Showing posts with label lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lessons. Show all posts

Friday, January 6, 2017

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Austin Kleon


A self-described writer who draws, Austin Kleon is an artists’ artist. Assuming he would have to take on the Bruce Wayne/Batman approach to his life as an artist, he surprisingly found that he could do what he loved for a living. This is his advice on how you can too.

I have taken his interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one they are on.

Please enjoy.

My Parents Always Told Me That Being An Artist Is Only A Hobby

I would love to tell you how wrong they are, but I had the same outlook when I was younger. My impressions of being an artist were of the “starving” variety. Like Bruce Wayne and Batman, I assumed my life as an artist would be night and day, literally. Doing something I didn’t love during the day in order to support the thing I did love at night.

What I started to realize was it wasn’t as “night” and “day” as I thought. I wanted day jobs that would inform the art. Learn from the day job, taking jobs that would make me better at my craft, then my growth in the craft would help me land the next day job. It turned out to be a beautiful cycle. What was even more beautiful was having the income to create. If you handcuff yourself by having to use your art for money, you may head down a path that you don’t want to be on. Monetary freedom is creative freedom. Keep your day job until you can support yourself with your art. But use your day job to push the art forward.

Don’t assume that because you can’t make money yet that you will never be able to. What do you need to get better at? Start there. There are so many aspects to being an artist besides the art, especially today. Not only do you need to create the art, but you need to market it and manage it. You are your own business.

Doesn’t sound appealing? That’s fine, just find someone who loves your art more than you do, then they can do all the stuff you don’t want to. Where you going to find that person? Exactly, get to work.

My advice is to decrease the tension between creation and self-promotion by combining the two. Make sharing a part of your creating and vice-versa. Sharing should become a daily practice as much as the actual daily practice of your craft. A great thing I have found is the added perspective of an audience helps create the art you are sharing with them in the first place. You will start to build community and networking around your art. The bigger the community, the more likely you can do what you love for a living. Sharing creates an ecosystem of creativity and connecting.

What Do You Feel Is The Foundation Of Creativity?

Everything around you is your foundation.

Too big?

Try this:

Take bits and pieces from everything, and create something completely new. Extract as you go and save it for later. Look for patterns. Create, study, make, study more, create more, etc. You should study as much as you make, and share as much as you study and make.

Got it?

Being a creative is as much about the community as it is the individual artist. The best artists in their respective generations are always products of their environment. Being that person that is connected to many different things allows you to create things that no one else can. The more input, the more output. Look at what you are doing, what other people are doing, and more importantly what they are NOT doing. Once you start recognizing that, you can take it on and create your own niche.

Time is also a huge foundation of creativity. You need to spend time every day sitting in your art. Visit it, listen to it, absorb it, and practice it. Schedules and routines free you. Knowing when you have time for the thing you want to be doing every day is liberating. If this is something you really want to do, you need to make sure you are actually doing it.

Never get caught up in the FOMO (fear of missing out), because you are not missing out. You are doing your thing. Let go of what you think you should be doing, or what everyone else is doing. You are an individual with their own goals and dreams. Following what other people are doing will pull you away from them.

If you need to refocus yourself, if you feel like you are not doing the thing you should be, ask yourself: what would I do if no one was paying attention? Or if no one was looking? That will usually be the thing that seems boring, or not cool, and not what everyone else is doing. That is also the best part. The time you are putting in the effort to reach your goals is the same time that will keep everyone else from reaching theirs.

One day you won’t be here, but you get today. What are you going to do with it?

Quotes

The artist welds their theft in to something completely new.

Don’t flatter through imitation, flatter through transformation.

It’s about content.

Make sharing a part of your daily practice as much as the daily practice on your craft.

Austin Kleon Links


Chase Jarvis Links


Joey Links

Friday, September 23, 2016

The Accidental Stoic Pt. 5 - Practice Misfortune


(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.
Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcome Adversity, Live A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there!

I find the best way to allow yourself permission to be teachable is either acknowledging the desire and need to learn or finding yourself in stories about other people and applying it to your own life.

1. Practice Misfortune:

Poverty.
Little food.
Poor Clothing.
No comforts of home.
Become face to face with want.
Realize you can handle more than you thought.
Anxiety and fear are rooted in uncertainty. Show yourself that you can deal with the unknown.

