Be Your Own Victory Story

Hello?

Are you there?

Of course you are.

You Are Still Here

Have you ever had a bad day?

Ever been devastated?

Think back on the three worst days of your life. I am sure there were points during that day when you saw absolutely no way out. As much as you tried to see the positive, tried to gather some meaning from whatever you were going through, you just couldn’t see it. You were in a dark place. Pitch black. No way out.

But you are still here.

As much as it felt like it would never come, you made it to the next day. You felt like you were going to die, but you opened your eyes, and it was a new day. The sun was up. The stars were gone. And you were still here.

You Are The Victory

We like to look to others for motivation.

“If they can do it, I can do it!”

What we need to realize is our own stories should be all the motivation we need. All the positive we need when we are trying to pull ourselves out of the darkness.

Why?

Because you have already done it. In fact, you have done it over and over, yet you still doubt your strength and resilience when the next issue arises.

You ARE the victory. You ARE the story you should be telling yourself. The one that picks you up when you are down.

Why?

Because you CAN do it.

How do I know?

Because you ALWAYS do it.

As long as you keep pushing, keep fighting, and keep grinding, the darkness will break way to light. It always does. As long as you keep digging, you will get there. The same way you did it last time, the time before that, and most importantly, the next time.

Remember

The next time you feel down. The next time you are having a bad day and can’t see the silver lining, remember who you are. Remember what you have been through. How you have persevered. How you have gone from darkness to light when there was no hope. No one else did that for you, you did that yourself. It was your will, your heart, and your strength that pulled you out. You don’t need the motivations of anyone else, you have it all within yourself.

I would tell you to be the victory, but you already are. You just need to recognize it.

Take a look.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Joey

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The Best Piece Of Advice For Anyone, Ever

This may be the most important thing you ever read from me.

This may be the defining moment in your life where everything starts to turn around.

Maybe it was good before. Well, it’s going to be GREAT now.

I will be considered a genius.

Or I would have been, if I came up with this on my own.

But I didn’t.

What I did do is hear virtually the same thing from three different places, and they are all equally powerful. You can decide which origin works best for you. If you want to use me, I am okay with that too.

So what is this end-all-be-all pieces of advice?

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” — Matthew 5:37 (that’s in the Bible by the way. I want to make sure we are all on the same page.)

Not a churchgoer?

How about,

“If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no.” — James Altucher (@jaltucher)

Want more flash? More pizazz?

“If it’s not a fuck yes, it’s a no” — Derek Sivers (@sivers)

They all work the same, they are all equally powerful. You pick which one sinks in the most.

How It Works

This basically comes down to commitment.

You are either in or out. The times we find ourselves in trouble are when we are in the middle. We say “yes”, but there is a lot of “no.” Or we say “no,” but we leave some room for “yes.”

This can be applied to anything!!! Jobs, assignments, relationships, tasks, chores, and most importantly, things that can get your ass in trouble!

How many times have you been in trouble for something you knew you shouldn’t be doing in the first place? Let me guess, every time you have ever been in trouble? EVER? Why don’t we listen to our guts? They let us know when things are not right. Do we discount them because we can’t process exactly what the bad feeling is? Everyone else is doing it so I must be weird or whatever else we tell ourselves. We say yes, but we mean no.

How about the times when we say no, because we know it is bad, but we don’t definitively slam the door? Guess what? 99.9% closed is still .01% open. Guess what happens with that little itty bitty opening? Soon it’s 5%, then 12%, then it’s wide the F*** open and you don’t even know what happened.

I do.

Your “no” wasn’t “no” enough. You didn’t slam that door. Were you trying to be nice? Trying to not make the situation worse? Trying not to hurt feelings? Why did you leave the door open? Now look at you. Idiot.

This can happen in ALL situations, ALL walks of life: cheating, stealing, drugs, alcohol, drink driving, violence, etc. I guarantee in EVERY SINGLE ONE of these situations, there was a no, but too much yes (and by too much, I mean any), the door flung open, and you found yourself in a total mess.

Tell me I’m wrong!

That’s what I thought.

I hate being right, but I know I am. Why? Because my “no” wasn’t “no” enough. I realized that too late.

When You Say No To Others, You Say Yes To Yourself

Holy crap. This is a big time blog today. You are getting all kinds of good stuff. See what happens when you listen to someone who has messed up and learned? I’ve been there, and I got out. I do this to show you that you can too.

When you focus on what you truly want to do, there are going to be “no’s.” There have to be, because you need time for your “yes’s.” Don’t worry about missing out on things. Don’t worry about the money you could have made, you are happier, there will be other opportunities because you are focusing on what you REALLY want to do, not what you think you have to do, not what someone else wants you to do.

