My Life Is A Christmas Movie

I am George Bailey.

I can at least relate to every phase of his wonderful life.

The ups, the downs. The ins and outs. Hope, fear, depression, prayer, loss, confusion, and immense 

happiness.

When I watch It’s A Wonderful Life I am able to dig through my own story.

I feel like I am watching myself in black and white.

I am sad with him. I am scared with him. I tear up when his friends and family come together to help him in the end. His realization that life really is wonderful. It is such a beautiful moment. They love him, and he finally knows it.

The Opportunity Of A Lifetime

He was given something that is so powerful in life: a chance to see it all go away.

Everything he had worked so hard for. Everything he loved. Everything he had ever known, was gone. He could see it, feel it, and breathe it in. He felt it in his core, and it changed him.

Why did it change him? Because it shook his world so badly he could never go back to the way it was. Nothing would ever be the same. He was honest enough, brought low enough, and vulnerable enough to embrace the opportunity.

We get those glimpses like these ourselves, but do we take advantage of them the way George Bailey did? Our opportunities of dramatic, life-changing moments?

Heart attacks. Divorce. Cheating, Strokes. DUIs. ODs. Debt. Loss. Depression. Cancer. Death.

Something has to change after something like that, right?

We get slapped in the face with reality all the time. Shouldn’t it change us like it changed George?

Everything was different once he had that opportunity, and embraced it.

Man, I watch that movie and know exactly where he is mentally in every single one of those scenes. 

It hurts so much. It is so scary. So empty. So dark. Then so happy.

The anger, the fear, the bridge.

I’ve been in every one of those places.

The joy, the happiness, the love.

I’ve felt it all.

It changes you.

It has to, doesn’t it?

Washed Clean

When you receive a cold dose of reality, everything becomes clear. What’s real, what’s fake. Who’s real, who’s fake. What’s important, what’s a waste of time. It all comes in to focus.

The bigger the hurt, the deeper the cut, the clearer it is.

The pain disorienting.

The clarity is immense.

These reality checks let us know who we really are. They hurt because we know ourselves less than we care to admit (or can admit), and reality doesn’t hit softly. Things we do, people we surround ourselves with, our jobs, they all pull and prod us in to things or people we may not be, and may not want to be. We get on a path and just stay there, rarely evaluating and auditing why we are there, how we got there, and if we should stay.

George was not an unhappy man at first, but he let himself lose sight of what was important. He allowed himself to become that angry old man. The dreams of his youth were nearly gone. He had a job he didn’t really want, but he had an amazing family, a wonderful house, and a job he could be proud of. That doesn’t sound so bad. I bet if he could have had a choice of what he wanted when he was younger, he would have been very happy with where he was as an adult.

Are you happy with where you are?

Has reality been trying to tell you something?

Do you appreciate what you have?

Are you able to distinguish the good from the bad? Right and wrong?

If you can’t, your very own Clarence (the guardian angel) is coming. I guarantee it.

Believe me when I tell you it will hurt. If will feel like you are going to die. You will want to die. You will be on the bridge, staring at the freezing water, ready to jump. Then Clarence shows up, and it gets worse before it gets better. Reality is a wrecking ball (not unlike Miley Cyrus, but with more clothes on. Usually). It’s painful. It pulls apart of your life so you expose your guts. Splayed out on the table, for everyone to see. But most importantly, for you to see.

Can’t look?

Too hideous?

Too disgusting?

Look.

You need to see it in order to know what is really there.

It doesn’t have to be like that anymore.

Keep the good. Discard the bad.

You have been given the gift of clarity, but you are the one that chooses to uses it or not.

You know people that don’t. You see them all the time. It is so sad. They keep digging their hole deeper and deeper. Reality is slapping them in the face and they pretend like it never happened. Don’t be that person. Be George Bailey. Recognize where you were wrong. Where you were broken. Embrace your faults and then commit to fixing them.

Look to tomorrow and know it really is A Wonderful Life.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Change starts from within.

Joey

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The Day I Didn't Meet James Hetfield

I always think about NOT meeting James Hetfield around this time of the year.

Why?