This is the stoic practice that jumped out at me the most. Practicing misfortune is what started the whole idea of this Accidental Stoic series. I am not sure if anything addresses misfortune, at least in this sense, better than a tiny cell in a 150 year old prison (with another person).

Poverty? I had no money. I refused to have my wife put anything on “my books” other than for necessities. I wanted to feel every ounce of my punishment. I knew it would make me better and stronger on the other end. I didn’t want to try and mask the emotional turmoil I was in with Top Ramen, canned sausages, and chips like all the other idiots around me. I wanted the cement and bars in my veins. I wanted them to harden my heart so I would get out of there and be a machine. Concrete and steel. No more fucking around.

Even when I got to Soledad and got a job, I made $0.09 an hour. Just enough for toothpaste, floss, and deodorant at the commissary once a month.

They don’t serve you much food. I was hungry all the time. My first day out I went to In N Out and couldn’t even finish a hamburger. I got full too fast. This was a single burger too. No double-double or anything. That’s how much my stomach had shrunk.

Now I fast once a quarter, 5 days at a time, for physical and mental health reasons. On top of that there are a lot of advantages to not being a slave to your stomach.

Poor clothing? You mean my set of blues for chow and my basketball shorts and white t-shirt for everything else? Or my PIA issued converse-style sneakers? Yeah. Poor clothing, check!

No comforts of home? That’s easy, wasn’t home. No family. No friends. Nothing. 10 minutes phone calls at the end of the day, if the phones were working, if they decided to give us yard, that’s it.
All I wanted to do was be home. See my wife and daughter. BBQ with my parents. Go to my in-laws on Sundays. That’s it. Get home, show everyone that this will not defeat me, and that I will be better than ever. That is something I still think about every day. Show everyone that no matter how fucked you are, you can pull yourself out. I want that for my daughter more than anything. Show her that you only lose if you give up.

I never thought I would have made it through prison. Why would I? There are people that wanted me there because they didn’t think I would make it either. But I did, and I did it well. I’m not afraid of going back. I can do prison. That is not something I am proud of, but it’s something I know I can do. 

If I can deal with prison, and all the crazy shit that happens there, what can’t I handle out here? 

Exactly. Absolutely nothing.

That’s what happens to people after traumatic events. Wars, attacks, tornadoes, hurricanes. They catch a glimpse of their true strength, the types of things they can make it through, and it’s a power surge.

That’s the real reason the Greatest Generation is the greatest generation, they were tested. Mentally, physically, emotionally, everything. Basically a whole generation of men and women had to go to war, had to deal with war. If you made it back, after seeing what you saw, after doing what you did, what the hell can compare back in real life? Absolutely nothing.

Look at really great people. I mean REALLY great. They all had to make it through something. The greatest people of our generation had to deal with something traumatic that allowed them to tap in to their potential, their strength, and their greatness. None of them would be who they are without it.

This was my trauma.

This was my insight.

This is what I can compare every difficult thing to for the rest of my life.

Nothing will be as bad as San Quentin, and I was able to go through that at 34. That gives me about 

50 years of ammo.

Wish I could have gotten that insight on purpose.

But accidents aren’t always bad.


Friday, July 8, 2016

How To Save A Truck Driver's Life


This article is extremely personal to me.

It is designed to shine a light and help a group of people very near and dear to my heart: truck drivers.

This Monday, July 4, 2016, I lost my uncle. He was a truck driver.

We were about as close as a nephew and uncle could be. Over the last few days I have been flipping through photo albums. Every picture, whether it be 1981, 1995, or 2015, we were smiling, we were having a good time.

But our photo album is complete. There won’t be any more additions. The last picture we had together he was dressed up like a cowboy princess, thanks to my daughter. He was a great guy. We all loved being around him.

Loved. Past tense.

On Monday he “threw a clot” in Mississippi on his way across the country for 100th? 200th? 300th time? Who knows? Too many to count. He knew this country like the back of his hand. He saw every inch of it in his 40+ years behind the wheel. He loved the road. When he was on vacation, what did he do? Traded in his 18 wheeler for a motorcycle, and hit the road. It was his life.

Even though he lived longer than many people do, saw more than almost all of us ever will, he is still gone to soon. They always are.

