Just One Joey: stoicism

Showing posts with label stoicism. Show all posts

Friday, September 23, 2016

The Accidental Stoic Pt. 5 - Practice Misfortune

(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcome Adversity, Live A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there!

I find the best way to allow yourself permission to be teachable is either acknowledging the desire and need to learn or finding yourself in stories about other people and applying it to your own life.

1. Practice Misfortune:

Poverty.

Little food.

Poor Clothing.

No comforts of home.

Become face to face with want.

Realize you can handle more than you thought.

Anxiety and fear are rooted in uncertainty. Show yourself that you can deal with the unknown.

This is the stoic practice that jumped out at me the most. Practicing misfortune is what started the whole idea of this Accidental Stoic series. I am not sure if anything addresses misfortune, at least in this sense, better than a tiny cell in a 150 year old prison (with another person).

Poverty? I had no money. I refused to have my wife put anything on “my books” other than for necessities. I wanted to feel every ounce of my punishment. I knew it would make me better and stronger on the other end. I didn’t want to try and mask the emotional turmoil I was in with Top Ramen, canned sausages, and chips like all the other idiots around me. I wanted the cement and bars in my veins. I wanted them to harden my heart so I would get out of there and be a machine. Concrete and steel. No more fucking around.

Even when I got to Soledad and got a job, I made $0.09 an hour. Just enough for toothpaste, floss, and deodorant at the commissary once a month.

They don’t serve you much food. I was hungry all the time. My first day out I went to In N Out and couldn’t even finish a hamburger. I got full too fast. This was a single burger too. No double-double or anything. That’s how much my stomach had shrunk.

Now I fast once a quarter, 5 days at a time, for physical and mental health reasons. On top of that there are a lot of advantages to not being a slave to your stomach.

Poor clothing? You mean my set of blues for chow and my basketball shorts and white t-shirt for everything else? Or my PIA issued converse-style sneakers? Yeah. Poor clothing, check!

No comforts of home? That’s easy, wasn’t home. No family. No friends. Nothing. 10 minutes phone calls at the end of the day, if the phones were working, if they decided to give us yard, that’s it.

All I wanted to do was be home. See my wife and daughter. BBQ with my parents. Go to my in-laws on Sundays. That’s it. Get home, show everyone that this will not defeat me, and that I will be better than ever. That is something I still think about every day. Show everyone that no matter how fucked you are, you can pull yourself out. I want that for my daughter more than anything. Show her that you only lose if you give up.

I never thought I would have made it through prison. Why would I? There are people that wanted me there because they didn’t think I would make it either. But I did, and I did it well. I’m not afraid of going back. I can do prison. That is not something I am proud of, but it’s something I know I can do.

If I can deal with prison, and all the crazy shit that happens there, what can’t I handle out here?

Exactly. Absolutely nothing.

That’s what happens to people after traumatic events. Wars, attacks, tornadoes, hurricanes. They catch a glimpse of their true strength, the types of things they can make it through, and it’s a power surge.

That’s the real reason the Greatest Generation is the greatest generation, they were tested. Mentally, physically, emotionally, everything. Basically a whole generation of men and women had to go to war, had to deal with war. If you made it back, after seeing what you saw, after doing what you did, what the hell can compare back in real life? Absolutely nothing.

Look at really great people. I mean REALLY great. They all had to make it through something. The greatest people of our generation had to deal with something traumatic that allowed them to tap in to their potential, their strength, and their greatness. None of them would be who they are without it.

This was my trauma.

This was my insight.

This is what I can compare every difficult thing to for the rest of my life.

Nothing will be as bad as San Quentin, and I was able to go through that at 34. That gives me about

50 years of ammo.

Wish I could have gotten that insight on purpose.

But accidents aren’t always bad.

The Accidental Stoic Pt. 4 - Develop Self-Awareness

(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

4. Develop Self-Awareness:

Overcome destructive emotions.

Recognize that all emotions come from within.

Life after failure: With no failure there is no growth.

Do not place blame outside yourself.

Remember how small you are.

I honestly don’t know how to develop this on purpose. It’s the epitome of accident.

We are horrible judges of ourselves.

We are our best advocates, our worst critics, we go on the defensive when criticized by others, we fail to see our own weaknesses. Basically, we are a mess.

