For those of you that do not celebrate Christmas, just replace “Christmas” with “Birthday”, and you will get the same effect.
With the holiday season in full swing, I think this is the perfect time to share my theory.
Test Origins
This
actually started as The Birthday Test in 2004, not coincidentally, on
my birthday. As I thought about it more, I realized it was really a two
part test, Birthday & Christmas.
My epiphany that birthday?
“This birthday sucks!“
That’s it.
Tada!!
Keep it simple.
Just
for the record, it wasn’t in a spoiled brat kind of a way. Even when I
look back on it now, 12 years later, it really was a bad birthday,
mostly because I was in a bad place. I was single after being in a
relationship for 4 years with a wonderful girl who just wasn’t right for
me. I had just started my first career at the cost of smothering my
passion, I was in a tug-of-war between myself and what I thought myself
should be, and to avoid dealing with it all I was burying it in
partying.
It was not who I was. It was not who I wanted to be.
Something had to change.
(this
is a whole other essay in itself, but my changes were extreme, and
stupid. Why? Because I wasn’t really dealing with what I was feeling or
going through, so I just covered it up with what made sense, another
relationship and doubling down on my career. #dummy).
You
Have you ever had a s*** birthday?
Have you ever had a s*** Christmas (or whatever you celebrate)?
**On
a side note these tests will work with anyone except Jehovah’s
Witnesses. You guys don’t celebrate anything, so, I don’t know what to
say. Sorry for not having a test for you?
Anyways,
If you have ever had a s** birthday or Christmas, you have already taken the test, but you didn’t know it.
The Test
Christmas
and birthdays are inherently happy occasions. Singing, lights,
presents, candles, etc. They are fun, colorful, celebratory, great days.
At least they should be.
So if you find yourself having a bad one, consider it a test.
There is only one question: What the hell is going on?
J/K, kind of.
The question is, how do I change so this doesn’t happen again next year?
Notice I didn’t say, “How does he change? or she change?” It is, how do I change?
This
all starts and ends with you. As soon as you place the blame for your
unhappiness on anyone else, you lose. This is all you baby! Own it!
Your life not being right will never be more apparent than on a special day like Christmas or your birthday.
Those days should bring a smile to your face, and happiness to your heart. If they don’t, it is time to make a change.
Audit Your Life
As
hard as it is to be down on one of these special days, you will need to
dig deeper. What is bringing you down? How have you let it get to this
point? What can you do about it?
If
it is just a general depression because you don’t like getting older,
get over it. We all get older. Take really good care of yourself so you
aren’t falling apart in your 40s. There are easier ways to get older,
you just need to choose wisely.
So, what is the problem?
Relationships? Money? Weight? Health?
What is it?
How did you get here? What stories have you been telling yourself? How have you been justifying it?
This test is a slap in the face.
It will get your attention.
But you MUST deal with it appropriately.
What does that mean? You need to DEAL with it.
I have a good friend that just broke up with her boyfriend. What does she want to do to feel better?
Get a damn cat.
I
am cool with pets (I’m more of a dog person myself), but filling a void
when the “void” is fresh is the LAST thing you should do. You need to
deal with what you are, well, dealing with. Feel the feelings, sift
through your thoughts, and deal with it.
Filling a void is never filling the void, it is just covering the hole.
You
may not see it, but it’s there. Others may not see it, but it’s there.
You need to get down in there, clean it out, and start rebuilding. In
medicine it’s called debriding. When you have a deep wound (and that’s
what this test exposes), you need to basically cut to heal. Dig out all
the rotten flesh, the bacteria, the stuff that will keep you from
healing 100% and flush it all out. Once it is gone, the wound will heal
good as new, maybe even better.
Isn’t that what you want?
Don’t you want to take the feelings you are having right now and remove them forever?
Not cover, but recover?
This bad Christmas of yours is a gift.
It may look like a box of s***, but it’s The Christmas Test.
Not the thing you asked for but the thing you need.
Isn’t that how it always works out?
You don’t get what you want, you get what you need.
Well you have what you need.
Take the test.
Ace it.
And have a Happy Holiday.
To
all of you who find yourselves searching this holiday season and New
Year’s, keep going. Everything you need is out there. You find it with
hard work and honesty with yourself. I am here if you have any
questions, and there are authors/podcasters out there that can help you:
Tim Ferriss, James Altucher, Tony Robbins, Jordan Harbinger, Brian
Koppelman, Gary Vaynerchuk, Lewis Howes, and many more.
Keep pushing, keep look, keep asking questions, and keep being honest. It will all work out.
