Mental Health

Everyone has something.

Whether it is big or small, it is all overwhelming to the person dealing with it.

Alcoholism, depression, ADHD, addiction, schizophrenia, etc.

They are all cognitive disorders that may show signs as we grow up, but we generally don’t get the full effect until we are old enough that we should have known better. At least that’s how it was for me.

Once you realize you have what you have, admit it, or give up, you need to deal with it. “Knowing is only half the battle” — G.I. Joe (no relation to me). What is knowledge without action? I’m not sure, but it’s not good, especially when you are dealing with something as serious as a cognitive disorder. None of them can be taken likely. If you are not actively doing something about it, you are taking it WAY too lightly.

Me

I have ADHD.

The hyper kid in class?

Yes, that was me.

I was the one in the corner all through elementary school because I could not stop talking to whomever was near me. Didn’t matter who, I was going to talk to you, whether you liked it or not. At least I was funny. You may be irritated with me, but I would keep you entertained.

Thank God I wasn’t born 10 years later, or I would have been on Ritalin, or some other shitty drug. 

One that allows you to behave in class but not exactly thrive.

I am not sure about the other disorders, but ADHD is awesome if you can reign it in. There are a ton of perks to having an over-active, hyper creative brain. As long as you are not using it for stupid stuff. 

Or not using it, which then leads to stupid stuff.

If I was born ten years later, I would have known I had ADHD much sooner, but I may have missed out on the benefits of controlling it naturally, through meditation, exercise, and healthy living.

You Can’t Fix What You Don’t Know

‘The more that I know, the more I control.”

Mental Health (song): iTunes, Google Play, Amazon

That line pretty much sums it up for me. Once I found out I had ADHD, two things happened.

1. So many things that I was frustrated with growing up, thinking they were me, and that I was just shitty at this or that, could be explained. Poor test taking? ADHD. Getting in trouble all the time? ADHD. Stressing out during an at-bat in a game, but crushing it when the pressure was off in practice? ADHD. Poor decision making? ADHD.

2. I learned that I didn’t have to be that person ever again. I knew what I had, I learned about it, I applied the knowledge, and audited myself until I was totally on point and could thrive.

I was in control for the first time in my life.

Sifting Through The Ashes

The worst part about recognizing a cognitive disorder too late is there is a mess to clean up. One that you created by not asking more questions sooner, or recognizing that there was even a problem in the first place.

It is pretty much all your fault.

I am not talking s***. It was all my fault too.

If you are on the other side of your issue (the good side I mean), I bet you are pretty astounded that you didn’t notice the issues earlier. Hindsight is 20–20. It is also very humbling.

This is where love comes in so handy.

Having people believe in you is so vital. I am talking about unconditional love. If you are in a position where people don’t believe in you, I am really sorry. I am not sure I would be here if it wasn’t for my wife and family. I had completely messed up and wanted to change so badly. I was on fire to put in the work and make a difference. I don’t really know what I got the second chance in the first place. Maybe she saw it in me, saw that fire, knew I would fix it. Or maybe she just gave me a second chance. Either way, I ran with it.

There are so many people out there that talk a good game and are full of s***. Actions speak much louder than words, especially in a situation like this. You either make the changes or you don’t. There is a best-practices for everything. You are either “best” practicing or you aren’t. It becomes very obvious very early on in the process. Knowing what I know now, I could talk to you and know within 5 minutes if you were ready to change or not. If you make any kind of an excuse, you are not ready, and I feel sorry for your loved ones. The ones that want you to get better. That need you to get better. The ones that see the goodness in you, and all the wonderful things you could be if you would give yourself the chance. Excuses rob you and your family of that. Not taking those actions rob you and your family of that.

Stop making excuses and “get action.”

You know you can do it.

You want to do it.

So do it.

Mental Health

Every day’s a holiday in my, every day’s a holiday in my head.

 Don’t know what I’m gonna get.

Don’t know if it’s worth the risk, but I, swear that I can see some change, in all the things and all the ways,

I swear I’m worth it.

I know I’m worth it.

Don’t you say I can’t change….

Every day is hit or miss.

One step shy of an apocalypse, but I never thought to run away.

That’s a lie, but I’m right here, so try, remember all the little things, that make up all our memories

And know their worth it.

