in there. 

Clean out the wounds, and be stronger than ever.

Work with purpose.

Be a part of your family with purpose. Be a child with purpose. A spouse or partner with purpose. A parent with purpose.

Be a friend with purpose.

Any time you get in to a situation where you need to question what you are doing you can ask yourself, what example am I setting? Why? Because it is not only about you. Someone, somewhere is watching. They will either use you as an example to, or an example not to.

Choose to live better.

Choose to be better.

An example that we can all follow.

Joey

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Overcome You Fears & Live Your Dream

Everyone has dreams, but not everyone recognizes the fear that is holding them back.

We make excuses why we aren’t doing what we really want to: time, access, money, reality, etc.

If we were to apply The 5 Whys, number 4 or 5 would inevitably be fear.

Obviously I am not talking fear of snakes and spiders, I mean: fear of failure, fear of failing in front people, fear of not being as good as we think we are, and a general fear of the unknown. Emotional fear, just as paralyzing as the snake and spider, but more manageable.

For those of you unfamiliar with The 5 Whys, it is exactly what it sounds like. Take an issue you are having, for instance, why am I not a fill-in-the-blank yet? Then ask yourself, “why?” and keep asking yourself why until you get to the root of the problem. Money, reality, time, blah blah blah, will all work itself in there, but if you are honest, it will come down to fear. Maybe you are scared you will lose the money you invest in yourself, which means you are scared you won’t be good enough. If you don’t believe you are good enough, you are beating yourself before you even start. Either by not putting in the time at all, or working on your project with the feelings of eventual failure at every step. It will come through in your work, it will seep out during your sales pitch, and you will fail. A self-fulfilling prophecy. Killing your own dream.

The most important thing to recognize is each dream has steps. Do not look at the finished product and think of it as too big. Think of it as a collection of next steps, just out of your reach, attainable at every turn. If this is really your dream, you will be willing to put in some serious time to realize it. I am not talking days and weeks, I am talking years and years. No big deal. No pressure.

Like Tony Robbins says, “People overestimate what they can do in a week and underestimate what they can do in a year.”

This three step approach is designed to give you a comfortable space to work in. The key to it all is W-O-R-K. Without really going for it, putting in some major blood sweat at tears, your dream will just be sitting there, waiting for some attention, for the rest of your life. Give it and yourself the respect it deserves and get after it in the way you should.

Baby Steps

Dream living is a new thing for you. It will be hard to just jump right in 100% unless you are already working in the field you are “dreaming” in.

Plan out your attack. Set a schedule. Do something every day.

In the beginning, you may not even know what in the hell to do. That’s ok. If you have time set aside for your dreams, you can research people in your field, steps they took, or things you should be working on. Every piece of knowledge that you pick up will help. Everything you do in those hours must be something that will help you reach your goal. If it’s not, you need to stop doing it right now. What you will find is the more time you put in, the more clarity you will receive on the steps you need to take. Think of your time investment as earning compound interest. Pretty soon you won’t need a schedule, you won’t need to research anything, because you will be humming 7 days a week.

Start with baby steps, every single day, and make sure it all is focused on something that will allow you to reach your goal. Everything else needs to be put on hold.

Mitigate Your Risk

You need to be 100% on your dreams if you want them to happen, but you don’t need to sell the farm to do it. If you are working, then work on your dream before and after work, on the weekends. Get the 9–5, 5 days a week thing out of your head right now. You know who works 9–5 and then shuts down? No one who is trying to actually get something worthwhile done. If you want to be a cog in the machine, stop reading this right now. If you are willing to go 7 days a week, some on stuff you love, some on stuff you don’t like to do but it allows you to do the stuff you love, keep reading.

Don’t quit your job.

Don’t pee in the boss’s planter and tell that secretary you don’t like to F off, keep working. The less financial pressure you have on yourself, the more clarity you will have to approach and attack problems. Desperation is ugly and it will hijack your dreams. The less desperation the better. No desperation is best, obviously.

If it is going to cost some money, cut back on household expenses: eat out less, don’t use so much data on your phone, cut out some of the movie channels, or don’t buy so much expensive wine. Remember, you are going to be working your ass off. You will not have time for some of the extra-curriculars you have come accustomed to enjoying anyways.

This is a huge test for you: are you willing to give up your “fun” time in order to pursue your dreams?

If the answer is no, you need to make sure it is really your dream. Then make sure you understand what it is going to take.

The answer, by the way, should always be yes. Of course you are willing to cut out some “fun” for your dream. Why? Because the pursuit of your dream should be fun already!

Do you think Casey Neistat (@CaseyNeistat) hangs out with friends all the time?

You think Gary Vaynerchuk (@GaryVee) is going out to dinner and partying on the weekends?

The answer to both is hell no.

Take care of your dreams and your family. That’s it. You don’t want compromise your family or your dreams, so don’t.

Dreams are fun. Family is fun.

Remember that.

Change Your Mindset

What is winning, and what is failing?

Forget everything you know, or think you know.

From now on, winning is: learning, gaining a new skill that can be applied later through a project that doesn’t “go anywhere”(I call this failing up), taking a step in the right direction, doing something better than the day before, learning from mistakes because you know it is all part of the learning process, and finally, doing it all again tomorrow.

On the flipside, failing is: not in your vocabulary anymore.

Adios.

Ciao.

Hasta la bye-bye.

You can’t fail. It is not an option because it is not possible. Let’s put our Thomas Edison hat on. From now on when you don’t get the result you want you have just found another way it didn’t work. 

That’s it. Move on.

You are on a journey.

The path is not important, it’s the destination that is.

As long as you are still moving in the right direction, you are winning every single day.

Don’t forget that. You are winning every day you do something towards your goal.

You are a winner.

You are winning.

Congratulations.

You should be proud of yourself.

Down Days

You are going to have days that are harder than others. If this is truly your dream you will figure out ways to get through them.

Here is my vlog on what I do when I have s*** days. (What To Do When You Are Having A S*** Day) I know I am all “ra-ra-go-team!” but I can get in to a funk too. I have things in place to make sure they don’t last longer than they need to. Hopefully some of those techniques can work for you 

too.

You know it’s a dream when you are willing to take some lumps along the way. It will get hard. You will get down. You will not be as far as you wished you were. It’s going to happen. It happened to me yesterday. Boo hoo. Get over it and get back on the horse.

Keep in mind that this is a journey, this is a lifetime. Get the calendar out of here, don’t put a time limit on it, you shouldn’t even be thinking of it like that.

Your time is up the day you die.

It’s time to stop dreaming, and start doing.

You have wasted every day up to this point by not following your dream.

The good news is, you never have to waste another day again.

So don’t.

Joey

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