Just One Joey: Steps To Find Your Northern Star

This may not work for everyone, but it worked for me.

I found my Northern Star. Looking back, I always knew what it was, but I let the “real world” talk me out of it. It was just a hobby. You can’t do that for a living. Music? Who does that? What are the chances of you making it? Get a “real” job, and then do “your little music thing” on the weekend and after hours., where it belongs.

Ok. So I got a real job.

And how did I interpret my interpretation of a job? 1. Jobs suck, but you have to do them. 2. Love and passion are for hobbies. 3. Now you need to find a job that gives you time to do what you really love, but make enough money so you aren’t a loser.

And that was the beginning of The War With Myself. World War Joey.

It was a fight to fit in. A fight to do what I thought I was supposed to do.

I knew I didn’t really want to do it, but this was the real world. Right? Suck it up and do what you gotta do.

I allowed the “real world” to cage me in, to neglect my passion, to trap me, and I didn’t even know it.

My life view was so limited, I didn’t see my own potential.

Looking back, the slow decay is obvious. The rust was eating away at me, oxidizing my dreams, breaking down my armor, and I just sat there, like a dummy.

Why wasn’t I doing what I knew I wanted to be doing? Did I even know what I wanted to be doing?

Lesson #1 — Reflect, Reflect, Reflect

I have no idea how old you are. I was 32 when I started reflecting. Never too late, right?

Because I was in the middle of a life implosion, I was looking for any kind of clarity. 1. When was I more focused? 2. When did I have a stronger sense of self? I was looking for the point in my life where I would have kicked the shit out of myself for being where I was today. When was that?

For me? College.

Ages 18–22. San Diego, CA

What did I love then?

Music. Running. Learning. All three were things that would pop up at different points of my life, like they were a part of me. Music is in my blood, running is in my blood (I found out later I loved running because it allowed my ADHD brain to work correctly. Yay!), and I love learning about new things, analyzing them, taking bits and pieces so I can apply them to other aspects/projects in my life.

Make sense?

Like I said, this is my journey. Focus on the lessons, not what I found out about myself. This is a custom job. Pimp My Life. Sorry, too old of a TV show? What’s a TV show you ask? Dang.

Now it’s your turn. Look back over your life. 1. What are things you love (even if they don’t seem like they could be a source of income)? Reading? Writing? Socializing? It can be anything. 2. Where are you most comfortable? 3. When are you your happiest? It doesn’t necessarily have to be a thing, like poetry or cycling, just think of times when you were at your best, your happiest. What were you doing?

Start there.

WARNING: If you say you are your happiest when you are out drinking and smoking with your friends, STOP. That sounds like a quick trip to Loserville, population You. Unless you and your friends do something inherently constructive, hanging out, drinking and getting high are not avenues to explore you purpose in life (unless it is so epic you can start a vlog, but even then, you need a videographer, equipment, creativity, vision, etc. and that may be the real passion, not the partying).

Can you think of something? Start looking between the ages of 14–22. What did you love? What do you look back on fondly?

What didn’t you focus on those as a career back then?

Because you were scared.

Lesson #2 — Don’t Be Scared

The only reason you would be scared is because you don’t think you are good enough at what you are passionate about to do it for a living. Failing at the thing you love the most? Uh, no thank you. I will just daydream and never put myself out there. Better safe than sorry. Better to “what if?” than “oh, I suck.”

Don’t be a pussy (cat).

The magic of your passion is, because you love it, you can take the hits, you can allow yourself the opportunity to fail because you love it so much you will rebound and learn from it. You have to. It’s your passion! You may not be good enough yet, you probably aren’t, but that comes with time. That comes from commitment. It needs to be deliberate, and it needs to be A LOT!!! So…….

Lesson #3 — Put In The Time

Nothing worth doing is going to be easy. If it’s easy it’s not pushing you, it’s not stretching your capabilities, it’s not allowing you to grow, which means you are stagnant, just floating in the same place. If you are going to grow and get better, get to a place where you can take something you love and embrace it as a career you need to be damn good, and you need to be a hard ass worker.

Think you are too lazy?