It’s all worth it.

Don’t you say I can’t change……

’Cause i am a cannon ball, and I got my aim.

don’t you say I can’t change……

’cause I am an asshole, ’cause I agree.

But the more that I know,

the more I control.

And everything that you saw in me,

is more than a hope,

it’s bringing me home,

to where i want to be

One day you’ll understand, that you mean more than every single breath.

That I need you, like sun and air.

I just hope that you believe, that I’ve come a long way from the dark, that damn near ripped us both apart, and have the pieces, to bring us peace with

Don’t you say I can’t change……

’Cause i am a cannon ball, and I got my aim.

don’t you say I can’t change……

’cause I am an asshole, ’cause I agree.

But the more that I know,

the more I control.

And everything that you saw in me,

is more than a hope,

it’s bringing me home,

to where I want to be

And I want to be right here.

I belong to you belong to me.

Every place you go this fool will be.

Every day’s another day, to show you all that I can be, everything you’d ever want of me,

And I want to be right here.

Don’t you say I can’t change.

Don’t you say I can’t change.

Don’t you say I can’t change.

Don’t you say I can’t change.

’Cause i am a cannon ball, and I got my aim.

don’t you say I can’t change……

’cause I am an asshole, ’cause I agree.

But the more that I know,

the more I control.

And everything that you saw in me,

is more than a hope,

it’s bringing me home,

to where I want to be

Mental Health (song): iTunes, Google Play, Amazon

Joey

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Addiction

He is an alcoholic.

He is recovering, but he will always be an alcoholic.

He knows it, and that’s what will keep him alive.

“It” is always waiting in the shadows. “It” is always whispering to him.

Always.

He has almost died twice.

Alcohol is the only drug that can kill you when you are getting clean. It’s the only one you can’t stop without help.

The others will make you feel like you are going to die, but the liquor will actually kill you.

Inside Out

To best serve you, I had him walk me through his progression. You don’t just wake up one day physically addicted to vodka, it develops over time. The sickness slowly, but not so gently, grips you a little tighter as time goes on. Before you know it, you are completely consumed.

I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know what his friends and family were thinking. 

What were they saying? When did people step in? When did he recognize that there might be an issue? These are the things I wanted to know because I think they are the things that will be able to help you the most.

Are you an addict?

Is your loved one an addict?

Find your story on his spectrum, and take control of your situation before it is too late.

If his parents didn’t step in, he would be dead.

His words, not mine.

You are no longer able to help them at that point.

So don’t wait until then.

The Beginning

It all started where most of us start drinking, high school. He hung out with older guys on the football team, they partied on the weekends. It was fun. There were girls. There was beer. And so it started.

But he had boundaries.

He would buy a 12-pack, but he would pour most of them out in the bushes. It is the classic “carry a cup so it looks like you are drinking” strategy. He bought 12, but he was only drink 3–4. He stopped when he started feeling a little too buzzed. He couldn’t go home wasted, right?

As time progressed, as it always does, like a slow submersion in to a freezing lake, he got a little deeper, a little more comfortable, with every step.

By his senior year, he was consuming that 12-pack.

But he still had boundaries.

He was only drinking on the weekends.

Still had to go to school, still had to be home on school nights, still had to answer to his parents.

But they noticed that he was sleeping in until the afternoon on Saturdays and Sundays.

“What are you doing?” they would ask him.

But they knew. He was doing what all kids his age do, hanging out with friends.

He was surrounded by kids doing the same thing he was. There can’t be a problem if everyone is doing the same thing, right?

It was a party. He was having fun. In fact, he was having the most fun. He was the party animal of his high school. Literally. He won “Party Animal” in the 1997 yearbook. Not exactly the thing you want to be remembered for, especially the “praying to the porcelain gods” part, but it was working for him at the time.

Lesson for loved ones: Pay attention to your kids. When behaviors start to change, check in, look a little closer. It is never too early to have a serious conversation. Come from love. Never yell, or they will never hear you. Talk to them when they are sober, in the morning, and adjust to allow them to hear you. It can be stopped early, when it is easier, or it can progress in to a beast too large to contain. Act early. Even if they are “just being a kid.” This is not just any kid, this is your kid.

