I wish I could be happy.
I don’t want to be sad.
I don’t want to feel like my life is going nowhere.
I don’t want to feel like I am wasting away.
How can I be happy?
The first step to being happy is recognizing that you have
everything you need to be happy right now, right this second, you just need to
access it. You are not happy because you are not allowing yourself to be happy.
It is a choice you are making, whether you realize it or not. That can change
right now.
Your life is a combination of habits.
Good habits. Bad habits.
Sleep habits, fat habits, thin habits, drinking habits, sad
habits, and happy habits.
Happy and sad habits? How does that work? How can I have a
happy habit?
It’s a process. You create habits of being happy, and in
turn, you create a process of being happy.
The process of being happy is …………….. having a process.
A process to your morning.
A process to your day.
A process to your life.
Since this is primary election season, think of it like a
checks and balances for your “Happy Meter.” You are the Happy Railroad Company
and every time you get off the tracks there is a place to jump back on around
every corner. You will never be off for too long. That in itself should make
you pretty happy. Shitty morning? You don’t have to be sad, just jump right
back on just around the corner. You have a process! Check it, and balance it. Someone
ate your tuna fish sandwich? Don’t worry, you can jump right back on just up
ahead. You don’t have to be unhappy for long, because happiness is a process
throughout your day. You are “checking” and “balancing” all day long. Gotta
love the Democratic life process we have going here.
Books to help your process:
Building Your Process
How do you get this process?
A lot of people I read and listen to will tell you to pick a
destination and go full steam ahead until you get there. The process? Grind,
grind, grind. That may work for success in a sense, maybe. It will almost
definitely work in burning you out.
You don’t need a destination, you need a direction.
Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Find your
Northern Star, your guide, then start walking. Obstacles will be on your path.
Weather may be an issue. Cloudy with a chance of assholes tomorrow? Snow
flurries and shitheads next week? Its ok. It doesn’t change anything. Just look
up, find your star, and keep moving. You have a direction. As long as you keep
moving there is nothing to bring you down for too long.
80% of success is just
showing up.
If you keep walking, your success is inevitable. And isn’t
that what happiness boils down to? Being successful? A successful parent? A
successful child? Successful partner? Successful in business? That’s what we
want. A successful life. Does that mean money? Maybe. It means being able to
look at where you have been, where you are and where you are going and knowing
that you are doing your best. Really doing your best. Not doing a shitty job,
getting defensive and saying you are doing your best. I mean deep down, in your
guts, “I am doing this” kind of doing your best.
A process allows you to say that. I am doing my best. I am
showing up every day. I am here. I am constantly getting better, every day.
I am happy.
My process consists of (generally in this order): affirmation, meditation, education (not
rhyming intentionally, this is not a Mike Dyson speech), cardio, healthy eating, working my ass off, weight lifting, family
time, sleep.
Sounds like a lot, huh? I agree. It doesn’t feel like it
though. And it really, really works. Really.
1.
Affirmations:
Write down 10 things you want to have or have accomplished in 10 years. Write
them down every single morning. 7 days a week, 52 weeks, 365 days (don’t forget
it’s leap year this year. That’s more days for affirmations!). Doing this
reminds you every morning what you are striving for, what you are working so
hard for, what you are focused on. They will slightly adjust, maybe a few
things will be added by the end of the first month, but after that point, these
are your affirmations. They are your babies. They are staring at you every day,
at the beginning of the day, to keep you focused. Haven’t worked on one in a
while? You will know it that morning, and every other morning.
After I write out my affirmations, I always
make two lists of things I am grateful for. One is a list of things I was
grateful for yesterday, and one is things I am looking forward to today. How
can you be happy if you aren’t grateful? Exactly!
2. Meditation:
After your affirmations, put on some headphones, some nice relaxing music or
noises (I Iisten to the ocean), and just relax, for 10-20 minutes. Take deep
breaths, get your blood moving through your lungs, push out the toxins that
built up overnight. “In with the good, out with the bad.” I recommend a mantra,
something positive. You don’t want to be telling yourself you are a piece of
shit for 20 minutes. Something like, “I love myself.” “I am smart and I am
going to figure this out.” “No one can stop me.” Something reassuring.
Something to build yourself up. I know you will feel like a douchebag pumping
yourself up like Stuart Smalley, but your brain loves it and will help your
words and thoughts meet reality. You don’t have to tell people you sound like a
hippy meditating every morning, just do it. It can be our little secret.
3. Education:
READ READ READ!!!!!! What are your goals? What do you want to do? What do you
want to be? Find people that have done it. Read their books. James Altucher
says something along the lines of, “You only have one life, but you can live
vicariously through all your heroes and have their lives too.” James, if I
messed that up, I’m sorry, but it’s at least in the same spirit.
Stop reading the news. Who cares what crazy
thing Trump said? Fighting in the Middle East? Wow. Same headline 100 years ago,
200 years ago, 300 years ago, 1000 years ago. I have a scroll from 34 B.C. (not
really). The headline? “Fighting In The Middle East!”
Put down the People Magazine, stop looking
at TMZ. Who gives a shit what the Duggars are doing? The Housewives? Who cares?
They are probably fighting. Stop filling your brain with garbage. Stop filling
the fridge with cakes. You aren’t leaving any room for the veggies man!
