Just One Joey: October 2016

Thursday, October 27, 2016

The Time Is Now

How many times have you heard this?

A billion?

I know.

Probably about as many times as you have heard, “It’s now or never.”

Don’t you hate it when you hear something over and over again only to realize that it is true?

It’s so cliché.

But so true.

*puke

I am going to teach you a word today. I am assuming I know more than you, I am assuming I know around the same amount as you, and I had to look this up.

The Word Of The Day

The word: inure

Pronunciation: en — yoor

Definition: accustom (someone) to something, especially something unpleasant.

How?

I know what you’re thinking, why and how would you get used to something unpleasant?

Here is the how: time, repetition, frequency.

Here is the why: time, repetition, frequency.

Wait, that’s the same thing?

I know.

I am not trying to be a wise-ass, I promise.

This is the backbone of my whole article.

No matter how bad something is, or how ugly, or in the way, unsafe, unhealthy, or anything else negative, the longer it is there, the more you see it, the more you become accustomed to it, the more you get used to it.

Before you know it, it’s normal.

It is no longer bad, or ugly, etc.

It is what it is.

You are used to it.

You have become inured to it.

Now it won’t change.

Because now you don’t need it to.

Examples

I will get progressively more extreme with each one.

1. The light in the bathroom needs replacing: After a while, it’s not laziness, you have just gotten used to the bathroom being a little bit darker. What’s the big deal? I see this all the time in January and February (speaking of lights). If you don’t take your lights down by January 1st, or the first weekend in January, they will be up until Easter (and if they are up until Easter, you might as well just keep them up all year, right?). You’ve been inured.

2. That extra 20 lbs you noticed when you tried to wear your clothes from last season. You know you need to lose it. You understand what extra weight does in terms of health. You keep meaning to sign up for the gym, eat healthier, drink a little less, but you keep putting it off. Maybe you are just big boned? Maybe it is just part of getting older? You make excuses. You put it off. You buy new clothes that fit. Problem solved! Right? Then the 20 lbs stays there. Then it’s 25. Then it’s 30. Then it’s 50. Voila! You’re inured.

3. You never thought in a million years that he would hit you. Sure he started yelling at you and putting you down a few month in to your relationship. But hitting? No way. Instead of leaving you rationalize it. If he is not an asshole, it must be his work stress, or money stress. Maybe it’s me? Then it happens again. And again. You learn to cover it up, deal with it. You don’t like it, but you get used to it. You just need to learn how to navigate around him when he is in a bad mood, or drunk, or high. No big deal. Now you are in an abusive relationship. You have become a battered wife. You have become the headlines in the news, a victim. How did this happen? You became inured.

We Do This All The Time

This is nothing new.

In fact, with it being political season, I think the race is a great example.

We got used to Trump.

We have seen him constantly for 30 years. That brash, egotistical, ass that we saw 30 years ago has

somehow become a beacon of light for a YUGE number of Americans.

How in the hell did that happen?

It has gotten to a point that “Donald being Donald” gives him the freedom to say some of the craziest s*** I have ever heard from a “serious” politician and people are okay with it.

He is bringing mass deportation (impossible), building walls (impossible and stupid, not sure which is more), blocking religious groups (racist, bigoted, etc.), grabbing pussies (crime), and insinuating that polls are rigged and that the second amendment should be used on those who oppose him (inciting a riot, suggesting murder, creating divisions).

We are okay with that. It is not shocking anymore.

Trump is the best example of our ability to inure.

We got used to him. Now he may be our president.

Think about that.

The Time Is Now

Why is the time now?

Why is it now or never?

Because of our ability to inure.

Humans are amazing. We are resilient. Our ability to adjust and adapt is unparalleled on this planet.

But what if we are adjusting and adapting when we should be turning around? When we should be going the other way, or another direction at least?

But we don’t.

If we let it happen once we are opening the door for it happening twice, then three times, then four.

Pretty soon, it just is what it is.

Inured.

We got used to it.

We don’t notice it any more.

It is right in front of us and we can’t even see it for what it is.