When you learn to: listen to, love, and know yourself, you can do this easily. That doesn’t mean make drastic decisions. You may need to sit on an idea for a couple of days to know if it is truly a “hell yes” or not. One thing you will know, is don’t commit to it when it looks like a “no.” That will only make you miserable, or worse, get your stupid, non-listening, ass in trouble.

Can you see how valuable this is?

Think back to every single mistake you have ever made in your life. There was a lot of gray in the decision making wasn’t there?

Now think to everything that was a “hell yes” or a “hell no” (substitute the “hell” for “F” if that is what works better for you). You either did something that you loved, or you avoided a disaster, but you were better for it. Now apply that to everything in your life.

Some Potential Issues

If you don’t know yourself well enough, and even when your decisions are definitive they mess you up, then you need help. Not in a mean way, in a, ”Please get help” sort of way. Or, if you can look at the things you really want to do, you are an absolute “hell yes” but all of those decisions are stupid, like: cheating, hurting, stealing, dealing, abandoning kids, spouses, not paying bills, etc. then you need help as well. Just being honest. Like anything else, there are upsides and downsides. We need to learn about ourselves before we can move forward in life. Give yourself a chance. Self-reflection is key.

Apply It ASAP

Start this today. Just for practice, look at your day today. What are you “hell yes” about and what are you “hell no” about? Hopefully you have more “yes” than “no.” Don’t get down if it doesn’t look so hot, realization is the first step. Then audit the shit out of your day.

This life is a constant evolution. Always be refining yourself, getting better every day, living smarter, appreciating more, being a better person, a healthier person. We have something beautiful at our fingertips. Hold on to it instead of letting it slip away.

Joey

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The Accidental Stoic Pt. 3 - Live A Life Of Character

(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcome Adversity, Live A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there! 

I find the best way to allow yourself permission to be teachable is either acknowledging the desire and need to learn or finding yourself in stories about other people and applying it to your own life.

3. Live A Life Of Character:

• Recognize the power of your gestures.
• Do not compromise.
• Practice: humility, honesty, and awareness.
• Think about your thinking.
• Learn from others’ experiences.
• What do you spend most of your time on? Is it important?
• Be steadfast, strong, in control, and always learning.

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” (Mat. 5:37)

This one was a bitch slap right in my face ………

If Mike Tyson was the one bitch slapping me ……

In 1988.

Not 1988 me, 1988 him.

(Why would Iron Mike bitch slap and 8-year-old?)

Yeah.

Ouch.

We all think we are good people.

If we didn’t we would change, right?

What we fail to recognize is it really doesn’t matter if you are a good person, if you do bad things. Barry Bonds is the greatest hitter of all times, but if he didn’t get a hit what would he be? Exactly, a should-have-been. That’s what we do to ourselves when we don’t live a life of character. We are should-have-beens.

They are great, but.

Without character, you are a “but” head. Just imagine Biff Tannen walking around with you all day:

“What are you doing butthead?”

“You sure you want to do that butthead?”

“Are you thinking about your family butthead?

“Are you thinking about your legacy butthead?

We operate in the shadows. If people don’t see it, it doesn’t count, right? That’s a negative Ghost Rider. It counts even more, because it means you are lacking character. You are a phony. You are a fake. You present one thing, you say one thing, then you turn around and do another. You are like a famous comedian that preaches family values, goes after other comedians publicly, then gives chicks drugs and humps them. Are those family values? We have an emergency Dr. Huxtable!

If no one knows, does it count?

If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?

The answer is: FUCK YES IT DOES!!

You think it is all about you? If YOU didn’t see it? If YOU didn’t hear it? Whether you see it happen or not, the repercussions of a fallen tree will still be there: a shattered trunk, crushed trees around it, years of growth and stability gone, homes of little woodland creatures destroyed. Poor squirrels.

And what do you say? But I didn’t see it. Maybe it didn’t happen.

Go fuck yourself you jerk-off.

I am a good person. Really I am. I care about people. I hate when I hurt people’s feelings. I love my wife. I love my daughters. I love all my friends and family. But if a tree falls in the woods ……..

We spin the shitty situations we put ourselves in so we don’t have to feel bad.

If we held a mirror up to our actions, or if we let other people see the stupid shit we are doing, we would puke. Instead, we tell ourselves it’s not that bad. We don’t tell anyone the bullshit we are doing, and we keep doing it. Better than feeling bad, right? Why bring yourself down? That’s no fun.

Bring yourself down.

Trust me.

There is an unbelievable freedom in living a life of character. No secrets? The feeling of knowing you are doing everything the right way? Not just by your biased standards, but by those around you? Holy shit. It is amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It’s freedom. It’s freedom within the freedom. Like uber freedom!! (not the app).