Don’t worry, you have just conditioned yourself to be lazy. All you have to do is un-condition yourself. Sound hard? It is, sort of, but just start with a 24 hour audit of your life: 1. How do you spend your time? 2. When you are most productive? 3. What things do you need to do/have to be your most productive? This is not something you can sit down with and write out in 10 minutes. Start working, then audit yourself along the way. In no time, you will be more efficient, producing better whatever-it-is you are doing. But you HAVE to put in the time. Work ethic is EVERYTHING once you have your direction. You will never get there just looking at it.

Lesson #4 — Remember It Is A Direction, Not A Path

People fall in love with paths.

I did.

Paths are so easy.

When you are 22, just graduating college, the world is wide open. You can do anything, be anything, and go anywhere. What do you do? You look for a path. You try to find the, A + B = C. Ambiguity is not comforting, so you look for the certificates that lead to specific jobs, the degrees that lead to specific jobs, staying in school because you want more degrees, you know, the things you are familiar with. Why? Because they are comfortable. You do what your dad does, or what you mom does. Why? Because it’s a path, and it’s a hell of a lot easier to walk on a path than head in a general direction (even if your dreams are that way). It may be perfect for you, maybe your direction and path are smooshed together, but I would bet it is just an easy way out. It allows you to tell yourself you are doing the right thing.

“I know exactly what I am doing. Look at this path I am on.”

But really, you are just being lead. Handing in your individuality, your potential, the thing that makes you special, because it is a big ‘ol scary world with too many possibilities. Have you seen Room? The kid wants to go back to Room. Why? Because it is familiar, and small, and safe (sort of).

Don’t be lead astray my friend. You can just as easily get lost on a path.

When you follow your Northern Star you know where you are going, but you don’t necessarily know how you are going to get there. That’s okay, because you know every move in THAT direction is progress, and that’s what you need to do, make progress, every single day. Big steps. Baby steps.

Who cares? Just keep stepping.

What also becomes clear while following your Northern Star are the things that are definitely NOT on the path. A job offer, a trip, a friendship, a lunch, relationship, whatever. You can see it for what it is, and you can avoid it.

Something else happens as well, you start picking up things along the way that you can use later. You may not be sure how, but you know you will recognize it eventually along your journey.

Lesson #5 — Only Do The Things You Need To Be Better Once You Get There

This is the most amazing lesson.

Learn all the aspects of your Northern Star and you will be amazed at where it can take you.

All I can do is explain my story. I will bullet point it so it’s not too daunting. There was a huge surprise along the way as well. (I will get to that later.)

My Northern Star: Music

1. Learn how to record my music (first on GarageBand, then Ableton Live and Ozone)

New Skill: Producer, Audio Engineer

2. Need to deal with my past so I can move forward with my music (write a book)

New Skill: Author, Editor, E-Book Editor, Audio Book Producer, Distributor, Story-Teller

3. Need to promote myself and the book more, create more online presence, build an audience

New Skill: Social Media Marketer, Content Creator, Blogger, Vlogger, Video Editor, Photographer, Videographer

4. Need a website to promote the book

New Skill: Web Designer, Graphic Artist, Media Creator

5. Need to be on top of my game all the time

New Skill: Nutritionist, Sleep Consultant, Personal Trainer, Chef

6. Expand my reach as an author, writer, blogger, vlogger, designer, creative

New Skill: Social Media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube, etc.

That is all from just heading in a direction, the right direction. As things came up, I learned them. I added certain things that would be helpful to fulfill my purpose, I discarded the ones I knew wouldn’t. Now that I know how to do them for myself, I can do them for anybody, and I enjoy doing it.

This lead to my biggest surprise: I love music, but it is the creativity involved in music that I love the most. I love creating. I love making things awesome. As I learned new skills, I realized that I just like creating, period. My Northern Star is creating, having a vision and seeing it through, but I found it through music. I followed my Northern Star until I realized what my Northern Star truly was.

Now my options are wide open. Look at all the skills I gained? That can be applied all over the

world, to anyone!

I went from not knowing what the hell to do to having more options than I know what to do with, all by listening to myself, and following My Northern Star.

Please take a second and be quiet.

Just listen.

What are you saying to yourself?

Listen.

Now follow.

Enjoy the journey. Enjoy the happiness. Never stop pushing. You will get there.