Get Action

Sit down right now. Make a list of everything you have been meaning to do and haven’t gotten around to. Now take one step, today, to do one thing, for each of those things. Build up some momentum and “get action.” Start doing right now. You will get used to it if you don’t. You have gotten used to it up to this point. Break the cycle and get action.

It may be big.

It may be small.

But the time is now.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Prop 60

In case you don’t live in California, or aren’t paying attention to the upcoming election (besides the dumpster fire presidential race), this is Prop 60:

Requires adult film performers to use condoms during filming of sexual intercourse. Requires producers to pay for performer vaccinations, testing, and medical examinations. Requires producers to post condom requirement at film sites.

The Democrats oppose it.

The Republicans oppose it.

See! They can agree on something! They want their porn raw and dirty.

Finally. Working together for the common good.

Way to go everyone! Congratulations!

Condoms? Really?

I can only think of two reasons why this would be a big enough deal to have on the ballot: 1. Someone, somewhere actually thinks that porn stars are role models or 2. There are so many people in the porn industry that this is affecting a lot more people than we realize, or want to realize.

Number 2 is interesting, but I don’t have much to add. There are either a lot of porn stars or there aren’t. Who knows? More importantly, who cares? Unless you are one, or are looking for one.

Number 1 is where my money is. Porn star role models?

Just to be clear on my position (no pun intended), if your role model is a porn star, you need to worry about a lot more than a condom. Well, actually, wear a condom so you don’t reproduce. Please. For all of our sakes.

No matter how I look at it, I don’t understand how someone who has sex for a living is a role model.

I know most of you reading this have seen some porn in your life, so let’s go to the extreme to make my point. Let’s just say, hypothetically, that a woman is in a scene where she needs protection from multiple “co-stars.” That’s your role model? Really? Do you really think you are going to take someone home, and when you are ready to “make sweet love,” you will reflect on the chick putting everyone’s everything “everywhere” and go, welp, if she did it, I should too! Yay protection!! Yay porn star role models!!

Is that the scenario being played out in their heads?

Jenna Jameson, my hero?

If she is a hero, why aren’t prostitutes heroes?

They do the same thing, but one is in private, and the other one WAY public.

I don’t get it.

What the hell is the difference between porn and prostitution?

Distribution

That’s it.

Weird, huh?

The only difference between porn and prostitution is distribution.

If don’t let anyone see you hump it’s a crime.

If you let everyone see you hump, it’s legitimate.

Does that sound crazy to you too?

If I were a pimp, I would hand out masks, film it, and put it on the ol’ interwebs. Then it’s legal. Then it’s legitimate.

Customers worried about other people finding out? Guess what? That means they are watching some low production value, dirty, prostitute porn. That puts them in no position to question what you are doing because they have to explain what in the hell they are doing.

If it is really any issue, wear a body suit, or something to cover everything except your twig and berries.

I don’t know why I am giving suggestions. I am sure you will figure it out.

They may need to wear condoms starting in a few weeks, but other than that, they will be legitimate.

Pimps and ho’s.

Ho’s and pimps.

You are welcome.

Yes on Prop 60?

Why not.

Monday, October 24, 2016

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Lewis Howes

I have been listening to Lewis Howes for about a year now on The School Of Greatness Podcast. It was refreshing to hear the questions turned on him. He lays out the framework for achievement in this interview. There is something all of us can learn from him, no matter where you are in your career.

I have taken his interview on 30 Days of Genius with Chase Jarvis, extracted the information, and used it to answer common questions by readers just like you, who are looking to take their lives to the next level, or at least a different level than the one they are on.

Please enjoy.

I Want To Do Something Big, But Where Do I Start?

I love this question, because this was me. I always knew I wanted to do something big. When things didn’t go the way I expected in my early 20’s, I was completely thrown off. I had to build everything from scratch, so I know exactly where you are.

Your first step needs to be your vision.

Who are you? What are you passionate about? What do you want out of life? Who is the real you?

I believe that we are all put here for a reason, but you need to figure out what that reason is. Go out, be by yourself, get out in to nature or whatever it is that allows you to clear your head and find yourself.

Once you have that vision, you can start taking action.