He developed a blood clot in his leg, he “threw” it, and he didn’t make it.
I want to make sure other families of truck drivers don’t have to feel the pain my family is feeling right now. Losing someone from something (potentially) preventable. Getting “that” phone call. We are all going to go eventually, we don’t need to speed the process up. We don’t need to rush in to that last breath.

Please share this with your family, spread the word and the information in these next few paragraphs.

Let’s keep our fathers and our uncles around longer. A little more time is all we are ever going to want in the end.

What is a blood clot?

It is basically a scab in your blood stream. It is formed to help repair damaged blood vessels, arteries, or veins.

Causes?

Heart conditions, post-surgery healing, especially where casts and splints are used.

Risks increase in people over 60.

Risks increase if they are: obese, diabetic, have high blood pressure, smoke, and experience prolonged inactivity (like driving for a living).

I am obviously going to focus on the prolonged inactivity, but I know there is a high rate of smoking, obesity and diabetes in the truck driving community, so please focus on those as well.

Symptoms

Clots can move in the body, that’s when they are really dangerous.

The ones that truck drivers need to be aware of are the ones in their legs. Look for: pain, redness, swelling, tenderness, a warm sensation or a pale or blue discoloration and coolness (because of lack of circulation).

When you throw a clot (a piece breaks loose), it can either go any number of places in your body, none of them good.

Heart: chest pain, shortness of breath, nausea, indigestion, and sweating (basically, a heart attack).

Brain: loss of speech, vision, and weakness on one side of the body (basically a stroke).

Lungs: chest pain, shortness of breath, and rapid pulse and breathing.

Intestines or other organs: abdominal pain, nausea, blood in stool.

The most important thing to take from this section is awareness. Be aware of how your legs feel. 

Listen to your body. When you feel or notice any of these things, put your ego aside, put your haul aside and get your butt to the doctor, or the nearest emergency room. Your life is more important than anything you have in the trailer.

When To Call 911

When you feel chest pressure, have shortness of breath, have difficulty seeing, speaking or breathing.

This is a VERY serious situation. My last conversation with my uncle was telling him to go to the doctor because we was having chest and kidney pains. He said he took Tylenol and he was fine. Let that sink in. What if he went to the doctor? Maybe my photo album would have a few more good times with a wonderful man.

Prevention

Hydration: Drink plenty of fluids. We are talking water here people. Not sodas, Gatorade, any of that other crap. Remember, diabetics and obese people have a higher likelihood of clotting. We don’t want make it easier for the clots to form. You are already sitting for long periods of time, that’s help enough.

Move Around: Make sure you walking around every time you stop. If you are in for a really long haul that day, stop every few hours and walk around. If you are drinking enough water, like you should, you will have to stop and pee every few hours anyways. Take the time to get a few extra minutes of leg movement in.

Clothing: Wear loose fitting clothing. Not that truck drivers are known for traveling in skin tight leather pants or anything, but you know, just in case.

Sleep: When you sleep, elevate your feet above your heart.

Compression Socks. Wear them (you can get them at any Walmart or Target in the travel section).

Change Positions Regularly: Purposefully change positions. I know what you are saying, where the hell am I going to go in the truck? I get it, but shift your hips, take some pressure off of the backs of your legs throughout the day.

Now for the tough part: Health

1. Eat better
2. Lose weight
3. Stop smoking
4. Limit your salt intake
5. Take your meds.

I know this is all stuff you have probably heard before, but please take the consequences seriously.
If you have any questions on how you can change your diet, or you want to know if what you are eating sucks, please feel free to contact me in the comments section and I will be happy to work with you (for free by the way, this is supposed to help people, not make money). I know it is very difficult to eat well on the road, with the pressure of deadlines and the endless supply of fast food chains all along your routes, but there are ways.

Honesty

It can happen to you. Whether you are behind the wheel, or you love the person behind the wheel, it can happen to you.

It’s awful.

It’s sad.

And it doesn’t have to happen.

Be safe. Live Safe. Drive safe.

Over and out.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

HOw Have My Views On Marriage Changed In My Life?


There are only two views to have on marriage: they are great or they suck.

You can have the same view your whole life, or it can evolve over time.

My bet would be that more views change from great to sucks, than sucks to great.

I am the former.

Great To Sucks

How could this happen? So sad. *sniff

I will tell you exactly, people story tell.