How many of us know exactly what we need to change, and just don’t do it? We know the next step, the best course of action, the thing we are supposed to do, the thing we are not supposed to do, but we just don’t. We make excuses, we distance ourselves from the situations, from it’s reality, and we don’t change.

A huge benefit to messing up is the (lethal) dose of reality.

It’s like chemotherapy in the 1960s. Reality can kill you. Even if it doesn’t it will bring you close enough to feel like it. If you are lucky enough that it doesn’t, you are good as new, maybe even better.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

The idea that you can be better than ever is what keeps you pushing through. I remember sitting in my cell, hell, sitting at home, before I ever got to San Quentin, and knowing, this will never happen again. I will never be that person again. Not just a cheating piece of shit, but any of the negative things. I was going to be a machine.

It was like a self-awareness atom bomb. I audited my whole life. Where could I be better? What should I stop doing? What should I do more of? How can I get better? Audit, audit, audit.

I became consumed with self-awareness. Granted, in the darker days, it was not great. I was so self-aware of my past that I was not functioning well in the present. But I got passed it, and focused on the present and future.

That drive, that hatred of my former self is inevitably going to make me better than I was before.

Failure is not an option, learning is growing, complaining will get you nothing, believe in yourself, blah blah blah. It flipped a switch. I had to consistently check myself, audit my thoughts, behavior, my whole day from the time I got up to the time I went to bed, Monday through Sunday, 365. There was 5% better somewhere, 3% somewhere, I just needed to find it.

I honestly don’t know how I would have been able to have this focus and insight without the failure.

Everything became so obvious. The heat from the blast melted down everything to it’s core, it’s truth. Everything was looking me in the eye. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

It allowed me to realize that I am the center of all of my issues. There is no one to blame but me. No one can make me angry, no one can make me happy. I choose to do good or bad. I choose to work better and smarter, or I don’t. I am the master of my emotions, my thinking, my body, and my decisions. That means doing things that help with physical as well as mental health: meditation, sleep, healthy eating, fitness, reading, etc. Practicing positive self-talk. Constantly refining and adjusting to be more effective, more efficient, striving to get better and better.

Because I was able to see my weaknesses, I could reinforce the areas that needed it.

Another thing I realized through introspection is that we are small.

No one wants to think things will function without them. Work, family, friends, anything. But the truth is things will function without you. Why? Because they have to.

Everyone talks about the greatest generation, the pain tolerance of women, all these things that one group can do that the other can’t. It’s all bullshit. No one really knows what they are capable of until they have to do it. If men gave birth, men would give birth and women would have the lower pain tolerance. That’s not the way it is, but there is not much of an option either.

Some of the best stories in history, war stories, come from men and women that were put in situations we couldn’t even imagine, and they survived to tell their story. Were they heroic? Of course. Were they superhuman? Spawned from a tougher generation? No. They were put in a situation where they either lived or died. They lived. I am sure if they had a choice, they never would have been there in the first place. But once you’re there, you either fight or lie down. That could be you. It could be me.

We don’t know. We have never been tested like that.

We can all be just as good and just as bad as the next person. There are moments where we are great.

There are moments where we are weak.

It is a blessing to be humbled. To feel weak. To be a loser. To be a piece of shit. It allows you to evaluate yourself honestly, the hardest thing for humans to do.

Self-awareness requires effort and honesty.

Unless you put yourself in a situation where you find it accidentally.

Friday, May 13, 2016

The Accidental Stoic Pt. 3 - Live A Life Of Character

(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

3. Live A Life Of Character:

Recognize the power of your gestures.
Do not compromise.
Practice: humility, honesty, and awareness.
Think about your thinking.
Learn from others’ experiences.
What do you spend most of your time on? Is it important?
Be steadfast, strong, in control, and always learning.

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” (Mat. 5:37)

This one was a bitch slap right in my face ………

If Mike Tyson was the one bitch slapping me ……

In 1988.

Not 1988 me, 1988 him.

(Why would Iron Mike bitch slap and 8-year-old?)

Yeah.

Ouch.

We all think we are good people.

If we didn’t we would change, right?

What we fail to recognize is it really doesn’t matter if you are a good person, if you do bad things. Barry Bonds is the greatest hitter of all times, but if he didn’t get a hit what would he be? Exactly, a should-have-been. That’s what we do to ourselves when we don’t live a life of character. We are should-have-beens.