Set goals for yourself 3 months out, 6 months out, 12 months out. What do you want to create in that time? Do something that seems scary. Give yourself a challenge. What you will end up doing is backwards mapping towards that goal. You will find mentors that have information you need, build skills that help you reach that goal, and organize your days and weeks to build yourself up towards those goals.

I approach work similarly to how I approach sports. You have a season, a goal, practices, strategies, schedules, and games. People don’t create enough deadlines for themselves. They get so caught up in doing what they do they don’t step back and evaluate their progress, stress their comfort zones, make sure they are building effectively, or building at all.

Next, you create a structure to ensure productivity. It sounds counter-intuitive, but structure creates freedom. Setting your day up for success by having routines, building a team of mentors and accountability partners, and then working your butt off every day. Combine that with your short term goals, and you will be succeeding in no time.

Productivity is all about momentum. It is vital to start your day strong so you can carry that momentum with you all day. Sleep, meditation, gratitude exercises, healthy eating, and game plans in place are essential to my day to help not only start, but keep that momentum up.

How Do I Make Sure I Stay Level-Headed While Building Up?

It all starts with gratitude.

It’s hard to be angry, depressed, or mean when you are grateful. When I get in to a dark funk, I list off all the things I am grateful for and I feel better. This is structured too. I know when I feel down, the structure tells me to focus on gratitude, and it works.

Remember it is all about people.

We were born to connect. Put in the work to build relationships, make connecting a part of your structure, and appreciate those people in your life now and all along your journey.

Live a life of service. I don’t mean volunteer all day every day, but look at what you do and what you are trying to do and ask yourself: how can I help the maximum number of people? How can I have the biggest impact?

You add value for people, then you learn how to monetize it. But it is value first. Develop your skills, make the connections, and create the structure in order to give the most value.

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Show them by giving them the most value in every situation.

Quotes

“Money will come when you are ready for it.”

“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Lewis Howes Links

Chase Jarvis Links

Joey Links

Why I Fast

Today I am starting my fourth 5-day water fast of 2016.

Once a quarter for the year.

The main reason I do it is for health, but there are many others.

Health Benefits

It helps regenerate the immune system, promotes longevity by reducing degenerative conditions, allows the body to thoroughly “clean” its cells, and it is a cancer fighter.

Cancer fighter?

Yup.

I hate to say it, but we all have cancer cells in us, slowly growing from year to year, waiting for the right conditions to potentially ruin our lives.

The good news is, just like everything else, cancer needs a fuel source to survive in our bodies.

Fasting restricts a major fuel source for cancer, sugar. Without that fuel source, those cancerous cells, and all of the tiny tumors in our body, shrivel up and die.

Sounds like a great preventative measure to me!

Hungry for a few days to help prevent cancer later in life?

Sold!

Cancer is a mother f***er.

In case you are wondering, I understand that I still may get it, but at least I will know I did everything to prevent it. There is peace of mind in leaving it all out on the field.

I don’t understand the mentality of people that say, “well, I’m gonna die from something!” and then proceed to treat their body like dog poop. Makes no sense to me. Life is difficult, aging is going to be hard for everyone. Why wouldn’t you give yourself the best opportunity to thrive? Be very wary of people that don’t care enough to try. You only get one life. This is not a dress rehearsal. Act accordingly.

Other Benefits

1. Time

So much glorious time!

I don’t work out during fasting weeks. I do a lot of stretching, foam rolling, and dog walking (my dog loves fasting weeks). I don’t get the boost of energy I hear some people getting after the first three days. I feel weak, I feel light-headed when I stand up, so I don’t want to push it. If I did anything, it would be light weights, minor calisthenics, but not much more.

Working out time:

4 runs.

60ish minutes per.

20 minutes of total drive time per.

20 minutes of dressing, undressing, showers, etc. per.

= 6.75 hours

5 lifting sessions

80ish minutes per.

20 minutes of dressing, undressing, showers, etc. per.

15 minutes of smoothie making/eating per.

= ~ 9 hours

Food Prep + eating time:

~ 20 minutes of prep/eating for breakfast + lunch.