They story tell about their romance, their heartwarming tale of boy meets girl. They take what they want marriage and relationships to be and they project them on to their actual relationship. Love at first sight, high school sweethearts, good girl meets bad boy, etc. And they commit. Hell, they over commit. By the time they realize their relationship is poop it is too late and there is a ring on it, babies involved, the whole nine yards.

“You changed!”

“Where is the man/woman I married?”

“Waaa!”

They were never there.

You didn’t marry Noah (The Notebook)

You didn’t marry Jack (Titanic)

*for guys

You didn’t marry (fill in porn star name here, I don’t know any *wink *wink)

You filled in their gaps, their holes, with your story. What they were actually missing, you gave them. Why? Because it allowed you to have the fairytale you wanted. You had the perfect partner. You were going to beat the odds. They were going to write stories about your love. The problem is, they already wrote them, and you plagiarized your life with them.

Oopsie daisy.

Once it hits you, it hurts, bad. Along with the crumbling of your marriage comes the crumbling of your views on marriage. Marriage sucks. Boo matrimony.

Sucks To Sucks

Because you don’t have a very positive outlook on marriage, you don’t look for the perfect partner, you look for the okayest (made that word up, but it fits perfectly). You look for someone who you can tolerate, or fills out your checklist, has a good job, or whatever else is a mediocre measure to finding a partner. You half ass it going in, which leads to a half ass marriage, and it’s an “I told you so” for the rest of your life. You created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nice work Casanova. “You can call me Nova.” — name that movie!

They look at the stats, and they look at how many marriages fail. They look at all the shitty relationships around them and go, “see!!”

They marry someone they don’t think is that great, or someone that they don’t feel they can be themselves around, or someone they need to hide things from.

They listened to the people, to the majority.

The problem is, most people are stupid. I am sorry if I offended you (but then why do you think you’re stupid?) We are at the bottom of education, we are the fattest, just look at this election? Holy moly! You think with this many idiots around you are going to get a good view of what marriage can really be?

“Come on man!!” — Chris Carter

If you are siding on the dumb-dumb majority, guess what? You’re a dumb-dumb!

Let that sink in, then read how it can be, how it should be.

Sucks To Great

This is me!! Tada!! This is how my view have changed!

I thought marriage was finding the person you tolerated the best. I am such a romantic.

Don’t fight much, nice person, would be a solid partner, mother (for my kids, not me. I have a mom), etc. I wasn’t looking for a best friend, I had enough guy friends. I wasn’t looking for soulmate, that’s a bunch of hooey. Nothing like that was real, it was just Hollywood, tricking us in to looking for bullshit, leading us down a path of misery and chasing a fantasy. I was WAY jaded.

I had great relationships to look to for inspiration.

But I listened to the dummies.

“That’s rare.”

or

“That’s a unicorn.”

“I’ll pick her, she’s perfect(ly just okay)!”

Then I met my wife.

And everything changed.

I loved being around her. We could hang out all day every day and I never got sick of her. I missed her when she was gone. She could hang with my friends. When I did something cool I wish she was there too, like something was missing without her. She was the first person I actually wanted to have a baby with (and thank God I didn’t have any babies with the “okay” ones). I could be myself (which then lead to me needing to figure out just who the hell I was. I will save that for another time). She was perfect. She was my best friend.

And it finally hit me.

This is what it is supposed to be like. That 1 out of 10 was what you were going for.

Tim Ferriss quotes Mark Twain all the time, “When you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.”

I was focused on the 9, not the 1.

I looked at it even worse than that. It was roulette. It was a crapshoot. No one could figure out which marriages work and which ones don’t.

But we do. F’ing Hollywood was right!

Damn you Noah and Allie!!!

- Marry your best friend.
- Marry the one you don’t get sick of.
- Marry the one you miss when they are gone.
- Marry the one you can be yourself around.
- Marry the one that makes you feel like forever isn’t long enough.

Then you can be the one.

The one that does it the right way.

You just have to know what you are looking for.

But more importantly, you have to know that you can actually find it.

Monday, July 4, 2016

What Is The Upside To Failure?


Losing sucks.

Winning feels good.

Worse than losing is being a loser, or feeling like it.

I felt like the biggest piece of s*** loser for a long time, and still do on some occasions.

It’s no fun.

The good thing is there is a huge upside to f’ing up.