They are great, but.

Without character, you are a “but” head. Just imagine Biff Tannen walking around with you all day:

“What are you doing butthead?”

“You sure you want to do that butthead?”

“Are you thinking about your family butthead?

“Are you thinking about your legacy butthead?

We operate in the shadows. If people don’t see it, it doesn’t count, right? That’s a negative Ghost Rider. It counts even more, because it means you are lacking character. You are a phony. You are a fake. You present one thing, you say one thing, then you turn around and do another. You are like a famous comedian that preaches family values, goes after other comedians publicly, then gives chicks drugs and humps them. Are those family values? We have an emergency Dr. Huxtable!

If no one knows, does it count?

If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?

The answer is: FUCK YES IT DOES!!

You think it is all about you? If YOU didn’t see it? If YOU didn’t hear it? Whether you see it happen or not, the repercussions of a fallen tree will still be there: a shattered trunk, crushed trees around it, years of growth and stability gone, homes of little woodland creatures destroyed. Poor squirrels.

And what do you say? But I didn’t see it. Maybe it didn’t happen.

Go fuck yourself you jerk-off.

I am a good person. Really I am. I care about people. I hate when I hurt people’s feelings. I love my wife. I love my daughters. I love all my friends and family. But if a tree falls in the woods ……..

We spin the shitty situations we put ourselves in so we don’t have to feel bad.

If we held a mirror up to our actions, or if we let other people see the stupid shit we are doing, we would puke. Instead, we tell ourselves it’s not that bad. We don’t tell anyone the bullshit we are doing, and we keep doing it. Better than feeling bad, right? Why bring yourself down? That’s no fun.

Bring yourself down.

Trust me.

There is an unbelievable freedom in living a life of character. No secrets? The feeling of knowing you are doing everything the right way? Not just by your biased standards, but by those around you? Holy shit. It is amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! It’s freedom. It’s freedom within the freedom. Like uber freedom!! (not the app).

We all have freedom to do pretty much whatever we want. Most people choose poorly: they eat like shit, work like shit, fill their minds with shit like bad TV, bullshit web searching, porn, treating their bodies bad, and treating their relationships bad. We have all the freedom in the world, and we shackle ourselves with the decisions we make EVERY SINGLE DAY.

There are a lot of losers out there.

You may be one of them.

Are you?

I was.

You may think I am still one, but I don’t care, because I know I’m not. Why? How? Because I live a life of character. I have no secrets, I do everything with integrity, I audit my time and my interactions with people both personally and professionally, and I am grateful for everything I have. I am cool. Joe Cool. Or Joey Cool (don’t want to piss off Snoopy).

You need to audit yourself consistently to make sure you are living a life of character. Check all the time. We are creatures of habit, creatures of conditioning. You can condition yourself right in to and right out of just about anything, good or bad. If you don’t audit, you could be going off in a direction you wouldn’t or shouldn’t. Reflection is key. Evaluate perspectives. Adjust. Tweak. Get better. Be better. Consistently.

If things in your life are not the way you want, or envisioned, audit. Audit everything! Don’t have the marriage you want? Audit yourself. Messed up kids? Audit yourself. Not enough time in the day? Audit.

Not enough money? Audit! Fix you, then you can fix IT.

You may need to really sit down and evaluate who you are. You may not know. I didn’t. My wife was the first relationship that allowed me to be me. The problem was, I didn’t know who I was. I always thought relationships were the ebb and flow of who you are to keep the peace. What if you could be 100% all the time? Holy shit. New concept. Maybe that’s why they say good relationships are easy. You can just be you. That’s seems pretty easy. But what if you don’t know who you are? What if part of you is an asshole? Then you need to fix it. Audit yourself.

Once you audit, you NEVER compromise. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. When you leave a crack in the door, it’s much easier to blow right open. If you close it all the way, it stays shut. That’s where I really messed up. My no’s ended up being maybes because I left the door slightly open. I didn’t slam it shut when I should have, and it became a yes. It slowly opens, a little wider, then a little bit more, then all of a sudden, shit, it’s open, it’s a yes. Damnit. But I’m a good person! Well, not right now you aren’t.

Actions speak louder than words.

