You, Here, Me

This song was written from the perspective of someone who has completely f***ed up.

I mean, disaster kind of f****ed up, and the thoughts that go on in their head.

Ground Zero

This is not a good place to be. Everything is coming down on your head. You are being buried by whatever it is that you have done and its consequences. If you are self-aware enough to recognize it is ALL your fault, this is about as low as you can get.

I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. My own reflection made me sick. Having to look at that stupid f***, that piece of s***. I couldn’t do it. I shaved my head. I shaved my face. I didn’t want to look anything like that loser in his mugshot. Nothing.

I still don’t like looking at pictures of that time, 6 years later. I know what that jackoff is about to go through. I know what that jackoff is doing around that time to go through the s*** he is about to go through. I hate him.

The good this is I don’t even recognize that person anymore. That was a lifetime ago, but it still hurts, and I still despise him with every ounce of passion I can muster. He is dead to me.

Breaking your own heart is hard, because you can’t escape yourself. I mean you can, and those thoughts absolutely crossed my mind, but that would just make it worse. Tim Ferriss puts it very well. If you are able to take whatever it is you are feeling at your lowest point, times that by 10, and give it to everyone of your friends and family, that is suicide. I had already put my family and friends in a s*** position, killing myself would only make that worse. I didn’t want that. The pain I inflicted on my parents, my wife, my daughters? Brought down by my selfishness? Only to be amplified by even more selfishness? Running away from the consequences of my actions? I couldn’t do it. I wanted to. But I couldn’t do it.

The Power Of Love

Huey Lewis put it best.

Actually, I can’t remember any of the lyrics to the song, but the title says it perfectly: the power of love.

The love of my family and friends allowed me to overcome the biggest obstacle (self-inflicted) that I will ever face in my life. The power of love. My mom said, “We will get through this.”

We.

Us.

Together.

Love allowed my problem to be her problem, my dad’s problem, my grandma’s problem, etc. Love brought us together. Their love for me dragged them down, and it would be their love that pulled me up. The power of love, is a curious thing (I did remember some lyrics!).

I mean it when I say in the song:

“The only reason I am standing here, is you’re the biggest piece of everything that I am.”

Redemption

After you get past whatever it is you are getting past, you can relate to a whole new group of people. You know what it’s like to be devastated. You know what it’s like to bring down everyone around you. The pain you can cause, how it looks, how it feels. You know all of that now.

What do you do with it?

You tell people about it. Tell people how you made it through, in the hopes that they will be able to make it through themselves.

Suicide is horrible.

Unimaginable to the person committing it. Being that low. Having no hope. Willing to hurt their family, and friends. Hurt their community. The fragility. The brokenness.

The feelings of their family and friends. Where did they go wrong? What should they have said? Feeling the pain that their loved one must have felt, and taking it on themselves.

It is complete devastation.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Do everything you can to let the person you love know they will make it through. You know why? Because they are still here. The only way you can’t make it is if you are dead. Humans are resilient. 

Making it through some of the biggest disasters in history. Self–inflicted or not.

And we ain’t dead yet.

Just remember:

“Every saint has a past. Every sinner has a future”

You, Here, Me (iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, Spotify)

I know you’re feeling like you life is over

can’t imagine getting any colder

realizing that you hit the bottom once again

just when you feel like that you’re getting something

where you’re standing started slowly crumbling

yesterday appears and pulls you under

once again

and it’s so hard to breathe,

without you here with me

you can hardly stand your own reflection

you’re caving in with everything that happened

everything that’s ever good you smashed it once again

the suffocation of the world surrounds you

should you fight or let the world consume you?

no way out when all the dark surrounds you once again

and its so hard to breathe,

without you here with me

Chorus

the only reason that I’m standing here

is you’re the biggest piece of everything that i am

and even if it takes a thousand years,

I’ll make up every second of the pain that i gave

cause it’s my on;y chance to breathe,

is you here with me

now you feel like you are starting over

feel the warmth now that the night is over

shadows creep away and leave you stronger than before

every saint has got a past there somewhere

and every sinner has a future out there

it doesn’t have to be the same as it was once before

and it’s so hard to breathe,

without you here with me

Chorus

the only reason that I’m standing here

is you’re the biggest piece of everything that i am

and even if it takes a thousand years,

I’ll make up every second of the pain that i gave

cause it’s my on;y chance to breathe,

is you here with me

You, Here, Me (song): iTunes, Google Play, Amazon Spotify

Joey

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Bully

You know them.

They bring you down.

They ruin your day.

They make the good things bad and the bad things worse.

They are awful.

I know there is a general sentiment among the older generations that kids today are weak. They can get overwhelmed by bullies. They get depressed.

They say things like:

“Why don’t they just fight back?”

 “A lot of successful people were fueled by bullying when they were younger.”

“It will toughen you up.”