Clarity.

With every mistake, every failure, is the clarity of what went wrong. To be specific, where YOU went wrong. We don’t blame failure on anyone but ourselves ‘round these parts. If you want to stay, you are going to have to suck it up and dig deep. We are about fixing ourselves here. No excuses.
Failure does not mean an instant clarification on where you went wrong, but it is the beginning of an opportunity for you to find out what went wrong. I hope you use it wisely.

Why did you make that decision?

Start at “ground zero,” then work your way backwards. As soon as you start blaming other people, you need to stop and re-evaluate. Even if you think other people had a hand in your failure, you need to find how you allowed them to have a hand in your failure. i.e. it’s still your failure bucko.
There is a root to everything. You now have the opportunity to find it.

There is a weakness in you, in all of us. We are susceptible to do some pretty stupid stuff. Tony Robbins says that if you don’t plan for what can take you down, you will inevitably be taken down. You need to plan for the worst. In doing that, you will have already played out the “failure” scenario and you will be able to navigate through it without taking a huge dump on yourself.

Isn’t it easier not to make the mistake in the first place? Uh, yeah. But we don’t have that option now, do we?

You didn’t exactly listen to Tony Robbins and navigate your failure did ya?

So we move forward.

Past mistakes will tell you what you need to work on. The fact that you even have past mistakes means there are things you need some work. Would it have been better to have a stronger sense of character, more self-discipline, self-awareness? Uh, yeah. But it is better to get that now then continue to make mistakes over and over again.

With all this new-fangled clarity you can look at your mess honestly. If it’s a big enough failure, everyone you know will be able to look at it with you. Not great, but now you have no place to hide. There are no more excuses, or fibs, or major lies depending on what your failure was. You have is your bare ass out in the wide open, and it’s surprisingly refreshing. Not comfortable, but not as bad as you thought, little chilly, not bad. But now you can deal with it honestly, break free from your shackles of deceit, and live your life out in the open (which feels amazing).

Damn that’s a relief.

Not a great relief, but you are starting to see the upside.

You can rebuild from the ground up, planning for your weaknesses, with a better understanding of who you are, where you want to be, and more importantly, where you don’t want to be, and more importantly than that, where you could possibly be if you are not careful, smarter, and honest.

You think two out of the three pigs built their house with straw and twigs the next time? Hell no, and neither will you. You can be a house of bricks if you work on it. This will take time, but you can use the desire to never want to fail again to succeed this time.

You will be a better version of you than you have ever been, because you are able to cut out the failure and rebuild stronger than ever.

“Failure Isn’t Final.”

Remember that.

Keep pushing.

Joey

Monday, June 27, 2016

How To Deal With Assholes


Let’s get straight to the point: Just avoid them.

Easy, huh?

Just kidding. You can’t. They are everywhere.

At work. In traffic. At the grocery store. In your family. And probably in your house. You might be one too. Let’s be honest, you are at least sometimes. I know I am.

Strategy Time

I truly believe that you can’t let someone get under your skin unless you let them get under your skin. What I mean is, you can’t get angry unless you let yourself get angry. Not unless you give them the power to control your mood and your happiness.

Did you honestly think I wasn’t going to make this a “you” problem? I am and the King Of Self-Awareness baby! All problems are your problems. It’s time to get on board! Toot toot!
All kidding aside (even though I am not kidding about it being your problemo), there are different strategies based on who you are dealing with. There is: The Stranger Approach to Assholes, and the Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes.

#1 The Stranger Approach To Assholes

Do you really walk out your door and get surprised that you run in to assholes? Seriously? You know you are going to drive next to them. You know they are going to be in front of you at Costco. You know they are going to be on the train or the bus. You should be prepared for this the second you walk out the door each day.

Here is a quote from Marcus Aurelius. This should go through your head every day:

“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own — not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”

The truth is, you have no idea what someone else is going through that day. Just like they don’t know what you are going through. We all have bad days. We all have perspectives and points of view. That’s what makes us so interesting. It is also what makes us so irritating. We don’t walk through our days thinking about everyone we come across, we think about ourselves. That is why you are so mad when they cut you off.

How dare they!! Don’t they know you have places to go!?!

It’s not about you.

It’s not about me.