College

Not having an idea of what he wanted to major in, he stuck around, went to a JC in the area, continued to party, now with a slightly smaller, slightly younger group. Most of his friends were off at college, so his choice of “partners” were the ones that hung around, and the friends still in high school.

Still a large group, still receiving positive reinforcement for having the most fun, still only partying on the weekends, still having to answer to parents, and still had boundaries.

But it was time to go away to college.

Transferring from The Bay Area down to Santa Barbara, his boundaries slowly (or quickly) came crashing down.

No parents?

Similar group of partiers?

No parents?

Isla Vista? The most concentrated area of college kids in the world?

No parents?

No oversight?

I get to make my own decisions?

No parents?

Sounds perfect!

When he came home for Thanksgiving that first year he had gained 40 pounds (in 4 months), was bloated, fat, and already on the verge of failing all of his classes (because the professors were all f***ed).

That’s when a close and respected friend took him aside, and told him he was drinking too much.

You know what?

He heard it. He agreed with him. He reflected on what he had been doing, and his friend was right.

That epiphany lasted about as long as it takes you to drive from San Jose to Isla Vista, 4 hours.

Back to normal.

He makes the point that he doesn’t even have a fake ID at this point. He is 19, with no ID, and he is drinking every single day.

“Addicts find a way to take their poison. They are extremely resilient and ruthless when they need something.”

Lesson: Drinking has a look. It’s puffy. It’s swollen. You put on weight quickly. The “freshman 15” doesn’t have to happen, so set your kids up to stay out of their own way. Pay attention. How do they act when they come home? This sounds gross, but smell them in the morning. Alcohol stinks. If they are drinking and smell bad in the morning, they are drinking too much. Have a conversation. Talk to their friends’ parents. Reach out. Do not get caught up in “normalcy.” Remember this, when you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect. People are stupid, at any age, and especially when they are young. Your child is not going to make wise decisions, that’s what being a kid is, but it is your job to help them avoid disastrous ones. It is never too early to have the conversation. Plant seeds, give them strategies. They may not acknowledge it to you, but it’s there. It’s planted. The harvest will only come if you plant the seeds and water the garden. Come from love, come from calm, always.

Hollywood

What better place to go from Isla Vista than Hollywood? Especially for an emerging (if not already fully developed) alcoholic.

** Something to reflect on at this point. He is only 23. He drinks most days. Meaning, when he doesn’t drink, those daily experiences are different. He is already at a point where he doesn’t know how to go out without drinking. Have lunch without a drink. Go to a baseball game without a drink. These are all things he will have to re-learn when he stops drinking. Think about that. Every time he does one of those activities, alcohol will be screaming at him, “you forgetting something? Me!” Don’t allow “normal” to dictate what you do with your loved ones (or yourself). Always remember, people are generally stupid. Look around. We are fat, lazy, complaining, assholes. You want to be “normal”? Pause and reflect. Pause and reflect.

This move is basically taking him from amateur alcoholic status to professional. He lives right off of Sunset Strip. He is in the belly of the beast. The boundaries are long gone by this point.

What are his parents doing, saying you ask?

They voiced their concerns. He basically wasted 4 years in Santa Barbara, how would Hollywood fair any better? They had serious doubts to say the least.

This is where it gets dicey. Most addicts are self-medicating. What are they self-medicating from? An over active brain. A HUGE percentage of addicts have ADHD. There are healthy ways to deal with it, and there are disastrous ways to deal with it. Obviously this article is the disastrous way. I hope you recognized that by this point. If not, you are not really paying attention.

People with ADHD tend to be more creative. Is there a better place to be creative than LA? Movies, music, technology, TV, it has it all. Maybe this is the place where he finds something he loves to do, and the drinking can finally take a back seat.

That would be any parent’s dream. Their kid, finding something they are passionate about and built for. It could work, so you support.

He went to school, was doing well. He started acting, and got jobs right away. He couldn’t be drinking too much, he was “successful.” This is what you would call a functional alcoholic. Looking back, he knows he was not exactly functioning, but he was doing something, which minimized the focus on his issues.

But there were glaring facts.