Because I didn’t meet him at the Nutcracker in San Francisco a few years ago.

Why didn’t I meet him?

Because I am a pussy (cat).

Background

I have played guitar since I was 12. Metallica was one of the biggest reasons I even picked up a guitar in the first place. Before I had a real guitar I made a full-sized, cardboard cutout of James’ black, ESP Explorer. I would go through Metallica’s catalogue with that cardboard guitar, then a real one, imagining I was on stage, as the front man of my favorite band in the world.

25 years later, they are still my favorite band. Of course my musical tastes have changed, but they will always be my number one. My first love.

I’ve seen them live almost every time they have been in the Bay Area since 1992. I was even lucky enough to be 3rd row center at a concert in the late 90’s.

It’s been a very special relationship.

But an extremely one-sided relationship.

We have never met. Maybe they would love me too!

If only I had a chance……..

Me and James and The Nutcracker

The night before The Nutcracker I was at a Metallica concert in San Jose. Cheering, singing their songs, and feeling like a kid again.

Great show as always.

Fell in love just a little bit more, as always.

Then back to reality.

Christmas time, family, holidays, etc.

Just a normal December day.

That was until I walked down the stairs with my family, ready to head home after a wonderful, but very different performance than the night before.

I came down the stairs, and around the corner, looked up, and it was James (MF) Hetfield!

The guy I had seen last night on stage commanding 20k people. The lead singer of the band I had seen 10 times live. The singer I had plastered on my walls in high school.

He was right there.

I had the opportunity to meet my musical hero. My singular, no one else is even close, musical hero.

This is it. A thing I have thought about countless times over the last 20 years.

And……… fail.

Why?

Because what in the hell am I going to say?

With all of my memories and feelings about this band over a majority of my life, what could I possibly say? Hi? Thank you?

I couldn’t do it. There is too much to say to say so little.

On top of my lack of ability to wrap up 20 years in a few sentences and a handshake, he was on break from being the front man of Metallica and was spending time with his family. Keep in mind, this was day 1 of his vacation. I am sue the last thing he wants is some 30 year old, acting like a 12 year old chewing his ear off at The Nutcracker.

And I couldn’t get anything out. I like to use the family excuse, but let’s be real, my was stuck on stupid.

It felt like trying to drain the ocean with a garden hose. There was too much. Too much to sift through, think about, wrap my head around.

So I said nothing.

And I walked away, but with a strange sense of euphoria from having even a failed interaction with James.

Wow. Such a powerful moment.

And then it got worse.

They were leaving the same time we were.

We basically walked out together.

We were basically walking with them down the street.

Holy s***.

Holy s***.

What did I say?

You guessed it, absolutely nothing.

I kept waiting for them to go a different direction, get in a limo, or a helicopter, or whatever superstars do.

But they didn’t.

They were at the crosswalk with us.

Great.

They were walking through the park with us.

Fantastic.

Keep in mind, I am s****ing my pants every second of this “interaction.” My brain is completely locked up. I can’t say a damn thing. Like I had a Metallica stroke or something.

Now they are walking towards the same parking garage.

Awesome.

Down the stairs with us.

To the same level as us!

I held the door for him and his family!!!

Holy f***!!

We walked on to the level, and then headed our separate ways.

I am such a little b****.

Utter Disappointment

My wife still makes fun of me for this. My moment of weakness.

She knows I will talk to anyone. Money doesn’t impress me. Celebrity doesn’t matter to me. They are just people.

But that day?

On that day in December a few years ago, I was 12 again, and my idol was bigger than life, within reach, but too big to grasp.

*sigh

My Request To James

Let me write your book.

I know it sounds weird, but I have gotten past my start struck brain lock.

It will be amazing.

It will not be a typical autobiography at all.

It will be about you, the person, not the superstar. Not all the cool s** you have done. You.

We will call it The Struggle Within, and it will be about your life, your inner struggles, how you handled them poorly, and how you have grown since you started handling them properly. I think it would be epic. I also think it would help so many people out there that look up to you, struggle with you, and that can learn form you.