You need to prepare yourself every day to deal with people that do not have the same agenda as you at the same time. Not everyone is late for work. Not everyone takes their job as seriously as you. The world is not here to please you. So when you walk out that door, understand that you are just a piece of the puzzle. Some pieces fit and some don’t, but there is a place for everyone.

So when someone cuts you off. When (one of my favorites) someone at the grocery store is oblivious to the fact that there are other people in the aisles, when your waitress is rude, or when that dummy is playing his completely inappropriate music out loud in a crowded space for everyone to listen to instead of having some headphones (another one of my favorites), you can just say, “Wow. That person has a lot going on today.” And move on.

Simple. Effective.

Now for the hard one.

#2 Frequently Deal With Them Approach To Assholes

This is basically designed for people you work with and family members.

It is really hard, I know.

Lazy, rude, sloppy, stupid, the list goes on and on. You can’t fire them, unless you are the boss, then go ahead. But you can’t fire your family. You can’t ignore them, or “unfriend” them. You are bound by blood, and you are stuck.

So you have to make it work in both instances.

My only suggestion is to flip the script on them, make light of the thing that irritates you the most.

Get to the root of their assholeness. Really get in there.

That sounds weird, even in context.

Better put, use their stuff against them.

If you are a Metallica fan, fight fire with fire.

If they are negative, joke around about their negativity.

If they are rude, make a joke about saying please and thank you.

Tell them it is a pleasure to see them in such a good mood.

Whatever your strategy, don’t let it build up. When it builds up you explode. When it builds up you gossip. You talk about them behind their back, that means you are getting worked up about them even when they are not directly irritating you, then you are an asshole too. Be straight forward with people. If you have to tell them they suck at their job, do it. If they are a family member that does something you don’t like, tell them. Joke with it, or go straight at it, but holding it inside is the worst thing you can do when you are dealing with this type of an asshole. Holding it in ruins your day, your week, your month, your year. On top of that, if you bring it home (assuming the person is not in your home) you are ruining your house too. Look how much power you are giving this person. This asshole.

Seems silly doesn’t it?

The Bottom Line

It all comes down to anticipation. You should be anticipating dealing with assholes. You may not know how, but you can anticipate that something will get you irritated. The anticipation allows you to let it bounce off of you because you were expecting it. Instead of being surprised, you can be prepared.

The same anticipation you use to go out in the world is the same anticipation you can use to deal with the Frequent Interaction Asshole. If you know Betty is going to be a bitch at work, for whatever reason, if that ruins your day, it’s your fault. Work around it. Absorb it, ignore it. Whatever you need to do to block it out. You have the ability to block it, so use it. You know it’s there, so you should never be surprised by it. It’s all about the game plan.

You have more power than you know. It’s time to utilize it.

Stay strong my people.

Friday, May 13, 2016

The Accidental Stoic Pt. 3 - Live A Life Of Character


(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.
Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.
In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcome Adversity, Live A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there! 

I find the best way to allow yourself permission to be teachable is either acknowledging the desire and need to learn or finding yourself in stories about other people and applying it to your own life.


3. Live A Life Of Character:

  • Recognize the power of your gestures.
  • Do not compromise.
  • Practice: humility, honesty, and awareness.
  • Think about your thinking.
  • Learn from others’ experiences.
  • What do you spend most of your time on? Is it important?
  • Be steadfast, strong, in control, and always learning.

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” (Mat. 5:37)

This one was a bitch slap right in my face ………

If Mike Tyson was the one bitch slapping me ……

In 1988.

Not 1988 me, 1988 him.

(Why would Iron Mike bitch slap and 8-year-old?)

Yeah.

Ouch.

We all think we are good people.

If we didn’t we would change, right?

What we fail to recognize is it really doesn’t matter if you are a good person, if you do bad things. Barry Bonds is the greatest hitter of all times, but if he didn’t get a hit what would he be? Exactly, a should-have-been. That’s what we do to ourselves when we don’t live a life of character. We are should-have-beens.

They are great, but.

Without character, you are a “but” head. Just imagine Biff Tannen walking around with you all day:

“What are you doing butthead?”

“You sure you want to do that butthead?”

“Are you thinking about your family butthead?

“Are you thinking about your legacy butthead?