He was living in a s***hole. It was filthy. They never cleaned. They drank every day. They barely left the apartment, except to work and drink someplace else. He repeatedly had the “what are you doing with your life?” conversations with his parents. But he is 23, 24, 25 at this point. He’s an adult. What can they really do?

So he kept going.

And going.

No beer, no light stuff, just hard alcohol. Vodka. Jack Daniels. They bought weed from one neighbor, coke (not a-cola) from the other. Vons was next door. They had it all. Party with celebrities on Sunset at night, sleep all day. This was obviously working out very well.

Lesson: He went from college student, to college drop-out, to film school student. Living in a beautiful house, to living in one s***hole, then moving to another one, and an even worse one. When you start seeing priorities change, take notice. When ambition takes a back seat to stagnation, take notice. When they aren’t even taking care of the place they eat and sleep, take notice. There is a problem. Come from love. Stay calm. Ask questions. Have the conversation. Take steps. Discuss in the morning. Start acting.

Lifestyle

Drinking is what he did.

Good days.

Bad days.

Tragedies.

Parties.

Funerals.

It was in his blood, literally.

He was “functional,” which added to the mask. He had relationships. He started a band. He was earning a living. He got married. He had a dog.

How bad could the drinking really be?

They All Fall Down

Because of the drinking, relationships ended, the marriage ended, the music slowed, then stopped.

Bad day?

Time for a drink. That will make it better. How? Because if I drink enough I can’t be sad. I can’t be lonely. I can just be.

Let’s remember at this point that alcohol is a depressant. He is essentially medicating his depression with liquid depression, which will make him more depressed, more lost, more sad, and more destructive.

He had a seizure.

He split his head open at his parent’s house.

He stained the floor with his blood.

911.

He brushed it off.

He was in a car accident.

Not his fault, but when he went to the emergency room he hadn’t had his fix yet for the day. In fact, 

he was on his way when he got hit. The doctor saw the tremors. He looked in his eyes. He told him he needed help. He needed to stop. But he couldn’t stop without help. If he kept drinking he would die, if he stopped drinking he would die.

He chose the latter.

He passed out. He was not responding.

Luckily, he had a companion.

She called his dad.

He rushed over.

He was terrified.

“It was the only time I had seen my dad cry.”

They took him home.

The next day when he woke up there was a man in his parent’s house.

He was huge. He was nice. They talked.

He drank while they talked. He had to.

He admitted to the man he had a problem.

20 minutes later they were at LAX on a flight to Utah, to The Cirque Lodge, where he would be inundated with chemicals that would keep him alive as he detoxed for the next 5 days.

Today

It is still a struggle.

He has things in place every day to keep him on the wagon.

He has fallen off a few times.

But he has kids now.

He has seen what it can do to him, to his parents, he doesn’t want to see it hurt his children. He doesn’t want them to grow up without a dad.

So he works.

Affirmations.

The Steps.

AA meetings.

He does them all.

He has to.

He knows the dragon is waiting in the shadows.

He hears the whispers.

They want him to fail, to come back to them.

He knows he can’t fall down that hole again.

Because he may not get out the next time.

You

If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse, it is never too early to get help. It is a slippery slope, but there are signs. You need to admit what you are seeing is a problem, that it is not good, even if you think it is “normal.”

F*** normal. You are not normal. Your children are not normal. You are special, you are wonderful, you want them around forever, and you want them to be happy and healthy.

Substance abuse is not healthy, and it certainly is not happy.

“It is no way to live your life”

Alcoholics Anonymous

The Cirque Lodge

And if you need someone to talk to, the subject of this interview, Eric Maehl, would love to be that person.

Good luck.

Come from a place of calm.

Come from a place of love.

Bring them back.

Joey

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The Scriptures Of My Journey

Those of you that follow me know I have had some serious ups and downs.

In reality, it was one major, multiple year “down,” and it has been a steady climb ever since.

So, to be more accurate, I have had my up and down, or my down and up.

Doesn’t exactly have the same ring to it, but it is more representative of the situation.

I have been getting a lot of questions about my favorite Bible verses, or the ones that helped pull me through the toughest times. They are hoping the ones that helped me can help them too.

For a more holistic view of the situation, I thought my answer would be better suited if I covered all of the important Bible verses from my experience.