What they don’t realize is that bullying is on a whole different level than it has ever been. You used to be able to go home. Leave school. Leave the bullies when the bell rang. Maybe you had to deal with them on the bus, or the walk home. But once you got home, you could escape.

It’s not like that anymore.

The Holistic Nature of Modern Day Bullying

It’s everywhere.

School.

Home.

Day.

Night.

Weekdays.

Weekends.

All day.

Every day.

The internet has allowed bullying to become a monster for anyone who is unfortunate enough to be on the receiving end. Web 2.0 has allowed it to become a living nightmare.

How many times do we need to hear the heart wrenching story of a young boy or girl taking their own life just so they can escape the torment of relentless bullying to realize what we are dealing with here?

The threat is real.

It comes in the form of trolls, fake accounts, hateful words, disgusting jokes, and unrelenting attacks.

The worst part? The bully is someone you know. It is someone you see every day. Someone in class. Someone you interact with. You may not know exactly who it is, but you have an idea, and there is nothing you can do about it. Hell, you may know exactly who it is and still can’t do anything about it.

You know it, and they know it.

No one can step in until “something” happens. That “something” is always physical. It could be a fight. It could be a suicide.

You have to deal with it until you can’t deal with it anymore.

Think about that.

Nothing can happen until you can’t physically and emotionally handle it anymore.

Not until you break.

It is awful just thinking about.

You know you have been there before. It may not have been bullying, but you knew you would break if it continued.

That’s what these kids have to deal with every day.

We love the Hollywood ending to a bullying story, don’t we?

We want it to be like A Christmas Story, where Ralphie gets fed up with Scot Farkus and beats the s*** out of him. The bully crumbles in to a bloody, sniveling mess in the snow. Good. They deserved it.

But it doesn’t always work like that.

It is usually much more devastating. Effecting the lives of the victims of the bullying and their families. Or God forbid, the lives of bystanders that have been watching the bullying and never taking a moment to speak up, or step in.

Reality

Bullies are sad people.

All of the ugliness and darkness that they spew out towards you comes from inside of them. All of that darkness. The hatred. The ugliness. That is them. That is who they are on the inside.

They are the weak ones. The good part is they know it. The bad part is they will never let anyone else know it. But we do. How? Because only hurt people hurt people.

Confident people don’t need to put people down, or talk themselves up, or redirect negativity. They are confident enough in themselves to let the way they live do all the talking.

Confident people don’t need to tell you how great they are and the things they have done. They know you see it. The weak ones are telling everyone about it. You know people like that. It’s a weakness, not strength or success.

Just like a bully.

Bullies feed off of people they think can’t take it. They are weak and think you would be a good victim. It builds them up to break you down. But you can’t let them.

It sounds cliché, but karma is a bitch. People that treat people bad will be brought down. It is inevitable. If they don’t realize the errors in their ways and change their behavior, they will end up all alone. Angry. Weak. Sad. With no one to take all of that anger and sadness out on but themselves.

That is not a good place to be.

They need to be prayed for because they are broken. They want you to feel like them, so they attack you. Why should they be the only unhappy people? As much as you want to hate them, know that all of their ugliness comes from somewhere, and they have to deal with that. Believe that they will.

Strength

This song is for the bullying victim.

Bully (song): iTunes, Google Play, Amazon Spotify

You don’t deserve what you are going through.

You have put up with so much already.

You are “so mother***ing strong.”

It may not feel like it. You may not know it. But I know it. The people around you know it.

You have everything you need to get through this inside you. You have God-given strength that has allowed you to endure all of this up to this point. It can build up everything that has broken down. 

Take the power back from them. They knock it down, you build it back up.

 “When they buried you, they didn’t realize you were a seed.”

Never give up.

Never give in.

Bully

Bully (song): iTunes, Google Play, Amazon Spotify

Your words are, like knives,
 I don’t, don’t think I’m, alright
 I wonder if I’ll make it on my own?

 You build off of, my breakdowns.
 What’s worse is, I let your hatred in
 and slowly break my down,to the ground

Chorus

You pull me under, but I’m still alive and breathing.
 You drag me down, but I’m going to stay right here.
 And watch it fall all to pieces, then build it back up again.

 You bully me, but I am still alive and breathing.
 You push me ‘round, but I’m going to stay right here.
 You never will break my spirit, I’m stronger than anything.

I’ll wear these, scars I have to, shed light for, the others
 struggling, to make it on their own,
 not alone

 not ashamed to, to say that,
 what you’re doing, is not right.
 I know I have the love to make me strong,
 from above

Chorus

you’re words are, like knives, but I,
 I think I’ll, be alright.
 I know that I can make it on my own,
 ’cause I’m so motherfucking strong.

 You build off of, my breakdowns.
 But not today,
 you can take your hateful ways,
 and change before you drown,
 cause they’ll be nobody around

Chorus

Bully (song): iTunes, Google Play, Amazon Spotify

Joey

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