I was listening to your interview with Joe Rogan yesterday, and there are a lot of parallels between us. We had breaking points. We fixed them. We are better today. And most importantly, we know what it is like to go through that struggle with yourself and come out on the other end. It’s still a struggle, but we deal with it.

But what about the person that doesn’t know themselves today? The man or woman that is in the middle of the struggle, that your words could help guide through? That’s where I think this book would be on a completely different level.

Think of your reach all over the world? How many languages would this book be published in? 50? 60? It would be an incredible gift to give to your fans that are struggling within.

James, if you are reading this, Brett has my number. Call me anytime.

I promise I will talk this time.

Happy Holidays 

Joey

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We Only See What We Want To

My daughter is 7.

Like thousands of other children all over the world, we have an Elf On The Shelf.

Our elf’s name is Osmond.

Every morning from December 1st until December 24th, Osmond picks a new spot around our house to watch my daughter and take notes back to Santa. You know, so he knows if she is naughty or nice.

My daughter loves Osmond.

This is a good place to point out that my daughter is a bright, 7 year old. She picks up all of the concepts in school very easily, reads voraciously, and is learning how to use all the equipment I use to create media for my clients.

She’s a sharp cookie.

But for the last couple of years, I keep expecting her to notice that this little plastic doll, that never moves, that has a tag sticking out from her butt, is just a toy, and not a real elf.

Why doesn’t she see it?

Because she doesn’t want to.

She wants that elf to be real so badly, she completely bypasses all common sense, quality questioning, and well, reality.

She has convinced herself that it is a real elf, no matter what she sees or thinks.

But, she is just a kid, right?

Then why do we do the same thing? (hopefully not with an elf).

So Simple, So Scary

Is it reality? Or what we think is reality?

What is reality?

Is it the actual story being told, or the story we tell?

Are you happy? Or should you be happy?

Have you ever met someone who is positive? Do they say negative things? Do negative people say positive things?

We have so much power. We can create the world around us.

Your World

What we need to realize is we can control the world around us by the thoughts in our head. I am not talking Inception type stuff. We aren’t going to be in the next X-Men. I mean how we see the world. If we think positive, if we train our brain to be positive, things will somehow always have a silver lining. If we take mental dumps on everything, guess what? Things will be sh***y (yes, the pun was very much intended).

It sounds a little foo foo hippy dippy, and it is, but wouldn’t you rather see a solution than a problem?

You can either see a wall or a door.

What sounds better to you?

What you are facing very well may be a wall, but you know what? If you see a door, I guarantee you will find a way over it, under it, or through it. Knowing that a situation can be managed, no matter how difficult, is a very powerful mindset to have. It separates the weak form the strong. The fighters from the flighters (not a real word, obviously, but it gets my point across).

What Do You Want To See?

It sounds so simple, but if you are honest with yourself, you will answer this question: what do you want to see?

When you get up in the morning, what do you want to see? What do you expect?

When you talk to your husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, what do you see? What do you expect?

Work? Traffic? The store? Christmas? Hanukah? New Year’s? What do you see? What do you expect?

Choose Wisely

Like Indiana Jones at the end of The Last Crusade, you must choose wisely, or before you know it, you are dust and bones and everything is gone.

You control your world because you only see what you want to. If you see s***, you want to. If you see sadness, you want to. If you see happiness, you want to.

Am I saying nothing will happen to you? That you will be walking around with a force field protecting you from your daily life? Not at all. But with the right perspective, mindset, preparation, and outlook, big bumps become small, down days are minimized, and sadness can be cut short. Build the life around you that allows you to see what you want to see. Cut out the negative (things and people). Focus on the positive. Tell yourself wonderful things about, well, yourself. Think that you will do amazing things.

You will be happier. I promise.

Look at that goofy little elf, looking sideways all day every day, with a tag sticking out of her butt, saying nothing……..

What do you want to see?

Joey

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The Christmas Test

For those of you that do not celebrate Christmas, just replace “Christmas” with “Birthday”, and you will get the same effect.

With the holiday season in full swing, I think this is the perfect time to share my theory.

Test Origins

This actually started as The Birthday Test in 2004, not coincidentally, on my birthday. As I thought about it more, I realized it was really a two part test, Birthday & Christmas.