We operate in the shadows. If people don’t see it, it doesn’t count, right? That’s a negative Ghost Rider. It counts even more, because it means you are lacking character. You are a phony. You are a fake. You present one thing, you say one thing, then you turn around and do another. You are like a famous comedian that preaches family values, goes after other comedians publicly, then gives chicks drugs and humps them. Are those family values? We have an emergency Dr. Huxtable!

If no one knows, does it count?

If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?

The answer is: FUCK YES IT DOES!!

You think it is all about you? If YOU didn’t see it? If YOU didn’t hear it? Whether you see it happen or not, the repercussions of a fallen tree will still be there: a shattered trunk, crushed trees around it, years of growth and stability gone, homes of little woodland creatures destroyed. Poor squirrels.
And what do you say? But I didn’t see it. Maybe it didn’t happen.

Go fuck yourself you jerk-off.

I am a good person. Really I am. I care about people. I hate when I hurt people’s feelings. I love my wife. I love my daughters. I love all my friends and family. But if a tree falls in the woods ……..
We spin the shitty situations we put ourselves in so we don’t have to feel bad.
If we held a mirror up to our actions, or if we let other people see the stupid shit we are doing, we would puke. Instead, we tell ourselves it’s not that bad. We don’t tell anyone the bullshit we are doing, and we keep doing it. Better than feeling bad, right? Why bring yourself down? That’s no fun.

Bring yourself down.

Trust me.

There is an unbelievable freedom in living a life of character. No secrets? The feeling of knowing you are doing everything the right way? Not just by your biased standards, but by those around you? Holy shit. It is amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It’s freedom. It’s freedom within the freedom. Like uber freedom!! (not the app).

We all have freedom to do pretty much whatever we want. Most people choose poorly: they eat like shit, work like shit, fill their minds with shit like bad TV, bullshit web searching, porn, treating their bodies bad, and treating their relationships bad. We have all the freedom in the world, and we shackle ourselves with the decisions we make EVERY SINGLE DAY.

There are a lot of losers out there.

You may be one of them.

Are you?

I was.

You may think I am still one, but I don’t care, because I know I’m not. Why? How? Because I live a life of character. I have no secrets, I do everything with integrity, I audit my time and my interactions with people both personally and professionally, and I am grateful for everything I have. I am cool. Joe Cool. Or Joey Cool (don’t want to piss off Snoopy).

You need to audit yourself consistently to make sure you are living a life of character. Check all the time. We are creatures of habit, creatures of conditioning. You can condition yourself right in to and right out of just about anything, good or bad. If you don’t audit, you could be going off in a direction you wouldn’t or shouldn’t. Reflection is key. Evaluate perspectives. Adjust. Tweak. Get better. Be better. Consistently.

If things in your life are not the way you want, or envisioned, audit. Audit everything! Don’t have the marriage you want? Audit yourself. Messed up kids? Audit yourself. Not enough time in the day? Audit.
Not enough money? Audit! Fix you, then you can fix IT.

You may need to really sit down and evaluate who you are. You may not know. I didn’t. My wife was the first relationship that allowed me to be me. The problem was, I didn’t know who I was. I always thought relationships were the ebb and flow of who you are to keep the peace. What if you could be 100% all the time? Holy shit. New concept. Maybe that’s why they say good relationships are easy. You can just be you. That’s seems pretty easy. But what if you don’t know who you are? What if part of you is an asshole? Then you need to fix it. Audit yourself.

Once you audit, you NEVER compromise. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. When you leave a crack in the door, it’s much easier to blow right open. If you close it all the way, it stays shut. That’s where I really messed up. My no’s ended up being maybes because I left the door slightly open. I didn’t slam it shut when I should have, and it became a yes. It slowly opens, a little wider, then a little bit more, then all of a sudden, shit, it’s open, it’s a yes. Damnit. But I’m a good person! Well, not right now you aren’t.

Actions speak louder than words.

How do you live a life of character?              

I’m glad you asked.

Do what is in the best interest of you (the good you, not the selfish dickhead you), do what is best for
your family, do what is best for your friends, your company, your clients, the random person walking down the street. That’s character. That’s integrity. NEVER compromise. You will be better for it. Your loved ones will be better for it. Everything will be better! Your LIFE will be better. You can walk around with your head held high because the sunlight feels so damn good!

Shadows are cold.

Darkness is lonely.

Step out and let the rays of light warm you, energize you, and show you what the world can be, and should be.