We all have freedom to do pretty much whatever we want. Most people choose poorly: they eat like shit, work like shit, fill their minds with shit like bad TV, bullshit web searching, porn, treating their bodies bad, and treating their relationships bad. We have all the freedom in the world, and we shackle ourselves with the decisions we make EVERY SINGLE DAY.

There are a lot of losers out there.

You may be one of them.

Are you?

I was.

You may think I am still one, but I don’t care, because I know I’m not. Why? How? Because I live a life of character. I have no secrets, I do everything with integrity, I audit my time and my interactions with people both personally and professionally, and I am grateful for everything I have. I am cool. Joe Cool. Or Joey Cool (don’t want to piss off Snoopy).

You need to audit yourself consistently to make sure you are living a life of character. Check all the time. We are creatures of habit, creatures of conditioning. You can condition yourself right in to and right out of just about anything, good or bad. If you don’t audit, you could be going off in a direction you wouldn’t or shouldn’t. Reflection is key. Evaluate perspectives. Adjust. Tweak. Get better. Be better. Consistently.

If things in your life are not the way you want, or envisioned, audit. Audit everything! Don’t have the marriage you want? Audit yourself. Messed up kids? Audit yourself. Not enough time in the day? Audit.

Not enough money? Audit! Fix you, then you can fix IT.

You may need to really sit down and evaluate who you are. You may not know. I didn’t. My wife was the first relationship that allowed me to be me. The problem was, I didn’t know who I was. I always thought relationships were the ebb and flow of who you are to keep the peace. What if you could be 100% all the time? Holy shit. New concept. Maybe that’s why they say good relationships are easy. You can just be you. That’s seems pretty easy. But what if you don’t know who you are? What if part of you is an asshole? Then you need to fix it. Audit yourself.

Once you audit, you NEVER compromise. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. When you leave a crack in the door, it’s much easier to blow right open. If you close it all the way, it stays shut. That’s where I really messed up. My no’s ended up being maybes because I left the door slightly open. I didn’t slam it shut when I should have, and it became a yes. It slowly opens, a little wider, then a little bit more, then all of a sudden, shit, it’s open, it’s a yes. Damnit. But I’m a good person! Well, not right now you aren’t.

Actions speak louder than words.

How do you live a life of character?              

I’m glad you asked.

Do what is in the best interest of you (the good you, not the selfish dickhead you), do what is best for

your family, do what is best for your friends, your company, your clients, the random person walking down the street. That’s character. That’s integrity. NEVER compromise. You will be better for it. Your loved ones will be better for it. Everything will be better! Your LIFE will be better. You can walk around with your head held high because the sunlight feels so damn good!

Shadows are cold.

Darkness is lonely.

Step out and let the rays of light warm you, energize you, and show you what the world can be, and should be.

I wish I had this knowledge 20 years ago. Instead, I learned it the hard way. You don’t have to have the same regrets I do. You can learn from my mistakes, my experiences. Change is good. Live A Life Of

Character.

Joey

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The Internet, Marriage, and Slavery

I was listening to a Gary Vaynerchuck (@TheAskGaryVeeBook), folding laundry a room away from the most amazing woman I have ever met, my wife, and it hit me: the world, the perfect marriage and freed slaves are exactly the same.

I know what you’re thinking, who hasn’t thought that?

Follow me anyways smarty pants.

This is the greatest time to be alive in the history of times to be alive.

We are in it.

This is why.  

1. We have access to every single bit of information we would ever need to do anything we ever wanted.
2. We have the freedom to take that information and do whatever we want.
3. We can be whomever want, however we want, wherever we want.  

Sounds pretty damn good, huh?

We have never had as much freedom as we do now. Ever.

We are free, and I mean FREE!

We have been told amazing stories of freedom our entire lives. Breaking the chains. Perseverance. Grit. Tenacity. They are so empowering. They make us feel that we can do anything.

We have been fighting for freedom our entire lives.

Year after year, decade and decade, pushing for more.

The fight is over.

The day has finally come.

We are free at last!! We did it!!!

We have the freedom we have always wanted.

Realistically, the only thing stopping you from doing anything and everything today is access to the internet.

That’s it.

Everything you need as far as information is right there. You can choose to take it or not, but you cannot deny it’s there.

Everything we have been fighting for has come to fruition.

We should celebrate!! Where’s the Champaign? Break out the good stuff!! The Barefoot!!!

And what are we doing with it?

All the freedom we could have every asked for?

All the freedom in the world (especially in the US).

We decided to give it back.

It is right there for the taking, and we are GIVING. IT. BACK.

Why in the hell would anyone do that?

Becuase,

We have no idea who the hell we are.

We have no idea what we are capable of.

And it is just easier to follow, be told what to do, and smile.

It is just like January 1st, 1863.