My epiphany that birthday?

“This birthday sucks!“

That’s it.

Tada!!

Keep it simple.

Just for the record, it wasn’t in a spoiled brat kind of a way. Even when I look back on it now, 12 years later, it really was a bad birthday, mostly because I was in a bad place. I was single after being in a relationship for 4 years with a wonderful girl who just wasn’t right for me. I had just started my first career at the cost of smothering my passion, I was in a tug-of-war between myself and what I thought myself should be, and to avoid dealing with it all I was burying it in partying.

It was not who I was. It was not who I wanted to be.

Something had to change.

(this is a whole other essay in itself, but my changes were extreme, and stupid. Why? Because I wasn’t really dealing with what I was feeling or going through, so I just covered it up with what made sense, another relationship and doubling down on my career. #dummy).

You

Have you ever had a s*** birthday?

Have you ever had a s*** Christmas (or whatever you celebrate)?

**On a side note these tests will work with anyone except Jehovah’s Witnesses. You guys don’t celebrate anything, so, I don’t know what to say. Sorry for not having a test for you?

Anyways,

If you have ever had a s** birthday or Christmas, you have already taken the test, but you didn’t know it.

The Test

Christmas and birthdays are inherently happy occasions. Singing, lights, presents, candles, etc. They are fun, colorful, celebratory, great days. At least they should be.

So if you find yourself having a bad one, consider it a test.

There is only one question: What the hell is going on?

J/K, kind of.

The question is, how do I change so this doesn’t happen again next year?

Notice I didn’t say, “How does he change? or she change?” It is, how do I change?

This all starts and ends with you. As soon as you place the blame for your unhappiness on anyone else, you lose. This is all you baby! Own it!

Your life not being right will never be more apparent than on a special day like Christmas or your birthday.

Those days should bring a smile to your face, and happiness to your heart. If they don’t, it is time to make a change.

Audit Your Life

As hard as it is to be down on one of these special days, you will need to dig deeper. What is bringing you down? How have you let it get to this point? What can you do about it?

If it is just a general depression because you don’t like getting older, get over it. We all get older. Take really good care of yourself so you aren’t falling apart in your 40s. There are easier ways to get older, you just need to choose wisely.

So, what is the problem?

Relationships? Money? Weight? Health?

What is it?

How did you get here? What stories have you been telling yourself? How have you been justifying it?

This test is a slap in the face.

It will get your attention.

But you MUST deal with it appropriately.

What does that mean? You need to DEAL with it.

I have a good friend that just broke up with her boyfriend. What does she want to do to feel better? 

Get a damn cat.

I am cool with pets (I’m more of a dog person myself), but filling a void when the “void” is fresh is the LAST thing you should do. You need to deal with what you are, well, dealing with. Feel the feelings, sift through your thoughts, and deal with it.

Filling a void is never filling the void, it is just covering the hole.

You may not see it, but it’s there. Others may not see it, but it’s there. You need to get down in there, clean it out, and start rebuilding. In medicine it’s called debriding. When you have a deep wound (and that’s what this test exposes), you need to basically cut to heal. Dig out all the rotten flesh, the bacteria, the stuff that will keep you from healing 100% and flush it all out. Once it is gone, the wound will heal good as new, maybe even better.

Isn’t that what you want?

Don’t you want to take the feelings you are having right now and remove them forever?

Not cover, but recover?

This bad Christmas of yours is a gift.

It may look like a box of s***, but it’s The Christmas Test.

Not the thing you asked for but the thing you need.

Isn’t that how it always works out?

You don’t get what you want, you get what you need.

Well you have what you need.

Take the test.

Ace it.

And have a Happy Holiday.

To all of you who find yourselves searching this holiday season and New Year’s, keep going. Everything you need is out there. You find it with hard work and honesty with yourself. I am here if you have any questions, and there are authors/podcasters out there that can help you: Tim Ferriss, James Altucher, Tony Robbins, Jordan Harbinger, Brian Koppelman, Gary Vaynerchuk, Lewis Howes, and many more.

Keep pushing, keep look, keep asking questions, and keep being honest. It will all work out.

Joey

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