How do you live a life of character?

I’m glad you asked.

Do what is in the best interest of you (the good you, not the selfish dickhead you), do what is best for

your family, do what is best for your friends, your company, your clients, the random person walking down the street. That’s character. That’s integrity. NEVER compromise. You will be better for it. Your loved ones will be better for it. Everything will be better! Your LIFE will be better. You can walk around with your head held high because the sunlight feels so damn good!

Shadows are cold.

Darkness is lonely.

Step out and let the rays of light warm you, energize you, and show you what the world can be, and should be.

I wish I had this knowledge 20 years ago. Instead, I learned it the hard way. You don’t have to have the same regrets I do. You can learn from my mistakes, my experiences. Change is good. Live A Life Of

Character.

Snapchat: JustOneJoey

Thursday, May 12, 2016

The Accidental Stoic Pt. 2 - Overcome Adversity

(If you have already read one of the other parts, you can skip the intro. I wanted to make sure all readers had the background no matter which lesson they were starting on. Enjoy!).

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcome Adversity, Living A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there!

2. Overcome Adversity:

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius

“Choose not to be harmed, and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed and you haven’t been.” – Marcus Aurelius

“Life is reactions. How you react to any and every situation will determine your place in life. Nothing can beat you if you don’t let it. The only way to lose is to give up or give in.” - Me!

Use pain as a teacher
Pain and difficulty build endurance and self-control
Fear nothing, you can only be scared if you allow fear in.
Walk out the door in the morning knowing that the world is unpredictable.
Take the negative and use it for calm and perspective.
Do not run from obstacles

Raise your hand if you have had some diversity in your life?

Ok. Good. That’s about everyone.

The person who didn’t raise their hand wasn’t listening. On their phone, of course.

So now that we know we are all on the same page, let’s get right in to this.

I would bet that you are where you are in life because you encountered a few obstacles along your journey.

Did you go through them?

Over them?

Under them?

Or did you turn around because the obstacle was too big?

Or at least you thought it was too big?

I believe the variable that determines success and failure is the ability to handle adversity, to overcome obstacles. The funny thing about obstacles is no matter what they are, they all feel HUGE. You are lost, you feel out of control, you question everything that got you in to that situation, you are scrambling for answers, solutions, anything. Then you either fight, or “flight.” What’s amazing is, no matter what obstacle you have faced in your life, you are here, today, reading this article, by a guy, who is also still here, after facing his obstacles. We did it! *golf clap

If we learned from those situations, those obstacles, that adversity, we are better now because of them, in some cases a lot. I am 10x the person I was before going to prison. When I walk around now, I feel like an f’ing machine. Unstoppable. Why? Because I have already been through something unbelievably traumatic (or maybe it is believable), my own complete failure and the consequences of it. I broke my own heart in to pieces and I will never let that happen again. I am constantly conditioning myself through work, nutrition, and physical activity to crush today, and annihilate tomorrow. I don’t even see obstacles any more. Why? Because I lived through: my career being destroyed, my mistake being plastered everywhere, total and utter embarrassment, having to live with my mistakes and look at my wife and daughter every day reminding me of what a sack of shit I was, and oh yeah, the hell of San Quentin. Are there a lot of people in worse situations, hell yes. A lot in better situations? Hell yes. But they were my obstacles, and all of us are stronger on the other side, no matter what we dealt with.

Once you know you can get through something, you know you can get through anything. The skill is getting in to that mode as soon as that obstacle surfaces. Don’t waste any time crying or complaining. You can’t wash away an obstacle with your tears. You can’t complain your way through a wall. You hit it, and you hit it hard. The faster you get in to that mode, the better.

Stoic philosophy stresses putting yourself in to situations where you are scared, insecure, uncomfortable, or taking the hard way, and then using those situations to show you can get through anything. This practice allows you to recognize your strength, so you can see, first-hand, your capabilities, which are enormous! Humans are amazing!! You are amazing!! Give yourself the chance to show you you can do it (a little clunky, but you know what I mean). The more obstacles you overcome, the more confident you will be in yourself to attack next one, get past it, and move on.

I know we have all learned something from our mistakes, something from the adversities we have faced. I am realistic enough to know that there are people who don’t learn shit about shit, but they probably aren’t reading this anyways. Why would they? Their either blame someone else, or run away (most likely saying they didn’t really care anyways. I’m calling bullshit).