If you would like to read all the juicy details, please read my book: Prison Diary(a) — A San Quentin Comedy, Kinda

The Beginning

I was not raised a Christian. We went to church a few times. If I had to call myself anything it would be Christian, but even that was a stretch. I was a nothing. I always believed in God, but couldn’t get in to the whole “church” thing.

Fast forward 25 years and my life is falling apart.

I am a cheater.

I am on the verge of destroying my family.

Losing an amazing wife.

Breaking up the family of my amazing little girl.

All by myself.

I was an idiot.

(More on that here: Secrets Will Ruin Your Life)

No one knew my secrets. I wasn’t exactly broadcasting them. I knew I was a piece of shit, so I just 

tried to bury it, never really dealing with it, allowing it to slowly unravel my heart, my mind, and my sanity.

I didn’t know what to do.

So I prayed.

And prayed.

To who? God? Allah? Santa Claus?

I didn’t care, to anyone who could help, or who would listen.

What happened? He answered. Loud and clear.

I admitted my affair.

And Shit got REAL after that.

I had no idea why I was cheating. I wasn’t bored. I wasn’t unhappy. She is smart and beautiful. A wonderful wife and mother. Basically, she was so amazing, I knew it was me. I couldn’t pin it on her. 

Even if I wanted to I couldn’t blame her for my indiscretions. It was all me.

But I didn’t know what it was. What the fuck was wrong with me.

That was actually the first thing I said to my therapist.

Him — “Why are you here?”

Me — “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me.”

See? Just like I said.

Anyways.

Along with therapy, I also started going to church. He got me out of my own way, and cleaned my closet (mostly), maybe I should give this whole “church” thing a shot.

I started attending every Sunday, the church had a new fireball for a Pastor, and I was locked in.

 I was even baptized on Easter Sunday, 2011.

Then my world blew up. One month to the day of getting baptized.

I thought things were supposed to get better after finding God?

James 1:2–4

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

It sounds weird, but when I was arrested, I knew what it was. I was being cleansed. He was completely clearing out my closet so I could rebuild my life with a solid foundation. My indiscretions had finally caught up to me, and BOOM goes the dynamite.

I deserved it.

I messed up.

And I rested on James 1 all the way through the trial, the media coverage, the embarrassment, the humiliation, the job loss, the creditors (hard to pay bills without a job), and ultimately prison.

I KNEW He was making me stronger. I KNEW I had to go through this.

I was completely broken on the inside, but I knew deep down, I would be stronger in the end.

To be honest, I thought this would be the only scripture I would rest on until I was in San Quentin, 

looking for the lesson in my sentence, when I read:

Deuteronomy 8:1–5

1 Be careful to follow every command I am giving you today, so that you may live and increase and may enter and possess the land the Lord promised on oath to your ancestors. 2 Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. 3 He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. 4 Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. 5 Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.

I knew this was it.

I was in the desert, but I could see the Promise Land, 9/21/14. I actually had a little San Quentin calendar that I would mark each day off, so the end date seemed like a lifetime, but at least I could see it.

It was over for me. The trials and tribulations were over as soon as I walked out of prison.

He had been protecting me at San Quentin, with chaos all around me.

He was there with me.

I was going to take everything I had learned, everything I had gone through, and use it to thrive in my new life. Nothing would be as it was, because I was not who I was.

F*** the old me.

I hate him.

More Insight

I had been in therapy for almost two years at this point, so I knew what my deal was. I had ADHD, and I was not channeling it. I was living with no intentionality. My life was like a boat in the ocean, going wherever the waves wanted.

I had a good paying job, a wonderful wife, and a beautiful baby girl. My checklist was complete. 

Because I never looked at ways that it could all go away, I never planned for it. Why would I jeopardize all this? That would be crazy. But that is exactly what I did.

I can’t find the Tony Robbins quote, or I would put it right here, but it is something to the effect of, the thing you never think will take you down is the one that actually will. Basically, you need to plan out your own failures. Recognize where you could possibly lose, and plan for it so it doesn’t happen.

I was a cheater.

That was where I could be taken down.

What did I do instead? Told myself excuses.

I am not looking for it. No one will find out, no one is getting hurt. It will never happen again (and again).

I was an idiot. That’s clear, right?

I had no intentionality in my life. I did not have a clear identity.

That all punched me in the face one day in San Quentin when I read:

Matthew 5:37

37 Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no. Anything more than this comes from the evil one.

That’s how I would get pulled in to f***ed situations. I knew they were bad, or could lead to something bad, but I didn’t slam the door.

When you leave a little crack, say no, but with a hint of yes, the door eventually flies open.

In my new life, when it’s a no, it will be a f***no.

When it is a yes, it will be a f*** yes.

(Article: The Best Piece Of Advice For Anyone, Anywhere)

That’s it. No in-between, no questions. F*** yes or f*** no.

I have a clean identity, I am living with intention and purpose, so I will no longer be tossed around by the waves, pushed with the wind.

I am a mother f***ing rock.

My New Life

The scripture I focus on most now is called The Parable Of Gold Coins. It is what I think about when I am tired, or scared of failure.

We all have gifts, and we can all either use them or deny them.

Everything we need is available to us, but we need to work.

Sitting around waiting for God to do something He has already equipped us to do is ridiculous. He works where we can’t.

Is He able to do it all? Absolutely.

But we gain more by doing it ourselves, with the gifts He has given us.

Read this next time you are praying for Him to move, and ask: what else can I do?

Stop waiting for miracles and pay attention to all the miracles He has surrounded you with.

You have things to do.

Stop talking about it and get to it.

Matthew 25:14–30

The Parable of the Bags of Gold

14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags.

29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Joey

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How Do You Deal With All The Stress?

Life is stressful.

There is no way to avoid it.

Not the most reassuring intro is it?

It will get more positive, I promise.

There is no way to avoid it, true. But when there is something you can’t change, you change your perspective, and change your strategy. For all you entrepreneurs out there, you pivot.

That’s what we are going to do here.

We are going to take a little perspective, mix it with some new strategies, and voila! The stress will be minimized, we will be happier, life will be easier.

But first…….

What Is Stress, and How Does It Affect Your Health?

**if you don’t care about the sciency stuff, skip down to the next set of stars.

In layman terms, stress is the “fight or flight” triggered in our sympathetic nervous system when we are faced with an overwhelming situation. Millions of years ago, it was to run away from lions. Today, there are no lions, but we still have the same response to our daily stresses. Your body releases adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol. (Sorry to get a little nerdy on the vocab. I am not a doctor, but my brother is, so, I am pretty sure that counts in some countries, right? No? Oh, well.) Basically, adrenaline and norepinephrine release hormones that allow for a burst of energy and an increased heart rate. Cortisol maintains body fluid balance and blood pressure while downregulating bodily functions that are not necessary at the time (i.e. reproduction, immunity, digestion, and growth).

Like I said, this is all awesome if you are stressed out every once in a while, running from lions, escaping a burning building, things like that. In the most extreme cases, this can save your life. It increases blood flow to the brain for optimal processing to give you the best chance to get out of whatever situation you find yourself in.

But like everything else, too much of a good thing can be bad, especially when it’s not a life or death situation. Stupid evolution moving too slow.

And this is no different.

Stress causes a response in the body that is manipulating your central nervous system. Too much stress too often can lead to: depression, insomnia, anxiety, hypertension, over-eating, undereating, digestive problems (even if you aren’t puking, or pooping, you may not be breaking the foods well enough to absorb nutrients), tight muscles leading to back and shoulder pain, headaches, etc., a lowered immune system, and reproductive issues.

Whew. That’s a lot.

What makes it worse, is once all of those things are off, they send signals to your brain that things are off, which perpetuates the problem! It’s a cycle of doo doo!

** So basically, none of you s*** works right (no pun intended. Well, maybe a little).

Dealing With Stress

Since we already know we can’t avoid stress, we need to make sure we are not adding to it. Then we can start removing some of it from our lives. It is amazing how just knowing that you are dealing with your issues is a relief in-and-of-itself. There is comfort in knowing that you are handling it, that you are in control.

There are steps. It’s a process. This is what worked for me. Adjust it to suit you.

Mitigate the stress, then manage it, so you can control it.

1. Don’t Add To It

Diet: When you are stressed out, your body is on fire. Not literally of course, unless you are stressed out because you are actually on fire, then none of this stuff you are about to read is going to help you anyways, just find water. You aren’t releasing the proper chemicals at the proper time. You are an inflamed roller coaster of rollercoasterness. Don’t add to this hot mess.

Avoid inflammatory foods:

- Trans fats

- Sugar

- White bread (which basically breaks down in to sugar)

- Alcohol

- Are you making a sad face yet? Don’t worry, it’s not fun at first, but you will feel better.

- Milk and other dairy products

- MSG

- Gluten (which is just all the other bread)

- Canola Oil, or other cheap vegetable oils

- Artificial additives

- Processed grains: white flour, etc.

Basically, crap you shouldn’t be eating anyways.

Eat inflammatory reducing foods!

- Fatty fish (salmon, tuna, sardines) or if you don’t like fish take cod oil supplements

- Dark, leafy greens (kale, spinach, etc.)

- Nuts, almonds, walnuts (great for snacks so you don’t eat other crap when you are on the go, like if you work a 12 hr. shift or something)

- Colorful vegetables (bell peppers, eggplant, Brussel sprouts)

- Legumes, black beans, pinto beans

- Beets (they taste like dirt, but they expand your capillaries and make you feel amazing!!! Juice them though, don’t eat them like an apple. Yuck!)

- Ginger (great for your stomach and digestion)

- Turmeric (great for inflammation. People use this as a natural alternative to Advil)

- Garlic

- Olive oil

- Blueberries, raspberries, strawberries

When you get your gut right, your body is able to release the proper chemicals. You want to be calm, be happy? Well your gut releases serotonin. Basically, your happiness! Help the release of serotonin in your system by cleaning up your gut.

If you are interested, add me on Snapchat (JustOneJoey or https://www.snapchat.com/add/justonejoey) and snap me. I will be happy to show you different recipes I use to help you in this process. Just ask! I am here to help people!

Can you feel the roller coaster slowing down yet? Just heading in the right direction feels good!

2. Sleep/Meditation: These really should be separate, but just in case you work a crazy job and are not able to get the proper amount of sleep (7–9 hours a night), meditation can actually help with side effects from your lack of sleep. It’s like a two for one with meditation!

Sleep: There are two phases: pre-sleep and sleep-sleep (not scientific terms in case you were wondering). In order to get the most out of your sleep you need to prep it. If you are stressed out, you are already releasing too much cortisol. If you are producing cortisol you can’t be producing melatonin. Melatonin is what helps you get restful, recovery sleep. No melatonin = no recovery. No recovery = probably more stress, tiredness, irritability, etc. It makes things worse. It’s a cycle of poo, remember?

A way to stop the production of cortisol is to eliminate blue light. It is VERY easy, you either turn off every electronic device in your house for a couple hours before you go to bed or you get blue light blocking glasses. Which are really, just orange glasses (http://geni.us/4488). Super cheap, super effective. Put them on before bed (3 hours would be ideal) and you are ready to go! As long as you don’t stress yourself out with other stuff, like: intense TV shows, scary books, arguing, hanging out with people you don’t like, etc.)

One strategy I have heard over and over again is taking a hot, Epsom salt bath before bed. Help your body remove toxins, relax in the water (mediate in there too!) and release the day before you go to bed.

The better prep, the better sleep. Remember that.

Sleep is healing time. Your body needs to recover from today so it can do it all over again tomorrow. This is not a problem for you anymore because you are eating better, sleeping better, and soon you will be meditating too!

Now that your pre-sleep is locked in, you can focus on the sleep-sleep.

A. Black out your room. I mean, not even the light from a clock. It sounds crazy, but your skin can absorb light, which will then compromise your sleep. How much? I don’t know. But we are shooting for the stars here, so stop asking so many questions and just black out your room.

B. Either no noise, or white noise. Not noise from a white person, something soothing like the ocean, or wind in the trees. You know, hippie stuff.

C. Wear eye covers and ear plugs if you have to.

D. Keep the room under 70 degrees Fahrenheit (21 or 22 Celsius. I don’t really know. I’m American. Sorry everyone else in the world). Preferably 65–67 Fahrenheit.

With the pre sleep and the better sleep-sleep, you should feel much better in the morning, which will help carry you throughout the day, which will be a stress reducer in itself. Poor sleep is horrible when you are stressed out. It is a downward spiral if you don’t get a hold of it.