(I still need to make dinner for my wife and daughter, so that doesn’t count).

+ the time it takes to get back in to whatever project I was working on after I have been up making food and eating. I will say at least 15 minutes per meal, not including snacks, = 45 min per day.

= ~ 7 hours

Total Time Saved: ~22.75 hours in 5 days!!

That is 2 full work days saved in just 5 days.

Think about the productivity!

I can get so much done, it’s unbelievable.

Granted, there is a little brain fog later on in the week, but I have an enormous amount of time to work!

I can get so much done!!!

2. Mental strength

How many of us let our stomachs lead us throughout the day? I’m hungry, my blood sugar is low, I need nourishment, blah blah blah. Once you realize you don’t need to listen to your stomach you can take even more control of your day. You can skip lunch and power through because you have tested yourself already. You are a trooper. You don’t really need it, you have just conditioned yourself to think you need it.

It also shows you that you eat when you aren’t hungry at all (which is where most of us pick up the extra pounds). This helps you distinguish between real hunger and eating when you are supposed to (12 for lunch, 6 for dinner, etc) or eating because you are bored.

3. Religious strength

Fasting is a major component in all of the major religions. In fact, I thought fasting was only for religious reasons when I was younger. It sounded crazy to me. As I got older and learned all of the health benefits, it made me appreciate the religious factors even more. Rejuvenating the body? Building the immune system? Reducing cancer risks? And slowing the degenerative aging process? It’s incredible. Scriptures were written thousands of years ago, before modern science, before labs, before anything we would call credible by today’s standards, and here is this gem at the heart of many scriptures, fasting. I think it’s amazing, but that may just be me (which I am okay with).

Living Blog (10/24/16–10/28/16)

I will be editing this blog throughout the week, updating how I am feeling, what is difficult, what is easy, etc.

Please follow along this journey of mine, and ask any questions you like.

Have a great week.

Facebook

40 Hour Check-In

Didn’t start getting hungry until about 10:30am on day 1. I do intermittent fasting periodically, so it is no big deal up to this point. In fact, I don’t expect it to be much of a deal at all. I have done this before, many times for 24 hours, so I am used to it.

One thing that I always forget about fasting is being cold. Because your body is not working hard on digesting food, or recovering from workouts, it is colder than I am used to. What is funny is, my wife is always the cold one and I am always looking at her like she is crazy because I am hot and she is sitting there with a blanket. Last night, our roles were reversed.

The first issue I had was dinner. I do all the cooking so I am looking at this beautiful stovetop of freshly made raviolis and homemade tomato sauce, it smells amazing, I know it tastes amazing because of the looks on my wife and daughter’s faces. Ugh. I am hungry.

Still sleeping well. I expect it to get worse the longer I am fasting. This should be my hardest day. Between 48–72 hours, when your body is most likely transitioning in to ketosis is the hardest.

Headaches, body aches, still hungry, feeling a little weak, etc. By the time I hit the 72 hours mark (noon on Wednesday 10/26) I should be good. Then I will have 48 hours of solid ketosis to go in and reset my system, shrink cancer cells, and detox my body.

There is one little hack I started doing this fast that I have not done the others. Granted, it is putting something in to my system other than water, but it is nothing too significant. On the first and second morning I drink a glass of water (duh) with baking soda and lime juice. In my mind, part of detoxing is getting all of the “crap” (pun intended) out of my system so it can heal. Well if I am not eating, then what is going to move all the waste out of my system, especially by day 2? The baking soda and lime help pull water in to the upper intestines where food may still be waiting to pass, activates that region, then helps flush it out (in to the toilet in case that was not clear). It is a little cheat, but I think it will help in the long run. Just wanted to be clear about everything I am doing so you may have a reference for your potential fast.

67 Hour Check-In

Sleep last night was rough.

I feel weak and mentally out of it.

Drinking a ton of water during the day seems to help, but you can’t do that at night. I had to curtail my water intake a few hours before I went to bed to make sure I didn’t pee all over myself or have to get up 20 times during the night.

Not good sleep.