The more you read about your goals, the
more you think about your goals. The more you think about your goals the more ideas
you will have to reach your goals. All of a sudden, your goals are right in
front of you. That doesn’t happen looking up Kimye. Get it? Got it? Good!
4. Cardio:
Run, walk, ride a bike, swim, whatever, just move! Get your blood flowing!
Flowing through your muscles, flowing to your brain. Some of my best thinking
is while I am running. It is like an extended meditation. Have a problem at
minute 2? Probably figured out by minute 54. Take walks in the middle of the
day. It’s amazing for your body and your mind.
5. Healthy
Eating: Drop the sugar and walk away. You need a healthy gut and healthy
body in order to be your best. You can read and work out all you want, but if
you eat like shit, you will be shit. Not literally. No one eats shit. Except my
dog. She’s gross. Healthy food = healthy gut = less inflammation = less
sickness = more dopamine released in your system = clearer thinking = happier.
Boom! Healthy tummy time. Veggies, healthy fats, no breads (at least eat them
after a workout or towards the end of the day). Be smart. No processed stuff.
WORK YOUR
ASS OFF!!!!!: Don’t leave anything on the table. There is no substitute for
being a productive powerhouse. The best part about # 6, is if “life” happens
one day and you don’t get everything accomplished that you wanted to, you have
this process in place to make it up tomorrow. Then you can be happy!
Don’t text, Facebook, Tweet, or look at
boobies online. This is productive time. Unless you work at one of those
companies or are plastic surgeon, there is no reason to be looking at any of
those things if you are really trying to get something. It is work time. Be
productive the whole time. Every minute you waste is just more time in between
you and your goals. And for what? So you can check your likes? Fuck your likes.
Like work.
7. Weightlifting:
The fountain of youth! Lifting heavy weights is shown to keep your body more
youthful than anything else you can do (Botox is just a mask, it doesn’t do
anything for you physiologically. That, and you look emotionless. Are you
smiling or frowning? I can’t tell). Decompress the day by compressing your
muscles. You need a release, do it in the gym. Or do it like me, put a gym in
your garage. This allows for major productivity. Taking out drive time,
changing time, parking, blah blah blah. It’s awesome. I listen to podcasts of
people with information I want, which means I am learning and lifting at the
same time. Booya.
8. Family:
Spend time with your family or loved ones every day. Eat dinner together. Play
board games. Read together. Tuck your kids in at night. Tell them you love
them. Give love. Feel love. Do this every day. Love is wonderful. Remember to
love yourself first. Be happy with where you are. Set yourself up for happiness
and success and love. Share that with the people you love.
9. Sleep:
You work hard all day. You are a grinder. You did all your steps, your whole
process. Now you need to recover. The only way to do that is sleep. 8-9 hours.
Get some good recovery sleep. Get the orange glasses so you can produce
melatonin faster and recover more. Get some eye covers so you block out all the
light so your brain doesn’t go nuts while you are sleeping. Prep your sleep.
Don’t watch crazy shows right before bed. Read something. Not TMZ!! Read
something you want to learn. That way you can think about it while you dream.
Be calm before you go to bed. You need good sleep so you can be just a little
bit better tomorrow.
This sounds like a lot of work
Joey!!!
It is.
Aaaand it isn’t.
Stop being a baby.
If it was easy everyone would be
doing it.
You are not everyone.
You are special.
You are happy.
These are “happy” markers
throughout your whole day. Off the tracks? There is a happy marker around the
corner to get you back on. No need to worry. No need to overreact. Things will
soon be better. You are habitually happy now. Who the hell can say that? You
can!
This process gets you to where you
want to go. If you trust the process, you will be happy, because you know you
are doing what you need to do to get to where you want to go.
Here is a breakdown of my day. Not much
room to be unhappy.
5am-515am – affirmations
515am-535am – meditation
535am-615am – reading/drinking
coffee
615am-620am – (hopefully) poopy
time
620am-7am – breakfast with wife
and daughter (making and eating)
7am-8am – cardio
8am-830am – shower/eat
830am-330pm – work my balls off
330pm-5pm – lift weights/listen to
podcasts/take notes/write down ideas
5pm-530pm – shower/eat
530pm-630pm – make/eat dinner with
family
630pm-7pm – play games/read with
family
7pm-830pm – read/hang out with
wife
9pm – sleepy time
To be honest, at any point during
the day I could feel like a loser. Like I will not be successful in whatever I
am working on. We all get down. The idea is to minimize that. The thing that
allows me to be happy is knowing that I have done everything before than
moment, and I will do everything after that moment to get better and be
successful. I can be happy in trusting the process. Even if I was not
successful that day, or that hour, I have everything in place to be successful
tomorrow, and the day after, and next week. Failure is short term. It is part
of the learning process. I can’t fail! I have slept, eaten well, worked out,
etc. I am a machine. I keep pushing forward, and that makes me happy. That
makes me VERY happy.
I am happy with the process, which
allows me to be happy with my life.
I will always be ok, no matter
what comes my way.
I trust the process:
The process of
success.
The process of
creativity.
The process of
productivity.
The process of
happy.
Talk to you soon,
Joey
Books to help your process:
