Public School Marketing Ideas For 2017

I can’t think of an “industry” that needs this more, especially in California, where sky rocketing home prices, combined with the influx of charter schools is creating a steep decline in the public school population.

It’s sad.

As a product of public schooling all the way through my M.A. (that’s a masters, not Massachusetts. That wouldn’t even make sense), I hate to see it lose its footing the way it has.

We have great public school, with great public school teachers, but something has to change, and fast.

That’s why I am writing this essay, to help the public schools of California, and may be the rest of the country as well. With Betsy DeVos at the helm, you guys will need all the help you can get, and then some. Yikes!

The Strategy

Become a company, at least in the marketing and advertising aspect.

Apple. Nike. Mercedes.

What do they have that you don’t? Money. Just kidding.

A marketing department, duh!

There is no need for a whole division of new employees, but there should be 3–5 in every school district, where all they do, 365 days a year, is produce content for your school district. Get you out there in any and every way, all over the internet.

Think about it.

There are no limitations to the amount of content you could create for an entire school district. Hell, if you want to get serious, have a marketing director at each school.

The whole concept of bell to bell is over, or it needs to be over, if you want a shot at saving this system. Go outside the school hours, off the campus, and on to the phones (cell phones, we aren’t starting a call center here).

The longer you wait, the harder it will be to recover.

The Possibilities

The goals? Content every single day, in as many ways as possible.

Photos, videos, short-films, blogs, vlogs, podcasts, books, seminars (whew), on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, Music.ly, YouTube, Medium, Quora, LinkedIn and anything else that pops up in the next few years.

Do everything. Be everywhere.

Videos/Short-films/Documentaries/Vlogs:

1. Stories of students, teachers, workers, parents, former students, a school’s history, etc.

2. Create a TV show. Create multiple TV shows. Life of a high schooler, life of a teacher, etc. Change it up every semester. Like Hard Knocks, but school. (We all know what Hard Knocks is, right? Good).

3. A sports show. Make your own ESPN. Get footage from photo/video students for all of the sporting events and make your own show. Have hosts, tell stories, or just copy FS1 and ESPN!

4. Have subject matter vlogs. There is no reason why a district can’t create their own Khan Academy. Each subject/grade level shares the duty (*snicker) of creating the content. Explanations, videos, charts, etc. Hell, there should be a video post of all of the explanations from class that day online for students to be able to reference anyways. It would be great for the students and hold the teachers more accountable to actually teaching.

Blogs/Books/Podcasts

1. You are inundated with experts. Use their knowledge to create. Blogs on different subject matter, podcasts for those kids who can’t read (they exist, I’m sorry). Give, give, give content, expertise, information, value.

2. Create a Q&A podcast. Teachers answer students’ questions in a particular subject or lesson, then it is up there for all to see! Helping future students forever!

3. Once you get enough Qs and As, you compile it to create a book. Experts write so they can share their expertise. Could you imagine if a parent received a book (available on Kindle and Audible of course) at the beginning of each year describing what the students would be learning, changes they would be going through both physically and emotionally, and getting you prepared for everything? It would be amazing!!

I know what you teachers are going to say, “But we do stuff like that already! We have meetings, we help kids. Waaah.” That’s great, but your school or school district is losing kids every single year, it’s time to step up your game.

Ugh, I know what the other teachers are going to say too, “but my school has a waiting list! We are doing fine!” Wrong, you are not. You are in the “rich” area of your district and parents think your school is better because of that. They think there are better teachers in the wealthier areas, because the “scores” are higher. That is not the case at all. Your students are nerds. If you were really good, you could go downtown and kick ass there too. Not going to happen? That’s what I thought. Just admit that you are limited, and that you are not the only school in the district. Team effort here people.

The Socials

Be on everything.

I mean, E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram (and their stories), Snapchat (especially this), Music.ly, etc.

Take your new-fangled media department, and divide them throughout the district. Take pics of students learning, kids having fun, teachers teaching, snaps, stories, boomerangs (Instagram), etc. Do it all. Go where the people are. Be relatable. Be on their phone, not just bell to bell. Not just the parent letter home each week, the conference once a semester, the discipline call, or the open house night. Be there. Every single day. Let them see you. Let them see that you see them. Everyone is important, everyone is a star in your district. Share, share, share, give, teach, learn, inspire!

Seminars

Forget the lame parent nights, give seminars on important stuff for kids and parents in general. Have it in a centrally located venue. Invite the community. Invite experts. Share knowledge other than when the cookie drive is. There are so many questions, districts need to own it more. I know they have parent meetings, but really it’s just a check mark.

“See! We did it! Our parents are informed now!”

Really?

How many peoples showed up?

3.5? (was 4, one left early).

People show up when they are given value. No one there? No value being offered. At least not real value.

Seriously, would you go to some of the meetings you have? HELL NO!

So why would they?

You get the outcome you deserve, not the one you want. It’s obvious when you do something because you have to (and there is a lot of that). Stop blowing smoke up the parents’ ass. Hell, stop blowing smoke up your own ass that what you are doing is valuable and working. The proof is in the pudding, and in the numbers.

The New You

Stop putting ads on Pandora. I don’t want to see the 8 Ivy League kids from your district, each one coincidentally a different race (so we all feel included) on my movie screen at the mall. Stop taking half ass measures with half ass effort and half ass results. It’s not working. You are losing full classes of kids from each school every year. How long are you doing to do the same ol thing?

Hopefully you think about this over the weekend, get a little fire going, and take charge of your schools and your district.

Develop a media team (not teachers on their spare time, that’s stupid), rally the teachers, and get going.

Oh, and teachers, stop looking at your dumb ass contracted hours and work like you actually give a shit about your students, school, and job. Unions are only good for the weakest link. Hopefully that’s not you. If you are mad about that last statement, it probably is.

Let’s do this.

Good luck!

Joey

MediaMedia

Breathe Motherf***er

Tim Ferriss: “If you could put a billboard anywhere and have it say anything, what would be?”

Wim Hof: “Breathe motherf***er!” (I don’t know why I * out letters, it’s not like you don’t know what I’m saying).

And that’s where I got this title from.

The song was originally called “Breathe,” but when I got to the heavy part in the middle, it just fit too well to not use it.

It is the perfect title for this song, and technically, The Wim Hof Method is exactly what this song is all about:

Breathing.

Good ‘Ol O2

The basic idea around the Wim Hof Method is to get the carbon dioxide out of your system, to allow for more oxygen in your system.

How do you do it? By breathing. His technique, specifically, is 30 deep breaths in a session.

The benefits are:

1. Boosted energy levels.

2. Lowered stress levels

3. Strengthening your immune system

4. Faster recovery

5. Improved focus and concentration

6. Improved sleep

7. Mood enhancement

8. Improved circulation

So why would anyone tell anyone else to “breathe mother***er”? Because no matter what you are going through, you have to remember to breathe. All of those benefits happen when you bring in oxygen and release the carbon dioxide. Doing that calms you, refocuses you, allows you to assess the situation with a clear(er) mind, and hopefully deal with the situation in a healthier, more beneficial way.

It helps you deal with……

Bad Days & Bad People

The first step in a solution to everything.

Bad day? Breathe.

Stressed? Breathe.

Assholes? Breathe.

Argument? Breathe.

“It is nothing you can’t handle.”

It is so difficult, in the heat of the moment, or the midst of the crisis, to recognize the fact that you have been in similar situations and made it out ok. Taking a breath gives you a tiny window of reflection to remember that. Does that make your current situation any less difficult? Of course not. It’s called a crisis for a reason. But you made it through before. In fact, you have always made it through. Even when it felt like you were never going to make it through you did it, against the odds, and against your expectations. If you hadn’t you wouldn’t be here today.

This time is no different.

The Power You Give It

If we are honest with ourselves, we can admit that no one makes us feel sadness, anger, fear, or sorrow.

We allow them to. We give them the power.

People are going to do what they are going to do, it is up to you to allow it to affect you or not.

They can push you, pull you, try to tear you down, but you don’t have to let them. You can use all of your strength to ward off their attacks.

It starts with breathing.

In with the good, out with the bad.

You know, hippie stuff.

This song is a reminder from you for you (FYFY). Don’t forget that you are the one that lets negativity in, and you are the one that can keep it out. They can try relentlessly to break you down, and they do, but you never will. You have the power to block them out, to bend but not break, and to stand strong.

It could be better, it could be worse, that’s why you need to take a step back and breathe. Gain some perspective, then move on and move forward.

Breathe Motherf***er

on Soundcloud

Peace In All The Noise: iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, Spotify

Breathe in,
 it’s nothing you cant handle, no.
 And worrying won’t help it, no.
 

 Slow down,
 take it what’s around you, now
 Everything you need is found.

Chorus

May not be what you want

But you’re never getting more

Than you can handle, no

The cracks are weakening

But you can never break me down,

Oh no

Breathe in,
 You never should be feeling, alone.
 You build the walls, protect your soul.
 

 Don’t look down, you think you’re on the bottom, now?
 The hills are high, but valleys low.

Chorus

Breathe mother***er

The Marketing Strategy For Ryan Lochte

I don’t watch the news.

I don’t troll online.

I am busy working.