I can feel my heart beat all night, which is not very comforting. I took my HRV (heart rate variability) yesterday morning. It was low (6) and my resting heart rate was about 10 beats faster than normal.

When I got up this morning both were back to normal, which was comforting.

Honesty, I almost got up and ended the fast last night multiple times. If I feel the same way tonight that I did last night I will call it quits. It doesn’t feel right, and I don’t want to take any chances.

I have done this before and felt better, I am not sure what the difference would be this time.

If I do bow out, I think it is important for you all to understand how vitally important it is to come off of a fast slowly. I mean really slow. This is something that I have not done well the last three times. Once I start eating, everything tastes so fricken good, I eat WAY more than I should. Keep in mind, I get full very easily because my system has been shut down for almost a week, so I am not eating a ton of food, but definitely more than I should.

This time I will be coming off of it with a cup of bone broth, some juice, and then easily digestible fruits and carbs. A little white rice, or some pasta. Things that are higher in carbs but easy on the digestive system.

Remember, you entire digestive system has been turned off, meaning it can’t process anything initially. You need to warm the engine back up. Whatever you shove in your face at the end of this will just sit in your gut. Be cognizant of that.

Another check in at 90ish hours.

Update

I failed.

I had to pull the chord at about 73 hours.

I was having palpitations and tried to offset it with some calcium, Vit D3, and magnesium, but it didn’t feel much better.

Not sure what happened. I have done this before and this may have been my worst experience.

In spite of my frustration, I do feel very good. I just wish I had gotten to remain in ketosis for the 48 hours I was planning on. There are many benefits to a 72 hours fast, but I was really looking for the full 120.

I may mix it up a little next time, start the supplements earlier, maybe add some exogenous ketones in the beginning the ease the transition.

I also may need to come to the reality that my palpitations and arrhythmia will limit my fasting the same way it limits my running. I have done the full scope of tests with a cardiologist, knowing that I will need an ablation, but without being able to catch the arrhythmia on a monitor, and not having anything visibly wrong with my heart in other tests, I just have to deal with it.

If you are a practitioner of fasting and have any suggestions I would love to hear them. Please don’t hesitate in contacting me. The more feedback and insight the better.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Be healthy!

Thursday, October 20, 2016

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Ramit Sethi

Every interview I have ever heard with Ramit is completely packed with gems. Simple, strategic, actionable advice that you can start using the second you hear it, and start changing your life.

Please enjoy.

How Do I Go From Zero To One?

First, recognize that you cannot do everything at once. If you want to do this long term, and you want to do it well, you have to be able to step back, look at the big picture, and take one step at a time.

Second, find people that are actually doing what you want to be doing. Study them. This isn’t about reinventing the wheel, this is about becoming successful. They have already done it. It is up to you to see how and apply it to yourself. You don’t have to start at square one, but don’t start at square 10. The best strategy is to start small, get great at a few things, and then slowly add on to them.

Look at the best. Study the best. Notice how they did things differently. How can you do what they do? Take it one step at a time. There are probably two or three people you greatly admire. Most likely, they did it differently the “norm.” Pay attention to that. The big secret is, everyone is trying to get you to play it safe, the sure thing, make you vanilla, but as soon as you are like everyone else you are like everyone else. Now you blend in, now you disappear. Play it smart, start it small, and build slowly but surely.

So many of us want to jump ahead in our dreams. We don’t want to start small, or start at the beginning. If we sing we want to be at Madison Square Garden this weekend. If we are painting we want to be at the Louvre next week. Our startup needs to be Facebook by next year. We want the things, the private jets, the fancy clothes, the big house, but we don’t want to take the steps to get there. Patience is a necessity if you want any kind of longevity in the game.

Patience, discipline, and craftsmanship, that’s where you need to start building from. Your success will be a series of subtle, but tough decisions. One step at a time. One skill at a time. One job at a time.

You will need to plug your ears a lot. Not literally, but, well, maybe literally sometimes. Everyone in your life is going to have an opinion about whatever it is that you are trying to do. Be comfortable saying no, and staying focused on what you are good at, and what is going help you reach your goals.

0–1 is all about the basics, the fundamentals.

“Losers have goals, winners have systems.” — Scott Adams

It is about habits and processes.

Your day is whatever you create it to be. I can tell your priorities by looking at your calendar and your bank account. Where you spend your time and what you spend your money on determine who you are. Not who you want to be, not who you say you are, but who you really are.

So who are you?

We all know what we are supposed to do, but we don’t do it. You need to learn your style, learn how you work your best, and then work your schedule around that.

When are you most productive?

When are you least productive?

When is the best time for meetings?

When is the best time for working out?

How do you feel in the morning? Are you tired? Do you have energy all day? How do you sleep?

Questions like these are vital in the world of 0–1. Remember, it is the fundamentals, the basics.

Don’t look for gimmicks, look for what matters.

Health, sleep, productivity, relationships, etc. If you can’t win at those, you won’t be able to win at anything else. Prioritize.

This is the time that you are learning how to learn and learning how to work. More specifically, how you work.

This is the time for honesty. Ask the tough questions, give the tough answers, and adjust. Make the changes necessary.

A lot of us want to skip the obvious to get to the novel. Find value in the utility, not the novelty.

Master the basics then move on to the more difficult. You need to understand the game being played around you and you need to win at THAT game. Play it. Master it.

How Do I Go From One To Ten?

This where people get caught up. As soon as you get a little comfortable you feel you made it. In reality, you are just at the tip of “making” it. All you have done is learned how to do what you do at the basic level. Just knowing something isn’t enough.

This is the time when your business becomes sexier, more exciting. You can start implementing cooler things, bigger things. But this is also when it becomes more challenging. Don’t be the guy/gal that talks themselves out of going to the next level because you are comfortable. There is so much more out there than what you are seeing right now.

Just understand that the habits that got you here will not get you there.

This is the time you start breaking down your business, studying competition, developing your business model. This requires hard work, patience, a focus on the long perspective, possibly giving up control on some things to focus on others, focus on the big picture. This is when you become a real business, and a real entrepreneur.

What Is Some General Advice To Entrepreneurs?

Go through the mess to find the gems. Work, create, build, and rebuild. If you are focused on the big picture everything you do will help you get to the next step. Even if it is not successful directly, it will be indirectly.

Teach the market to revere your work. Don’t play the sales game, unless you are looking for mass consumption. Make a great product, believe in it, and set it at the full price. If it’s not good enough to draw people in at the real price, it’s not good enough period.

Master the skills to be able to talk about your craft and how you are different, better than your competition. Vibe with your clients, separate yourself. Know your competition, and be able to differentiate. Build trust, add value, & educate them. Know what you are good at so you don’t take a job that will not get 100%. What you need to understand is when you truly connect, price is trivial. If they ask price first, before they even know your service or how your service is different than others, they might not be the right customer. Be ready for it so you don’t fall in to the trap.

Never beg for work. Either you are amazing, or you aren’t. Either you are right for the job or you aren’t.

Quotes

“The habits that got you here will not get you there.”

“There are no gatekeepers except one (us). If you get the basics right, you are setting yourself up for great success and a rich life.”

“Smart creatives know their style and admit it, then work their schedule around that.”

“Set a small goal, win, and then add to it.”

“The world tries to make you vanilla, but as soon as you do, the world abandons you, because you’re just like everybody else.”

Ramit Sethi Links

I Will Teach You To Be Rich — Website

Growthlab.com/400k

The Briefcase Technique

Chase Jarvis Links

Joey Links

30 Days Of Genius Blog: Sir Mix-A-Lot

This interview has been the most pleasant surprise so far. I only knew him as the “Baby Got Back” guy, but he is so much more.

Please enjoy.

How Can I Be Great At Something?

The first step is you have to WANT something.

This takes some serious self-reflection, because you want to make sure YOU want it. Too many people “like” what they think they are supposed to, and end up unhappy. I started out messing with gadgets and electronics, and it opened doors to everything else. You run in to danger when the foundation is not set on something solid, on something that is truly you, tied to who you are.

Once you figure out what that something is that you want, you can start honing in on your identity. When you are growing up, you don’t really have a sense of who you are. You try on different hats. Some fit, some don’t. Some are good, some get you in trouble. As you have these experiences you start cutting out the things you know are not you so you can focus on the things that are you.

Everyone has a calling. There is something out there that you are supposed to do. You fight it, because different is uncomfortable, especially when you are younger. You are looking for a cookie cutter, easy approach to life. Fight this. There is something out there, you just need to find it. The more you do, the more you explore, the more you create, you start finding things you are good at, things you really enjoy, and that’s where greatness lies.

After I Find That “Something,” What Do I Do?

1. Talk to all the successful people you know.

It doesn’t matter what field they are in, success is success is success. There are bits and pieces that you can take from everyone around you and apply it.

One thing that I found in my discussions is work was work, but it was also leisure. Work is what they loved to do. From the outside it looked like they worked too much. From the inside, they were having a blast. All of that comes from my answer to question one. When you find that something, it changes everything.

2. Work hard.

Our life is our habits, and our habits are our life. Get in to the habit of busting your butt. Chances are you won’t have much money at the beginning, and that’s ok. One thing that I found, but didn’t realize until I got there, was that necessity breeds creativity. When I didn’t have much, I had to work with what I had available to me. Working with different sounds and equipment, taking on tasks because I didn’t have money to hire someone (like MCing my songs, not what I was looking to do. But look what happened!). Once I “made it” and had all the gear I could ever want, I got lazy. I wasn’t as creative. And my work suffered. Appreciate the creativity you will have to develop when you are starting out, when you are striving to make something from nothing. Remember that feeling for later.

Don’t let the amount of work deter you from your dream. If it was easy to be successful, everyone would be successful. Hard work is preparation for a lucky day. Get yourself ready!

Expose your work to as many people as possible, and expose yourself to as much work as possible. It is hard to get a true scope of your ability level until it is compared to other peoples’ work. I am not saying compare your work to others, but compare it (if you know what I mean). I thought we were killing it until I did shows with NWA. It took my vision for what I could be and wanted to be to a whole new level. Without it I would still be thinking small. Exposure forces you to think outside yourself, to something you didn’t even know you could be. You HAVE to give yourself that opportunity.

3. Be you.

No matter what level you get to, stay connected to the real you, the old you. Success can be the nail in your coffin. There is a lot of work that comes after that, but you need to be grounded in who you are.

Knowing who you are will help you pass on things that don’t fit you and focus on the things that are you. Success comes with new opportunities. Low hanging fruit and big paychecks will be tempting.

You need to make sure you are focusing on the long game. What is your brand? How are you going to grow that brand? Expand your name? Be thinking of that from day one. Chasing the dollar will only lead to heartbreak (and bank account-break).

Success

Once you gain success, you need to figure out how you did it. When you are coming up you are trying anything. Once you reach a certain point, you need to look back and evaluate how you got there, so you can recreate it.

Connecting with the real you will also keep you hungry. Success can breed laziness. Once you are there, success will be much harder to come by. Laziness is a success killer. You have to keep in the chase. You have to keep wanting. Keep striving. You need the journey. That’s the truly satisfying part of it.

Never forget that no matter what your level of success, you didn’t do it alone. Some people will have bigger parts than others, but it is a collective. Never forget those people. Forgetting them is forgetting yourself.

Quotes

“If you are comfortable with your success you won’t have it very long. Remain hungry.”

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Wednesday, October 19, 2016

The Hardest Thing To Teach

Part of the reason why I write is to force myself to lay out my philosophies on life for my daughter.

Not to be morbid, but we are all going to die one day. When that is, no one knows. The more I write, the more she will have for later, (if we don’t get the chance to do it while I am still here).

That’s it.

That’s my big secret.

This is all so she has everything in writing. All the advice I want to give her, but might never get the chance.

One Thing

There are certain things I want to teach her, qualities I want her to have. Things I know will allow her to be an awesome adult. Kill it at work, be a great mother, a wonderful wife, and a good human being. Things like: grit, hard work, humility, compassion, insight, reflection, etc. Like any parent, I want my daughter to be amazing.