We have just been freed from slavery (I am a white male, please stay with me here).

Our shackles have been removed.

The gate is wide open.

The entire world is right in front of us.

And we turn around.

We pick up a shovel.

And we choose to stay.

We are not slaves anymore, we are worse.

We are indentured servants.

We have been given freedom and we are choosing to have a master. Choosing the chains. Choosing a life that someone else controls, someone else dictates.

We have no idea what we are capable of, and I don’t know if we even care.

We all want freedom, it’s what we have been chanting for centuries. It’s what we are chanting right now in 2016 in the election. Freedom from debt, freedom for the shrinking middle class, freedom from college loans, freedom from big government, freedom from small government, whatever.

Freedom.

But what does that mean? Freedom. How can “you” be free if you don’t know who “you” are?

Here is a little story.

My relationship with my wife is amazing.

She is loving, caring, thoughtful, smart, and wise.

She believes in me and has believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.

She allows me to be Me. The real Me. Not the Me I think she wants me to be. Not the Me I think other people want me to be. The real me. This was liberating. This was unlike anything I had ever experienced.

There was only one downside, I had no idea who the hell the real me was. I never really asked myself,

“Who am I?”

I knew I liked music. I liked sports. I was funny. Sometimes I was smart, sometimes I was stupid. That

was pretty much it. I was nice? I guess. That’s about as far as it went.

There were certain things I wouldn’t do or say around certain friends. There were certain things I wouldn’t say to ex-girlfriends. Things I wouldn’t say or do at work, etc. I was a constant ebb and flow of Me throughout my day, my week, and consequently my life.

I never allowed myself the chance to sit down and figure “me” out. I never even thought about it. I would do things and say to myself, “why in the hell did I do that? That is not even something I really want to do.”

Because I didn’t know myself, I mean really know myself, I could be swayed.

You know people who do that. “I would never!!!” either right before or right after they did something just like it.

My whole life was a path that I was on. I never even asked if I wanted to be on it. School, college, work, wife, etc. I was on it. There weren’t any questions to ask. Where you going? That way!

But really, when you do not have a solid understanding of you, what your purpose is, what your goals are; if you have no destination, then what does it matter what road you’re on? Are you even on a road really? If feels like it, but really….

“Where we goin’?”

“Who knows? I’m just gonna keep drivin’!”

“Right on!”

That’s what we do.

We have access to everything and (as a whole) we choose to do nothing. We have jobs where we just want people to tell us what to do then we get upset when that job goes to someone else who will just do what they are told for less money. You’re good at taking directions? So are computers. Your job is only going to be around long enough to get the program developed. Then it’s adios Gladys time!

We want paths. We want the college, job, marriage, retirement, death path to be there. That is, after all, how things get done, right? That’s what life is. We don’t want to think about what we do, we just want to do. We say we don’t, but it is all around us. We smoke our whole lives then get mad at big tobacco for selling a stick on fire that is not good for us when we inhale the smoke. “They should have told me!!!” We eat like shit our whole lives then are mad when we don’t have the right medical coverage to pay for our diabetes medication. “How could they!!?!” How could you?

When we are free to do what we want we put the chains right back on.

Freedom for anything we want to eat? We are fatter than ever.

Freedom to watch anything we want on TV? One word, Kardashians.

Freedom to learn anything we want, anytime? US students are ranked at the bottom. “But that’s the teachers’ fault!!!” See, you are doing it already. Teach your damn kids something!! You are free!!! Use it.

Make them put down their iLifes and turn off the TV where you are watching bullshit all night every night.

Everything you do and have is a choice that you have made. You blame every one else because you don't want to admit that YOU are the asshole.

We have so much freedom and we just give it away.

Shit? Where is my shovel?

Let me turn my brain off so I don’t have to go through the trouble of actually thinking.

Mr. Trump, what should I be worried about? Muslims, my job, and Mexicans. Got it. I haven’t actually ever had any issues with Muslims, but I did watch 9/11 on TV, so I should be mad, you are right. I will worry about my job too. I will only put in a half ass effort and not see the writing on the wall when my skills were becoming more and more obsolete, but I still won’t do anything. Make my skills useful again Mr. Trump!!

We are idiots.

All of us. Right Wing, Left Wing, Chicken Wing. Everyone.

Stop looking elsewhere for your power. You have EVERYTHING at your fingertips. Knowledge, health, jobs, opportunities. They are just sitting there!! Stop binge watching, binge drinking, and binge eating.

Start binge doing.

As soon as you start looking to someone or something else to provide for you, you are picking up that shovel, turning around, and staying.

You are telling everyone, “I would rather be a slave thank you very much.”

Go for it.

I would rather use my freedom.

It looks like it’s time for you to go back in the yard, be told you can’t do it yourself, and believe it.

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