But when I was distributing my vlog/blog/podcast episode “The LochNess Monster?” I was able to 

see how f***ing ridiculous some of the media and trolls are.

“He should be extradited and sent to Brazilian prison?”

For peeing on the floor and over-exaggerating/lying?

Seriously?

Is it hard to have perspective with your head that far up you’re a**?

With that rational every news reporter should be put in prison. They lie and over-exaggerate every single night.

Every politician should be put in prison for over-exaggerating and lying. Trump and Hillary would both be put away. One for emails, the other for, well, everything he says.

We should all be “sent away” if we are using lying as a standard for prison time.

We are all full of s***.

In fact, it is usually the loudest ones about other people being full of s*** that are the most full of s***. Look around. Who is making the most noise? Al Roker, what you hiding weather man? And Fox News (shocking).

I feel like Alan Iverson: “We’re talking about lying and peeing? Lying and peeing? Lying? Peeing?” (the “practice” press conference in case you have no idea what I am talking about.)

Ryan Lochte needs someone who can turn this all around. I savvy media consultant and marketing maverick.

I will offer my services. He can thank me later.

My Ryan Lochte PR Plan

We are not talking about anything major here. If we all took a step back, practiced a little self-awareness, I think we would calm down. Are you really mad? Or are you mad because the media told you to be mad, be appalled, and be disgusted? That’s their job. They are full of s***. Which is ironic that they are going so hard after Lochte for being full of s***, but that’s what they do.

Instead of continuing to say sorry, let’s make a joke out of it. Look at it for what it is, peeing and lying, and use that to your advantage. Roll with the punches.

What am I saying? Pee on stuff and blatantly lie. You know, jokes.

#1 The Late Night Tour

The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon (@jimmyfallon), The Late Show With Steven Colbert (@StephenAtHome), Conan (@ConanOBrien), The Late Late Show (@JKCorden). Hit them all. Pretend to pee on things in the studio. Get caught, lie about what you were doing.

“I was just looking at the plant.”

“I don’t even need to pee.”

“I don’t pee, I have a urinary disorder.”

Run with it. Say anything you want. Try to distract the accusers, “Look, an elephant!” Say you have to go home right away. Dribble piss on the way out, leave a trail. Funny stuff.

#2 New Sponsors

The most obvious new sponsors would be companies that specialize in toiletries: urinal cakes, toilet paper, and pee pads for pets (to avoid accidents on the floor in your house, gas station, etc.). You get the idea.

Expand on that and become a spokesperson for Depends (@Depend):

“If I had them on that night, this all could have been avoided. I would have just pee’d in my pants, and the super absorbency of my Depends undergarments would have allowed me to feel dry and relieved, what every American wants.” *big smile at the end

Alcohol. My first choice would be Jagermeister (@JagermeisterUSA). Have you ever seen Dave Attell’s (@attell) standup? He has the “Jaeger” bit where he tells crazy stories and ends each one with, “Jager.”

This story is perfect:

“I pissed on the floor, got a gun pulled on me, paid a Brazilian $400, had to flee the country, lost hundreds of thousands of dollars……..Jager.”

How about a residency in a Vegas hotel?

“If he had been in Las Vegas (@Vegas), it would have stayed here.”

He could shack up at Caesar’s Palace (@CaesarsPalace) for a week. They could dye the fountains 

yellow. It would be awesome.

We are having fun here people.

Piss and lies. Let’s keep that in mind.

#3 Fundraising

We can create a humanitarian effort.

Ryan Lochte, for $1000 dollars will come to your house and pee anywhere you want. You can pee together, he can pee in your disgusting bathroom, your garage, your kitchen, you pick! 100% of the proceeds will go to his non-profit: Tinkletorium (swipped that name from my 7th/8th grade girlfriend, hi Amanda!) — Building Bathrooms Worldwide, Because Everyone Deserves Plumbing.

He will be saving lives by getting all the pee and poo out of the water supply in 3rd world countries. He would raise millions!

To get publicity for the non-profit, he would do a world tour “peeing” on the wonders of the world: Stonehenge, The Great Wall Of China, The Eiffel Tower, Machu Pichu, Taj Mahal (the place, not the guitarist), and the Pyramids. We call it “Lochte Pees: World Tour.” He could go on Oprah. It would be magical.

It’s A Joke

There is a lot more good that can come of this for Lochte than bad. It doesn’t look good now, but the sooner he turns it around and spins the narrative in his favor the better. I am willing to offer my services for $200,000.

Lochte, if you are reading, I’m here.

Hit me up on Twitter (@JustOneJoey1) or Snapchat (@JustOneJoey).

The “New You” is just a phone call away.

I can make it happen.

Your future awaits you!

What’s it going to be?

Joey

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