The thing I want her to learn the most, the one that will allow her to open up all of those other qualities is, I think, the hardest one to accomplish: Not caring what other people think. I mean ZERO regard for what other people think.

Why is this so hard?

Because it is a precarious balance between self-awareness, humility and ego.

She has to be able to not care what people think because she is so self-aware, so observant, so well-thought-out, so intentional, and so sure of herself, that she know exactly what she is doing and why she is doing it, even if it doesn’t necessarily make sense to other people.

Not worry about others’ perception at all.

But it has to come from a place of power not weakness.

Three Types Of Not Caring

1. The Egomaniac

2. The Pre-Emptive Defensive

3. The Rock

The first two are extreme examples. I think most of us fall in to a combination of the two, which usually manifests itself as ego. We shoot ourselves in the foot by acting either too big or too small in a given situation. We are either blindly over-confident or feeble in our abilities, and that eventually bites us in the a**. We either don’t try at all, don’t take the chance when we have the opportunity, don’t speak up when we should, or get in to something we have no business being in and getting b**** slapped. Not literally of course. Well, maybe literally in some cases.

The Egomaniac: You all know people like this. They think they are always right (in a bad way), they can’t handle hearing no, they remove people from their lives that disagree with them, they are narcissistic, probably run through friends regularly, always mad at someone, generally not fun to be around. It’s all about them, all the time.

Being an egomaniac is not synonymous with failing, but how you win is just as important as winning. If you win because you are a prick, and don’t listen to anyone else, you may be successful, but I guarantee you will not be as successful as you could be. These people, generally not self-reflective, not great listeners, which means they are not good collaborators, have a ceiling. They can only go so high because of their ego.

The Pre-Emptive Defensive: The best way I can describe this is the gothic punk rocker in the movie Big Daddy. He walks around in all black, sticking out like a sore thumb, confidence in his stride like he gets it and no one else does, but as soon as Sandler’s character calls him on it, “you’re mad at your father, you’re not mad at me,” his whole façade crumbles in to a pile of tears.

There are people that are confident and really don’t care what you think, and there people that try to push you away at the beginning because they care about what you think so much, they don’t want to have an honest evaluation. This comes in the form of how you dress, like a “gutter” punk for instance, or how you act. The person that always says something inappropriate and then acts like they are too abrasive for the room is doing the same thing as the person with the Mohawk and studded jacket. Push you away so you can’t evaluate them honestly. They don’t want to take the risk of putting themselves out there and being rejected.

Again, a little more difficult to tell that the egomaniac, but if you keep an eye on them you will understand if it comes from confidence or insecurity. One thing that I look at with punk rockers, if you really are an individual and don’t care what people think, why are you dressing exactly like all the other “anti” establishment punk rockers? I want my punks to look like Bad Religion and NOFX. They could be filling your gas tank, building a computer, or teaching at UC Berkeley. You can’t tell because they aren’t wearing a uniform. Or, they have confidence.

The Rock: This is where we all should aspire to be. This is where I want my daughter. This is all about knowing you strengths and weaknesses. You work from your strengths and bring in people to offset your weaknesses. You know exactly who you are. You have a strong moral character, you understand the work involved in success and are willing to do it, you pick a profession that actually fits you not one that sounds good or looks good, and you put yourself in a place of learning and openness to receive the goodness that is coming your way.

Bottom line is you know who you are. This allows you to connect with things that fit you and to pass on things that don’t. You aren’t swayed by the wind or pushed by the ocean because you are a rock.

You are not going anywhere.

You can listen, evaluate, push away, say no, adjust, learn, respect, and grind. That is a winning combination in any arena.

The Start

It all starts with confidence.

True confidence.

One that is earned through self-reflection, evaluation, discipline, hard work, love, and respect.

One that is earned by taking people and yourself head on, asking the difficult questions, making the difficult sacrifices, and coming out better in the end.

Wouldn’t we all be better because of this?

Shouldn’t we want this for ourselves?

Shouldn’t we want this for our kids?

Then let’s learn it for us so we can give it to them.

It may be the greatest gift you can ever give them: confidence.