If you put the fault of your situation on anyone but you, you a will consistently find yourself losing. Some adversity will be your individual issues, some societal. Who cares where the adversity comes from? You still need to get past it. Take the power, don’t hand it over. Stop being a pussy and fight. (A pussy cat by the way. No offense ladies!).

Job market? Just an obstacle. Figure it out, learn more, strategize, what are your strengths? Build on those. Monetize your skill-set.

Racism? It’s been around for a million years. Figure it out. If you are Black or Latino you will face racism. Duh. Your grandparents did and so did their grandparents, and it was much worse than anything you will face today. You should be able handle something you expect to happen in some capacity anyways. Focus on being great at what you do and it will work out. Choose victor, not victim. (I have a black wife by the way. Not sure if that matters, but I figured this point was a reasonable place to add that little tidbit to the article).

No money? Learn, practice, out-think it. Figure it out. Some of the greatest companies started with jack shit. If anyone can make it with no money everyone can make it with no money. Get your big boy pants on, stop making excuses.

Ex-Con? Hard time finding people to believe in you? Stop being a bitch and rewrite the narrative, out-think it, out work it, focus on the long game. Figure it out. There are 400 million people that speak English in the world. Who gives a shit if a handful of people don’t like you, or won’t give you a chance? 400 million!!! (That last one is me by the way. In case that wasn’t clear).

Kind of a side not: You ever hear people describe a situation as “ruining our lives”? Don’t get me wrong, there are some F’D situations: car accidents, murders, etc. But there are so many people that apply that same description to something small, and blame it for whatever situation they are in. Those people are called losers. Learn to recognize them, and stay away. Unless you are one, then fix it!

Every obstacle is an opportunity to make yourself better. EVERY DAMN ONE. They make you smarter, stronger, more resilient, etc. But you have to allow them, and you have to recognize those opportunities. The goal of practicing difficulty and adversity is to eliminate the idea of obstacles all together. What if you encountered an obstacle and didn’t even see it? You just pivoted, and overcame it? Walking through walls. Bullets bouncing off your chest. Becoming Superman, or Superwoman, or SuperWhatverYouIdentifyAs. You don’t need the blue tights and the cape, unless you are in to that thing. You just need your heart, your mind, and your guts. Hoorah!

You have been through a lot in your life. Guess what? You are going to be going through a lot more before this wonderful journey is over with. Be prepared. Be teachable. Be bulletproof. Let people look at you crazy as you maneuver as if nothing is wrong. You can walk by the problem as if you didn’t see it, because you shouldn’t anyways. It‘s just an opportunity for greatness, for learning. Show the world how to do it. You can be THAT person.

Either take your past and use it as fuel, or start making yourself uncomfortable, start showing yourself you can do things you never thought possible. You have no idea what you are capable of!

I consistently made it over obstacles I never thought I would see the other side of, and it started changing me.

How in the hell am I going to make it through prison? I am not the toughest guy (just being honest). I was terrified waiting in county, waiting for my “ticket” up. (To be honest I wasn’t scared about prison before the sentencing, only because everyone and their mom said there was no way I would get prison time, most likely house arrest. They were massively wrong, obviously. But I am better because of it. I made that obstacle my bitch). I was scared every single day I was in San Quentin. Every. Day. Somewhere in the back of my mind, 24-7. I was devastated, and hated myself, every single day for …….. well, I am still working on that part. It is actually my fuel to work harder, train harder, learn more, push myself to the limits and make sure that my failure was temporary. I am focused on the long game.

The conditioning of my adversities has allowed me to be unstoppable. If I can get over THAT. If I can get through THAT. There is nothing that can stop me. And nothing can stop you either if you don't let it.

Every obstacle is an opportunity. It all comes together and works together for today and tomorrow. My past taught me Accidental Stoic Lesson #2 – Overcome Adversity.

Joey

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Tuesday, May 10, 2016

The Accidental Stoic, Pt. 1 - Time Is Brief

I love Tim Ferriss.

I love Ryan Holiday.

When you go through something traumatic you find yourself looking for answers, grasping for knowledge.

You hate the way you feel.

You don’t know what to do yet, but you know you never want to feel this way again.