Mediation: I do this every morning. When I am having a rough day I do it when I wake up and right before I go to bed. Besides working out, it is the number one thing I do (and eat healthy of course) where I notice the impact on my well-being throughout the day. Research shows that people who meditate regularly are able to switch off parts of the brain associated with anxiety, schizophrenia, attention deficit, and hyperactivity disorder and other problems. #mindblown.

What you are doing when you mediate regularly is you are switching from the busy beta wave state to an alpha wave state, the state that precedes sleep. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, allowing the body to slow down and the brain to regenerate. It only takes 10–15 minutes of meditation to feel the benefits. Think about that. It’s basically a power nap. One that rests your brain, your thoughts, and helps you process where you’ve been that day and where you are going. You can do this on your breaks at work! How f’ing helpful is that?!?! I know!!

15 minutes a day! That’s it. Or 30 minutes if you are doing it before bed also (highly recommended). It is a little tricky getting in to it, figuring out what works for you, but there are places you can go for help. Two apps that are perfect for busy people, that just need a 10–15 break in their day, but don’t have time to figure it all out are: Calm and Headspace. You sit down with your smart phone, plug in the headphones, and boom, you are meditating. My sister uses Headspace and absolutely loves it, but I have heard amazing things about Calm as well.

Another route to go is with Tara Brach and her guided meditations. You basically pick the amount of time you want to spend meditating, find a file that fits that space, and go to town. She will guide you through a complete meditation, what to focus on, what to feel, and lead you all the way to the end. No muss, no fuss.

Once you get used to meditating, as you find yourself in a stressful situation during the day, it will eventually take as little as a deep breath to center yourself and go on with your day. Again, this takes time, but you start to feel the effect immediately.

As a little bonus, just to help center yourself in the beginning (and you will start to internalize all of this, which will make it much easier), use positive self-talk. You don’t need to say it out loud (unless you are super secure in yourself), but repeat positive affirmations. Literally, tell yourself:

“This is just a moment”

“This is just one incident”

“This isn’t personal”

“I love myself. I know I do a good job. I am ok.”

“Don’t let work stress come home with me. I have a wall.”

“This is what I prepared for. This is why I eat well, sleep well, and meditate, to be able to handle something like this.”

“I only have ‘x’ amount of hours before I can relax.”

One thing that I noticed was once I had a structure in place, it made every ‘dip’ in my day easier to handle, because I knew I was doing all the right things, and I knew that I had something in place that would come up soon to make me feel better (i.e. working out, a healthy dinner, family time, etc.). If it was really bad, I would use the positive self-talk. It’s not a light switch, but it works, especially if it is something you use regularly.

We are creatures of habit and conditioning. If you put in healthy conditions, both physically and mentally, you are conditioned to be ok. There is a lot of comfort in knowing that you are doing your best, not leaving anything on the table.

Here is the article I wrote on structure and process. It is called, “The Process Of Happy,” It repeats some things that I am putting down here, but goes in to more depth with others.

3. Remove Stress

Now that you are sleeping well, taking better care of your health, and meditating every morning, you are starting to feel a lot better. Now is when you can fine-tune your life.

Eliminate unnecessary stresses.

Really, unnecessary people.

You can’t really avoid the people you work with, but you are mediating, and you are able to bring yourself down when you get stressed out, so that is not a huge issue. You are tired from your long day at work, but you can handle it. But on your days off? Do you really want to spend your Saturday with people that you don’t like? Hell no! So don’t.

We have added some things to your plate to deal with stress, now you need to go through your life and audit the other stresses, then remove them. Family excluded because it’s family, but don’t spend time with people that don’t make you happy. You may have to have some tough conversations, or you may never have conversations ever again. This is your life we are talking about. This is your health. Your family’s health. Your kids’ health. Maybe your future kids’ health. Make sure everything is prioritized correctly so you are focusing on what you should be focusing on.

If you have any questions please find me on social media. All the links are below. You can also ask directly in the comments. However you feel comfortable communicating, I can accommodate.

Hope you all have a great day.

Remember that YOU are in control, but you have to take the reins. Yeehaw!

Joey

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