I wish I had this knowledge 20 years ago. Instead, I learned it the hard way. You don’t have to have the same regrets I do. You can learn from my mistakes, my experiences. Change is good. Live A Life Of
Character.

Snapchat: JustOneJoey

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

The Accidental Stoic, Pt. 1 - Time Is Brief


I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.
In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcoming Adversity, Living A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there! 

I find the best way to allow yourself permission to be teachable is either acknowledging the desire and need to learn or finding yourself in stories about other people and applying it to your own life.
  1. Time Is Brief:
  • Don’t give small things more time than they deserve.
  • Be present, don’t miss moments of connection.
  • Do not live as if time is forever.
  • Live life on the offense.
  • Focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t.
  • Time is the only commodity you can’t earn back.
There is nothing like realizing the value of time once it is taken away.

It’s recognizing that the road is a dead end, but only after you are hanging off the edge.

Oops!

This is something people usually grasp as they get older. At some point you realize that you can’t go back and re-live anything. Time is the only commodity that can’t be replaced. Your kids can’t grow up again. Your parents can’t come back. You can miss moments and you can’t re-do anything, so you need to make sure you are in the right mindset to do it correctly the first time.

The hardest part about this realization is it doesn’t trickle out, giving you a chance to slowly get it, take it in a little bit at a time. It is an avalanche, a broken levy, or a flash flood. Boom! You are wiped out by the clarity of the situation, and it does not feel good. You are drowning. You don’t know which way is up, but you know you are at the bottom. Questions race through your mind so fast you can’t answer any of them. You are in a tornado of thoughts, emotions, and darkness.

I was an idiot. I risked time with my family in the future by the actions in my past. Not only did I lose time when I went to prison, I was mangling the time with them when I was doing the stuff to get put in prison!

I am a dipshit! (was)

My daughter only turned five once, and I missed it. She only graduated pre-school once, and I missed it. Only had one first day of kindergarten, and I missed that too. It won’t come back, ever. Time is fleeting. No matter how angry I get at myself. No matter how much I cry. No matter how sad I am, it is gone forever. Our lives are a series of moments that we either partake in or, poof, they’re gone. You can be in the moment today, you can make sure you are in it tomorrow, but yesterday is gone. You either wasted it, or you didn’t.

Sitting in a prison cell 23.5 hours a day really allows for the gravity and “shortness” of time to sink in.

Even if you aren’t in prison, when you recognize a mistake, you realize what’s gone, and it’s massive.  

Was that fight worth not talking to your son or daughter for years?

Did you let your ego get in the way of your relationship?

If no one knows, do you really think it won’t affect them?

While you are spending time keeping secrets over here, what are you missing out on over there?

While you are hiding secrets when you are home, do you really think you’re present?

You aren’t.

You are throwing away time.

You are the rich guy that burns his money to keep warm. Sound ridiculous?

It is! But so are you!

Time is MUCH more valuable than money!  

I understand you need to have some self-awareness to answer these questions honestly. Chances are if you can’t reflect at this point and see where you have been wasting time, even if it is just a little, you may never get it. That’s sad. Because you will eventually. It may be because your life blows up in your face (like me) or because you find yourself at the end of your life and you will realize how much of it you wasted.

And there will be nothing you can do about it.

So what do you do? You focus on the things you CAN control.

You can’t control yesterday, but you can control today, tomorrow, and every day after that. In fact, your tomorrow will be determined by what you do today. Can you wallow around in pity about yesterday? You can, but you would be wasting today, and messing up tomorrow. There are changes that need to be made and putting them off is not going to solve shit. Get up now, and do it now. The things you can’t control need to be left behind so you can spend your energies on the things you can. Let go of the small things, they hinder the attack on the big things.  

My time away haunts me every single day.

My stupid actions haunt me every single day.

But the clarity they give about what I am doing, who I am, and what I am doing every single day as I grind to create a new life is priceless. I am working 10x harder than I ever have in my life, on 10x the amount of things. I know my Twitter and Instagram look like a cluster F now, but it’s me, and it’s everything I am doing. Blogging, writing, music, marketing, designing, etc. It’s a lot, but it’s me, it’s my time, and I am not wasting a second of it.

It is all coming together, and all because of my: Accidental Stoic Lesson #1 – Time Is Brief

Joey

Snapchat: JustOneJoey