But what can you do?

You allow yourself to be teachable.

Allow yourself the opportunity to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to relive them again.

Two of the people that I turned to were: Tim Ferriss and Ryan Holiday. They practice and preach Stoicism: the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint.

In these blogs I am going to break down 5 pillars of the philosophy (Time Is Brief, Overcoming Adversity, Living A Life Of Character, Self-Awareness, and Practicing Misfortune), and explain how I became one without even knowing it. What a pleasant surprise! Nothing like having a goal and realizing you are already there!

Time Is Brief:

Don’t give small things more time than they deserve.
Be present, don’t miss moments of connection.
Do not live as if time is forever.
Live life on the offense.
Focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t.
Time is the only commodity you can’t earn back.

There is nothing like realizing the value of time once it is taken away.

It’s recognizing that the road is a dead end, but only after you are hanging off the edge.

Oops!

This is something people usually grasp as they get older. At some point you realize that you can’t go back and re-live anything. Time is the only commodity that can’t be replaced. Your kids can’t grow up again. Your parents can’t come back. You can miss moments and you can’t re-do anything, so you need to make sure you are in the right mindset to do it correctly the first time.

The hardest part about this realization is it doesn’t trickle out, giving you a chance to slowly get it, take it in a little bit at a time. It is an avalanche, a broken levy, or a flash flood. Boom! You are wiped out by the clarity of the situation, and it does not feel good. You are drowning. You don’t know which way is up, but you know you are at the bottom. Questions race through your mind so fast you can’t answer any of them. You are in a tornado of thoughts, emotions, and darkness.

I was an idiot. I risked time with my family in the future by the actions in my past. Not only did I lose time when I went to prison, I was mangling the time with them when I was doing the stuff to get put in prison!

I am a dipshit! (was)

My daughter only turned five once, and I missed it. She only graduated pre-school once, and I missed it. Only had one first day of kindergarten, and I missed that too. It won’t come back, ever. Time is fleeting. No matter how angry I get at myself. No matter how much I cry. No matter how sad I am, it is gone forever. Our lives are a series of moments that we either partake in or, poof, they’re gone. You can be in the moment today, you can make sure you are in it tomorrow, but yesterday is gone. You either wasted it, or you didn’t.

Sitting in a prison cell 23.5 hours a day really allows for the gravity and “shortness” of time to sink in.

Even if you aren’t in prison, when you recognize a mistake, you realize what’s gone, and it’s massive.

Was that fight worth not talking to your son or daughter for years?

Did you let your ego get in the way of your relationship?

If no one knows, do you really think it won’t affect them?

While you are spending time keeping secrets over here, what are you missing out on over there?

While you are hiding secrets when you are home, do you really think you’re present?

You aren’t.

You are throwing away time.

You are the rich guy that burns his money to keep warm. Sound ridiculous?

It is! But so are you!

Time is MUCH more valuable than money!

I understand you need to have some self-awareness to answer these questions honestly. Chances are if you can’t reflect at this point and see where you have been wasting time, even if it is just a little, you may never get it. That’s sad. Because you will eventually. It may be because your life blows up in your face (like me) or because you find yourself at the end of your life and you will realize how much of it you wasted.

And there will be nothing you can do about it.

So what do you do? You focus on the things you CAN control.

You can’t control yesterday, but you can control today, tomorrow, and every day after that. In fact, your tomorrow will be determined by what you do today. Can you wallow around in pity about yesterday? You can, but you would be wasting today, and messing up tomorrow. There are changes that need to be made and putting them off is not going to solve shit. Get up now, and do it now. The things you can’t control need to be left behind so you can spend your energies on the things you can. Let go of the small things, they hinder the attack on the big things.

My time away haunts me every single day.

My stupid actions haunt me every single day.

But the clarity they give about what I am doing, who I am, and what I am doing every single day as I grind to create a new life is priceless. I am working 10x harder than I ever have in my life, on 10x the amount of things. I know my Twitter and Instagram look like a cluster F now, but it’s me, and it’s everything I am doing. Blogging, writing, music, marketing, designing, etc. It’s a lot, but it’s me, it’s my time, and I am not wasting a second of it.

It is all coming together, and all because of my: Accidental Stoic Lesson #1 – Time Is Brief

Joey

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